Limericks: post yours here

[Darksider]

Mary had a wristlet watch
She swallowed it one day,
Then she took a laxative
to pass the time away.
The laxative, it didn't work
the time, she didn't pass.
So when you want to know the time
Just look up Mary's .............

[HIMUPNORTH]

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.


:p

[kissfoto]

To market to market with my brother Jim
When somebody threw a tomatoe at him
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't break the skin
But this bast__d did it was still in the tin. :clap:

[Darksider]

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little *******.
:)

[praxis]

Little Bo peep, has lost her sheep
and searches without resting,
but they`ve not fled
they`ve all dropped dead
from nerve gas testing.

[h.r.ford]

There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.

[Si240]

There was a young girl from cape Cod
Who thought all babies came from God.
But it weren't the almighty
That got up her nightie -
It was Rodger, the lodger, the sod.

[brummie]

Mary had a little lamb
It was always moanin' and gruntin'
So she tied it to the garden gate
and kicked it's little c*** in

[Big Ben]

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts went up its arse
and now its turned to nylon

[HIMUPNORTH]

Now technically the "little Mary" ryhmes are not limericks but seen as someone else started it..........


Mary had a little Lamb
She also had a bear
We often saw her little lamb
but never saw her bear


Tell it to your kids! :p

[Steep]

The limerick's callous and crude,
It's morals distressingly lewd.
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding;
It's designed for the vulgar and rude!

:p

[Darksider]

A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
asked the doctor to fix her torn lung.
When asked how it ripped
she replied as she stripped,
"The man I just married is Well hung".

[Champion Kind]

There was once a man who was mindly
Of the fact that the bats can fly blindly
In light of this act
You guard their habitat
And for that I thank you most kindly

[kissfoto]

There was a young man from Goosegreen
Who invented a wa_king machine
On the nintyninth stroke, the f__king thing broke
and whipped his b lls into cream...

[birdy961]

Holy thread ressurection:eek:

There was a young lady from ealing
Who had ever such a funny feeling
She laid on her back
and opened her cr***
and Pi**ed all over the ceiling

[gerrard8]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
And so am i

:)

[robrevens]

This has always been a favourite of mine...

There was a young man from Dundee,
Who got stung on the arm by a wasp,
When asked did it hurt,
He said "No not really"
"It can do it again if it likes"

[Graham00]

There was a man from Brazil
who ate a dynamite pill
his heart retired
his arse backfired
and his willy shot over the hill

[Cyprino]

This was told to me recently by a girl with a warped sense of humour!

There once was a young vampire named Mable
Who's periods were really quite stable
So every full moon
She'd get out a spoon
And drink herself under the table

[Marcel]

There was a young man on TP
Who bumped up an old thread with glee
But the forum was wrong
So a mod came along
and moved it to the right one for free.

;)

[chazza]

I nearly went to the Dark Side
Yoda said to me
stick with Canon
Best place to be .... er sorry ... best be to place luke

[mercmanuk]

There was a man from Newcastle
Who gave the police loads of hassle
He ran around town
But was always underground
Needed 5000 coppers to be found

sorry :shrug:

[Notts_Dave]

Mary had a brand new skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
with a split right up the front.........


but she didnt wear that one very often

[OneTen]

There was an old farmer called Giles
Who had pox, gonorrhoea and piles
He had syphilis disease
Right down to his knees
You could smell the old bugger for miles