Hacker
26-04-2007, 13:35
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them, "It's illegal to put five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four."
"Quattro is just the name of the car," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five people."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means four. You've got five people in your car, so you're breaking the law."
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno."
********************************
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Oh, that's my Speaking Clock," the man replied.
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you," the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For ****'s sake, you ******, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"
************************************
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mum, I'm going to bring over two other female
friends as well as my fiancee, and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry".
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the settee, and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mum, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Mum. You're right, how did you know?"
"I don't like her."
:D :D :D
"Quattro is just the name of the car," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five people."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means four. You've got five people in your car, so you're breaking the law."
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno."
********************************
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Oh, that's my Speaking Clock," the man replied.
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you," the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For ****'s sake, you ******, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"
************************************
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mum, I'm going to bring over two other female
friends as well as my fiancee, and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry".
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the settee, and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mum, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Mum. You're right, how did you know?"
"I don't like her."
:D :D :D