View Full Version : Remembering Baby Caroline
cjnicolai
05-12-2007, 16:27
I'm in the process of scanning a lot of my work for a project I'm doing, and thought I'd share Caroline's story.
When Caroline's mom was halfway through her pregnancy, tests revealed that Caroline had a fatal heart defect. If she survived delivery, she would only live a few hours.
I received an e-mail explaining the situation and asking if I would be willing to be there at the hospital to photograph Caroline before she was gone. Through tears, I agreed.
I thought I had a few months to mentally prepare for the session, however Caroline came six weeks early. Her grandparents, who lived out of state, frantically caught the first plane to Denver in hopes of seeing Caroline before she passed away. It was very bittersweet to see the mixed joy and sadness.
http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/8707/caroline1smnw3.jpg
Caroline's two big sisters understood that Caroline was "a baby angel." The day she was born, they were each given a special gift from their baby sister -- a tiny silver heart pendant to wear around their necks to remember her when she was gone. They looked completely awestruck when they were allowed to hold her.
http://img70.imageshack.us/img70/2236/caroline2smoz7.jpg
Caroline's doctors and nurses were quite emotional, knowing there was nothing they could do but make Caroline comfortable. They handled her with such gentleness. This is Caroline's cardiologist and delivery nurse, examining her minutes after her birth.
http://img47.imageshack.us/img47/7388/629caroline2lg0.jpg
Baby Caroline surprised everyone. She wasn't expected to live more than a few minutes, especially because she arrived prematurely. But her parents were able to take her home the next day. She looked like a perfectly healthy baby, ate and slept like an angel.
http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/1562/629caroline5cn9.jpg
Knowing each day could be her last, her parents made every day a special event. Caroline went to the zoo, the movies, ate in restaurants with her family, fell asleep in her sisters' arms. Her entire childhood lasted twelve days. I photographed her for the last time on the eleventh.
http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/8652/629caroline3zz9.jpg
At Caroline's funeral, her mother threw her arms around me and thanked me for giving her so many happy memories of Caroline. I thanked her for the honor of being allowed to be there. I told her that Caroline had taught me the value of what I do, and that I would never forget her.
She handed me a tiny box with a pink bow: a tiny silver heart pendant from Baby Caroline.
- CJ
That made me cry. Dunno what else to say, sorry.
dellipher
05-12-2007, 16:34
I do like the last two pictures, and such a moving story.
But as stated before, Im not an overly big fan of the grain.
boozybill
05-12-2007, 16:35
what a heatbreaking story, i cant imagine the pain the family went thru, and well done you keeping it together recording it in pictures for the family to keep forever
cjnicolai
05-12-2007, 16:39
I do like the last two pictures, and such a moving story.
But as stated before, Im not an overly big fan of the grain.
No choice, here, Adele. Most of the shots were made in a hospital room with the tiniest of windows, and flash would have been inappropriate. ISOO 3200 film was the only option.
ShawWellPete
05-12-2007, 16:44
I can only see one picture and it's wonderful. What a tragic tale...
Wow
What a sad story. I think its fantastic what you have done for this family. Dont think i could have coped with this.
Big hats off to you:clap::clap::clap:
dellipher
05-12-2007, 16:56
No choice, here, Adele. Most of the shots were made in a hospital room with the tiniest of windows, and flash would have been inappropriate. ISOO 3200 film was the only option.
Well then, in that case [obviously all hospitals are different] its understandable.
cjnicolai
05-12-2007, 17:02
Actually, I didn't keep it together at all. I was in the waiting room for a few hours before the birth, and cried my eyes out. All of the family members were trying to be strong for each other, but whenever I was alone with any of them, they'd break down and cry on my shoulder. I think it was helpful for them to have a stranger around. I wouldn't have had it any other way, but it was a very tough day.
- CJ
ShawWellPete
05-12-2007, 17:04
I wouldn't have had it any other way, but it was a very tough day.
- CJ
I bet. Well done, I imagine your support really helped.
WillyNelson
05-12-2007, 17:06
Oh dear, sitting in the office crying is not a good look for me. That's such a heartbreaking story. I'm gonna have to leave in a mo to hurry home and give my own 3-month old daughter a massive hug!
