View Full Version : Q+A Jokes: Post Yours Here
Darksider
16-12-2006, 09:26
Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Darksider
17-12-2006, 11:41
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q. Why do ballerina's wear tights?
A. To stop them sticking to the florr when they do the splits!
...only joke Ive ever managed to remember, thanks to my ex who told it to me in front of our then 6 year old daughter .... who then told it to her teacher ... in front of me! :gag:
HIMUPNORTH
17-12-2006, 12:05
Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Because he had his knob stuck in the chicken.
TheRedUn
17-12-2006, 12:10
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Darksider
17-12-2006, 12:21
Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
Darksider
18-12-2006, 06:18
Q: What's the definition of disgusting?
A: You giving your grandmother a kiss and she slips her tongue in.
Q. Why do ballerina's wear tights?
A. To stop them sticking to the florr when they do the splits!
...only joke Ive ever managed to remember, thanks to my ex who told it to me in front of our then 6 year old daughter .... who then told it to her teacher ... in front of me! :gag:
PMSL!!!!! how ever funny is that!!
:clap:
Darksider
19-12-2006, 06:22
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Dark Star
19-12-2006, 06:27
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A fish
Darksider
21-12-2006, 06:25
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother. :thumbs:
Chris Primadona
12-08-2011, 14:21
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic forum user?
A: He humped an old ghost...
:tumbleweed:
:exit:
Q. What's the difference between a street vendor and a Dachshund?
A. A street vendor bawls out his wares on the pavement.
Another holy thread revival batman!
but :lol: @ CT
Chris Primadona
12-08-2011, 15:06
Another holy thread revival batman!
but :lol: @ CT
I needed an excuse to use my crap joke :(
Q. What happened to the frog when he broke down.
A. he got toad away!
Possibly the only clean joke I know:razz:
Q What is the difference between a Cross Country Runner and Fanny Craddock ?
A One is a pant in the Country
I needed an excuse to use my crap joke :(
:D
Q what's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated Owl?
A a poor marksman can shoot but not hit
Q. How do you get a Granny to shout "C..t!"?
A. Get another one to shout Bingo!!
Q. How do you get a Granny to shout "C..t!"?
A. Get another one to shout Bingo!!
:lol::lol:
Q. What is 30 ft long has 60 legs & stinks of p*ss?
A. A geriatric conga!:D
Q. How do you get a Granny to shout "C..t!"?
A. Get another one to shout Bingo!!
:D
Chris Primadona
12-08-2011, 17:29
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
ding76uk
12-08-2011, 17:37
Q. Why was Tigger Looking Down the toilet?
A. HE was looking for Pooh.
Q. What was Pooh down the toilet in the first place?
A. Because Eee Orr is a nasty piece of work
Flash In The Pan
12-08-2011, 17:45
Q.Why have elephants got big ears?
A.Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom
Chris Primadona
12-08-2011, 17:54
I feel bad for bumping this post now... good god, save me jeebus
Flash In The Pan
12-08-2011, 17:59
I feel bad for bumping this post now... good god, save me jeebus
I've got thousands of these, most of them would get me banned :lol:
itsdavedotnet
12-08-2011, 18:06
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint its toenails red.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No?
See, it works.
How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries.
Did you hear about the nympho clockwork bunny?
She had a hair spring up her back-end.
I feel bad for bumping this post now... good god, save me jeebus
Go sit on the norty step then :D
I've got thousands of these, most of them would get me banned :lol:
Post away Flash, post away :D
Yardbent
12-08-2011, 18:28
Q...how do you find the wet spot on a fat girl
A.. roll her in flour first
Flash In The Pan
12-08-2011, 18:29
Go sit on the norty step then :D
Post away Flash, post away :D
I see what you did there, oh pink one :nono::p
I see what you did there, oh pink one :nono::p
:D
fracster
12-08-2011, 18:41
Go sit on the norty step then :D
Post away Flash, post away :D
Can I post the best/crudest joke I have ever heard?
It is a Bernard Manning one............:)
Flash In The Pan
12-08-2011, 18:43
Can I post the best/crudest joke I have ever heard?
It is a Bernard Manning one............:)
As long as you don't get me banned for posting it :lol:
Can I post the best/crudest joke I have ever heard?
It is a Bernard Manning one............:)
Probably not knowing his type of humour :D
As long as you don't get me banned for posting it :lol:
And you can quit encouraging him too :p
fracster
12-08-2011, 18:47
PM inbound...........:thumbs:
Q. How do you circumsise a whale?.
A. Send down four skindivers.
Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
Q. What is invisable and smells like carrots?
A. Rabbit farts.
Q: What is the difference between a Virgin and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!
fracster
12-08-2011, 19:05
What is blue and....................no better not.......:D
Flash In The Pan
12-08-2011, 19:16
Probably not knowing his type of humour :D
And you can quit encouraging him too :p
PM inbound...........:thumbs:
Meh, I thought mine was worse, and it wasn't even a "Q+A" joke :lol:
strumstrum
12-08-2011, 19:27
why has Edward Woodward got all them D's
if not hed be Ewar Woowar
how many phsychaiatrists(sp?) does it take to change a lightbulb
just 1 but the lightbulb must really want to change
Chris Primadona
12-08-2011, 19:35
What is blue and....................no better not.......:D
Q: F***s grannies?
