Violence.

[steveinspain]

I have just returned from a baptism.
A Spanish neighbour and his Ecuadorian wife, and their little boy, Jose. Husband is not a nice bloke, wife is trying to make a better life for herself here, and son is lovely - could use a little fatherly love, but he is a fab kid.
As he(dad) has so many who do not like him, there was only a few there, his boss, wife's sisters and spouses, and us 4.
It ended with violence. Wife had a few glasses of wine, got rather wobbly, he got rough. We ended up helping her to her car, with her pleading for us to all go to her house - clearly she was scared of what we all knew was going to happen.
I had a word with husband, told him it was a big day for all, so relax, let her be, and he just screamed back at me that she was ugly and pushed her into the car.
I had to leave, as my kids do not need to see such scenes, and I don't feel I would have helped any but I feel like I let her down, as I know that right now, she will be being hit (at least she is drunk, so won't feel it soo much, I hope) Her sisters all left her to it, and I could hear him shouting at her (they live just over the hill).
I feel pretty useless.
Don't really know what to say.

[dellipher]

Oh Gosh Steve that's horrible, and such a bad situation to be in...:( Im sorry I dont know what to say.

[Dino f]

A sorry situation indeed Steve.
You did as much as you could.
I hate violence towards women, but it is up to the woman in question to do something about it herself. The more you get involved the worse the backlash could affect your family.
The woman does not have to put up with that kind of treatment, but she can only make that choice for herself.
Well done mate.
Dean:)

[Keltic Ice Man]

Sounds like you did the right thing for you and your family.

It's not easy!!! - but has to be done.

Are there any agencies in spain that can help with this ? Though often if reported the family turns on the agency as well as each other.

[steveinspain]

Thanks for replying - thats all that can be done, and I just needed to unload - as I went to get some logs for the fire I could hear the shouting, and whilst being a fairly big bloke, I felt rather small. You have said enough to calm me - Cheers,
Steve

PS - The woman will be leaving him as soon as she can - I am not sure if she is even legal here - husband won't allow child to go to nursery, has been disowned by family and neighbours... Still, I do know it has happened before, and that she is strong enough to survive, but boy, does it hit hard when you have it in your face. Going to give my wife a big hug right now, if she lets me...

[antc]

Sounds like you did the right thing for you and your family.

I agree, no point exposing your kids to this kind of scene or getting too involved yourself.

[mmcp42]

Steve,
that's a tough one
but I think you did the right thing
you have to think of your own family first
if there is an external agency that you can get involved - that's the route to go
and be there to pick up the pieces if/when needed

not an easy one at all - and give Mrs SiS that hug - sounds like you need it!

[steveinspain]

Mike - I will - I need it, though not sure she does - maybe a bath will help (for me, not her !!)

[Cobra]

They say discretion is the better part of Valour Steve, I am sure you did right by backing off in this situation.
After all you have your own family to think of

[Bob]

You did the right thing I tried to help a girl being hit by her partner a few years ago it ended up both of them turning on me and me getting hit by both of them. So its best to get the police or similar to intervene and you just look after your own family After all if you get hurt or worse who's going to take care of them.
Bob:thumbs:

[Marcel]

Dont fret too much over it Steve.
You've done all you could. You cared enough to try and intervene, and yuo tried to placate the man. Obviously he's not for calming down.
Sometimes though, as horrible it may sound, you have a duty first and foremost to protect your own family. While this is an awful situation to be in, just think to yourself, what else can / could you do?

[Slapo]

Well, that guy husband is a bit of a bozo, if I had a batter slap and would be there alone, I'd make his head spin. With own kids there, that could be a bit of a risk I guess.
If he beats her, I'd request a divorce ASAP if I were her. If not for myself, then surely for the kid.

[Galaxy66]

>>>>>I had a word with husband, told him it was a big day for all, so relax, let her be, and he just screamed back at me that she was ugly and pushed her into the car.<<<<<
Nothing wrong it what you did Steve and it shows what a caring kind of guy you are, but it is best to keep out of other peoples domestics and it could have turned nasty for you as it did for Bob.
Wife beating is a cowardly crime, and if she wants to leave him she will, if she doesn't she will stay, unfortunately some will stay because they have nowhere else to go.
You did what you could, your conscience is clear.

[steveinspain]

Again, many thanks to all for your support.
Yes, Idid the right thing, but it really hurts to see such things - I gather that he didn't beat her much, just (just ?) a few slaps.
However, I really am struggling to put it away - I, like him, am a big bloke, and it is easy to overpower a smaller person, especially if it is a woman in fear. I was bought up with a dominant Father, who was slightly violent (enough, but nothing like some have suffered) It scarred me big time, and anyone who has seem recents posts by me might be able to see that it has left me with a hurdle to overcome (I am almost 50, FFS !)
To add to it all, yesterday was the 'International Day of Women against violence towards women' in Spain (or something similar). I can still hear the screams and what I took as fist against flesh in a neighbours house.
Violence is so small, like the people who do it.
End of.

[mmcp42]

give them a call
they might know who can help?

[Yv]

Steve, you know you did the right thing for your own family, but I can also understand that you can't quite let it go, I don't think any normal person could.

Its certainly an idea to perhaps report his behaviour to someone that can be of much more help, whether thats a charitable organisation or the authorities, but if there is a chance she isn't totally 'legal' then that could explain why she hasn't done anything herself [although in many cases, where the woman, or indeed even the man, has no reason not to report the abuse, they still don't] - deportation may solve all her problems, but it may also be out of the frying pan and into the fire.....

It might ease your mind, if its possible, to have a quiet chat to her when he is well out of the way, maybe discreetly find out some more background information, get her chatting about why she likes Spain, what was so bad about Ecudor before doing anything that could make things a whole lot worse for her and/or yourself.

[Arkady]

It's a horrible feeling that impotent rage that wells up when you see injustice...sometimes you have to let it go...but then again, a man is measured by his actions, not words - if it happens again, maybe you should have more than a quiet word - as long as the kids aren't there, of course.