Very touching pictures.
cjnicolai
05-12-2007, 17:19
Willy, yeah, it had that effect on me, too. I was a basket case for a month.
Not sure what I could possibly say about these images, they are all stunning & the story is heartbreaking. Well done for having the strength to go through this with her family.
What an incredibly moving story CJ :'( and, as always, such beautiful, moving photographs :). The last one is stunning and tells a story on it's own
Fantastic images CJ and know personally how difficult this would have been for you.
know personally how difficult this would have been for you.
Same here :(
To have memories like that of Caroline must be a huge strength for her family.
Oh my god, Ive just read that with tears in my eyes, what an amazing story :)
In this case, it doesnt matter if your photos arent technically perfect, (not in my opinion, just from what other people have already said above) I doubt thats the first thing on her parents minds, they are fantastic shots and you should be so proud, in more ways than one.
Well done :)
cjnicolai
05-12-2007, 17:56
Janice and Lee, very sorry to hear that. It was a tough day, but I would absolutely do it again. I shot twelve rolls of film all in all, which is unheard of for me, but I was afraid of missing any tiny little detail. They ended up with about a four-inch stack of photos.
- CJ
I would suggest that if anyone else is ever unfortunate enough to experience anything like this...... you remember this thread of CJ's, and take photos, for the future.
I didnt.. and wish I had.
Very special thread and wonderful shots CJ. Thanks for sharing.
cjnicolai
05-12-2007, 18:12
Oh my god, Ive just read that with tears in my eyes, what an amazing story :)
In this case, it doesnt matter if your photos arent technically perfect, (not in my opinion, just from what other people have already said above) I doubt thats the first thing on her parents minds, they are fantastic shots and you should be so proud, in more ways than one.
Well done :)
Thanks, Betty, and absolutely agreed about the technical aspects of shots like these. It's not a portrait session, where you can move your subjects and get things just so. You're shooting a powerful documentary while at the same time trying to stay out of the way, physically and emotionally. You're not going to get perfect light and ideal backgrounds. There's medical staff, clergy, and all sorts of family members, not to mention tubes, wires, machines, complicating the shooting situation further. And it doesn't matter at all. If you capture the emotion and the life in front of you, that's all anybody will see.
Janice, I completely agree. It's a powerful experience, and the best gift the family will ever receive.
- CJ
Big rough woodman here with a huge lump in his throat now. Thank you for sharing. It was a wonderful thing you did for that family.
Beautiful and moving
Thanks for sharing
6'4, 20 stone bloke here with tears in his eyes.
CJ, hats off to you for stepping up to the task, I know I couldn't do it. Such a mammoth responsibility on your shoulders to 'get the shots', and I think you did really well.
Like you say, I don't care about the grain, I see pure emotion in those shots, and all I'm seeing is emotion and life (OK I will admit the text helped, but you know what I mean).
I think this is one of those situations in life that makes us sit back and think about our own mortality.
Thanks for sharing CJ. :)
I can't imagine how difficult that was to do CJ :(:(-
Top marks for doing such a good job for Caroline's parents, I'm sure they'll treasure your photographs forever.
russbates
05-12-2007, 20:33
Amazing shots i agree i really think the grain works. Captures the emotion of the shots perfectly
you know, I didn't even notice the grain
just a wonderful set of memories
you did them proud
(sorry, just wiping lots of damp off the keyboard)
and a very moving story
thank you so much for sharing
newyorkaddict
05-12-2007, 21:42
Amazing photo's to go with a heartbreaking story. Very well captured there my friend. You have at least given the parents a way of remembering their little girl forever.
CarlukeDave
05-12-2007, 21:51
Beautiful pictures and a very moving story. I hope I'm never in that situation, if I was, I don't know if I could do it!
Thanks for sharing CJ
mobilevirgin
05-12-2007, 22:37
Kudos to you for doing the job - and making such a good job of it. Kudos to the parents for asking you to do the job. Sounds and looks like you all knew what was involved and how important the exercise was. I have no doubt your pics will enable them to look back with good (well, as good as possible, in the circumstances) feelings. Well done.
what a moving and sad story CJ, Really great photographs that you should be proud of and giving the family beautiful images to remember their daughter by :)
CJ, huge admiration for taking 'the job' on and being there, you have given the family something they can always treasure, and I think, judging by the previous comments, made us all appreciate the power of the camera, but more importantly, the power of families, memory, and what they mean to us.