A: hypothermia
:exit:
itsdavedotnet
12-08-2011, 19:50
what's blue, yellow, and has a tight **** at one end?
a lidl bag...
what's blue, yellow, and has a tight **** at one end?
a lidl bag...
Classic! :lol:
Catdaddy
12-08-2011, 22:03
Q What's the difference between pink and purple?
A The grip
vv cephei
12-08-2011, 22:13
Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim
Q: Do you like coconut and chocolate?
A: You are boun ty
Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra
Q. What goes black and white black and white black and white black and white black and white black and white black and white black and white black and white RED!
A. A nun falling down the stairs.
whiteflyer
12-08-2011, 22:21
Q. How do you get a Granny to shout "C..t!"?
A. Get another one to shout Bingo!!
:lol::lol:
best one so far
Q. What's grey and comes in pints?
A. An elephant.
Samphire
12-08-2011, 23:10
Q What's the difference between pink and purple?
A The grip
*laughing* :thumbs:
Q. Whats brown and sticky?
A. A stick
Q. What's yellow and goes round, and round, and round?
A. A long playing omelette.
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 00:54
Q: What's green with 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A snooker table
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 00:56
Q: What's six inches long and brings women to an instant orgasm?
A: A £100 note
Q: What's six inches long and brings women to an instant orgasm?
A: A £100 note
:thumbs:
Q. What Ticks on walls.
A. Ticky paper
Q. Why are TP members no good at growing parsnips?
A. They like a shallow depth of field.
Q. What is the difference between COBRA and a Nikon.
A. You can at least get rid of a Nikon :suspect:
Q: What's green with 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A snooker table
Q: What's White and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A fridge
Q: What is the longest sentence that a man knows?
A: I do
andy_fozzy
13-08-2011, 08:38
:lol: @ this thread!!!
Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk!
Q. What do you get if you boil a hyena carcass for a few hours?
A. A laughing stock.
Q: What did the ship in the dry-dock say?
A: Long time no sea!
(I actually made that one up)
Q. How do you experience married life without actually getting married?
A. Just watch the same porn for 25 years. :D
Catdaddy
13-08-2011, 10:35
Q What's the definition of a goal?
A When a man says 'Till death do us part'
If roses are red and violets are blue...
...Why aren't yellowhammers any good for banging in nails?
Q: Why does Jack Bauer call his cat Chuck Norris?
A: Cos he's a pussy! :D
Q: why do women have small feet?
A: so they can stand close to the sink.
Q. What is the difference between COBRA and a Nikon.
A. You can at least get rid of a Nikon :suspect:
:bat: :D
Q: Why does Jack Bauer call his cat Chuck Norris?
A: Cos he's a pussy! :D
:lol:
Q Whats pinks and scares the **** outta the sea life?
A Al-ca-prawn
Q what's brown and lays on the sea bed shaking?
A a nervous wreck
Q. Why did the millionaire have his house made backwards?
A. So he could watch the TV.
Q. Who speaks French and likes a good blowjob.
A Moi!!
Q: You have a pet Gorilla? Where does he sleep?
A: Anywhere he likes! :shrug:
Q what's green and goes red at the touch of a button?
A Kermit in a liquidiser
Q whats green and smells of pork?
A Kermit's finger
Chris Primadona
13-08-2011, 15:06
Q: Why did God give women legs?
A: He seen the mess snails left behind them.
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 16:35
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. Whats the difference between a bank manager having a fight and David Cameron?
A. One's a waring banker....
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 17:41
Q. Whats the difference between a bank manager having a fight and David Cameron?
A. One's a waring banker....
:thinking:
:shrug:
:thinking:
:shrug:
Whoooosh!
Try warring.
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 17:56
Whoooosh!
Try warring.
Uh-huh...
so what is a barring ****** then? :shrug:
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 18:09
boring wa****
The joke doesn't work then ;)
The joke doesn't work then ;)
It will, next time you take the mic :thumbs:
Flash In The Pan
13-08-2011, 20:43
It will, next time you take the mic :thumbs:
Probably best not to try and tell jokes that only work verbally, in writing :lol:
What do you do if you come across a Tiger in the jungle?
Wipe it off and apologise..
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
http://i53.tinypic.com/2m4f31s.jpg
Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.
Q. whats pink & wrinkled & hangs out grandads y fronts?
A. Grandma
old but good!:D
Flash In The Pan
14-08-2011, 12:22
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
A:Art.
Q: Why do nuns go around in pairs?
A: so one nun can make sure the other nun don't get none.
DorsetDude
15-08-2011, 16:15
Q. What's the difference between an efficient vacuum cleaner and a randy admiral in the Swiss navy?
A. One sucks and never fails.
DorsetDude
15-08-2011, 16:20
Q. Why has my Auntie called her parrot Onan?
A. Because he keeps spilling his seed on the ground.
:tumbleweed:
Yes, alright, I'm going now...:coat:
realspeed
15-08-2011, 16:42
What is the longest word in the English language?
Answer Bra ( because it stretches from peak to peak )
Anon
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