Yes, typing this through tears like everyone else. Many thanks CJ.
You know, i'm not often lost for words. I've come back to this thread three of four times and read each and everyone of your words.
You'll have given Carolins family more memories than they could ever have imagined...
Wonderful, Wonderful set of images that will be treasured forever. Congratulations.
Chillimonster
06-12-2007, 07:51
Nothing to add, except to echo what has already been said :'(
you were in a position that none of us would envy, and achieved the essence of what a photograph is all about - providing a window to the past for the viewer and i expect they will be eternally grateful for that.
minimeeze
06-12-2007, 08:25
What a wonderful set of photos for the family to cherish. I think you did a great job capturing Caroline's time with her family. I know it's not easy having to take photographs in this situation, but you excelled and have given the family some lovely mementoes.
I would suggest that if anyone else is ever unfortunate enough to experience anything like this...... you remember this thread of CJ's, and take photos, for the future.
I didnt.. and wish I had.
Very special thread and wonderful shots CJ. Thanks for sharing.
Echoing this thought Janice.
My sister had a baby girl that didn't live long, I never got to see her and she has no record that she was ever here apart from the memory and birth certificate.
This baby was the only girl to have been born to our extensive family for over 40 years, it would have been so precious to have photo's to treasure.
Much respect CJ for your efforts towards this family at a difficult time.
CJ these photos will be some of the most important you will ever take because of what they will mean to the family,
Very moving story, i think its made a lot of us stop and think a for while about what really matters.
regards brian.
antihero
06-12-2007, 10:51
That brought a tear or two. Our first child will be here in 9 weeks and i'm getting pretty emotional about things. Hats off to you CJ, i'd have been in bits.
Some lovely images there, plenty of memories for the family.
EDIT: My wife just asked what I was sniffling at, so I let her see. Now we are both snotty messes! Just makes you realise how precious life is.
birdy961
06-12-2007, 11:04
Sat here now with tears streaming down my face:'(, what an emotional ride, I don't think I could of done it. Thank you for sharing. Shall give my little boy an extra hug:hug:
I went home last night and thought about this again, how awful it must have been to know that their daughter was going to die, after taking her out to the zoo and to a restaurant, everyone looking on would have thought they were just a normal family.
This has hit me quite hard, there are things happening all over the world now that we have no concept of. Puts things into perspective thats for sure.
Me too. This is my first post and i am in tears. What a sad story. Those twelve days will be treasured memories for all concerned and your beautiful pictures will be treasured too. I particularly like the first image it is very special. They all are really.
I can only echo what has already been said, this is an extremely moving record you have created and I'm not sure it is something I could have done.
Mikharper
06-12-2007, 16:06
Made me cry reading that :(
Ajophotog
06-12-2007, 16:13
That really is a sad story and you deserve a big pat on the back for getting through a very tough assignment. My thoughts are with the parents and family of Caroline who time was brief now is sleeping peacefully.
Miss McT
07-12-2007, 15:51
Just wanted to echo what everyone else has said. Like most others, I couldn't stop the tears flowing as I looked at your photos. Those photos will mean the world to Caroline's family. Think it's an unimagineable kind of pain to go through that kind of experience but you've given Caroline's family a set of beautiful reminders of their Caroline's precious few days. Not only that, you've also reached out to all of us on here too with a powerful message. Thanks for sharing those.
Its taken me two days to be able to reply to this thread CJ, and it still chokes me too much to find my words for it.
I can only imagine what an emotional time it must have been for all concerned during Caroline's short little life.
At least they have the memories you captured for them, which will no doubt be treasured in the true sense of the word.
Kudos to you CJ :hug:
fraggle101
08-12-2007, 21:20
your a special woman CJ.. to be able to do that must have taken a lot, and the images are priceless in most literal sense!! :clap::clap: I wanna give you a big pat on the back ...
cjnicolai
08-12-2007, 21:45
Thanks, all, for helping me remember Caroline.
- CJ
Sat in work reading this and crying, you did an exceptional job. well done:clap:
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