Gary's 365 - Feelings & Emotions (ended early)

2673551501_792397f335_o.jpg


I am attempting an early entry today, which should allow some forced sleep this evening!. I have no idea what I want to write about, yet. Also, I have no picture. Defeats the purpose a little as my intention when starting this was to take a photo every day representing how I felt at time of photo. Some days it seems, I take a photo representing the text, which in turn represents what I feel. Similar, but still different. The focus becomes the text, and the image plays second fiddle to words on a page.

It's a very difficult balancing act, and one which I clearly will never master any time soon. Not that it matters hugely, the world won't stop if I write 3 words instead of 3,000, and likewise, my photos are not going to move the earth either. But that's not the point, as if I am unable to master this balancing act, I will get nowhere with my new project, which is a shame, as it excites me hugely. I suspect, I may have bitten off more than I can chew with it, however half the battle will be proving myself wrong. I look forward to trying.

Excellent, now I know what this entry is about. Balance. In the two paragraphs above which have just transpired from nowhere, I was able to break it up into a few sentences and pinpoint a subject matter. The flow of words combined with a weird choice of sentences, one big balancing act The result is, I now have the feelings nailed which will allow me to finish today’s brain dump.

Having to balance time and priorities is 100% central to my new project, I mean it IS my new project in a sense - it is the central theme running through the entire life of it. Which is hugely ironic, as if I am to succeed with the project in a timely fashion, I need to throw the scales out the window and more or less ignore what's important, focus on the pure fun of fulfilling this new obsession. Which is problematic you could say...

Because if we all think about it for a second, surely that’s what life is, a huge set of scales with FUN on one side, and PRIORITIES on the other. Sure, it would be nice to be able to take a bit of fun, and mix it with your priorities, but that's not always possible, and as such, we find ourselves torn between the two opposing forces. I think it was intended that way, it's like a hidden rule of the universe. I mean let’s pretend for a second, that I am a complete loony, and this balancing act rant is complete tosh...Easier than you think I hear you say! :) So, you have fun and priorities mixed into this single bag which you carry about with you all day. Everything is fun, no matter what you do. Work is fun, paying bills is fun, going to the hospital for an operation is fun, attending court for causing death by dangerous driving is fun, and so on. Apologies for the over the top examples, but surely it illustrates a few points. First of all, fun, if mixed with the wrong elements, can be VERY dangerous. Secondly, if everything was fun, then fun would no longer be important, we would take it for granted, get bored with it, and we would be forced to look elsewhere for our next high.

I like to think of it as Rockstar Syndrome, these guys have the whole world on their plate, all the money, all the toys, all the fun. Why then, do they time and time again resort to drink and drugs, before winding up dead in a cold dark hotel room? Because fun, once bled dry, is no longer enough. They have no counter balance to make fun what it is. Fun without it's opposing force, "lack of fun", will ultimately die, and all that is left? I guess an empty, trapped feeling, the knowledge that fun no longer exists, and the delicate set of scales we call life, has lost an entire set of weights. Without the ability to balance, the scales are broken, your life, is broken.

I feel I am always dangerously close to the tipping point, never spending enough time or energy on the priorities, instead choosing too much fun. It’s an addiction which is hard to beat, like a kid who chooses 5 hours of Xbox per evening instead of doing his homework. I find myself drawn to the camera, my daily entry here, and my new project...much more than is healthy. My priorities are my loved ones, and my work, period - the fun stuff should wait, but my wonky scales are broken. I only hope I sort them before it’s too late.

I think going forward from this day, I will remember what I have written here. In fact, I think I will design a new currency, Funollars!

• The next time I get angry at having to get on a slow and crowded bus? I will remember I have just stuck a few Funollars in the bank. The next day I drive my lotus on the back roads, I will spend those Funollars. Once the account has been emptied, park it up, and get back on the bus to earn a few more!

• The next time I spend a day in the office against my free will? Loads of Funollars stuck in the bank for the weekend. Spend them, and come Monday, time to replenish the account.

• The next time I fall out with my loved ones? A few more Funollars in the bank for when it comes to settling our differences and enjoying our time together.

• The next time I have to endure a poorly prepared meal at a hyped up restaurant, more Funollars in my account to spend at the next place.

The list is endless, but I guess the general idea is universal to those of us fortunate to experience any fun at all. Before you long for fame and fortune, or a bank balance to make Richard Branson blush, just remember what you will be able to buy with your instant account of infinity Funollars. All the fun in the world, and when you have it, it won’t take too long before you are bored of it. And when fun is boring, you’re in deep, deep sh*t.

So there you have it, a positive spin for the bad times, just not positive enough to make them too much fun! :)

Today, I feel unbalanced.

Gary.
 
While I am in the process of finding my way through TP, shifting through the tons of top quality pictures that turns up in here on a daily basis, I thought I'd give this thread a look through . . .
. . . and was completely blown away by the whole concept of it all. Gary, you are an amazingly gifted writer as a well as a brilliant photographer. It's where your articles does have the effect of making us know how you feel about life and things in general.
I only wish I came across this thread ages ago. This is a real reader's gold mine! :clap:
 
While I am in the process of finding my way through TP, shifting through the tons of top quality pictures that turns up in here on a daily basis, I thought I'd give this thread a look through . . .
. . . and was completely blown away by the whole concept of it all. Gary, you are an amazingly gifted writer as a well as a brilliant photographer. It's where your articles does have the effect of making us know how you feel about life and things in general.
I only wish I came across this thread ages ago. This is a real reader's gold mine! :clap:

Top bloke :D You are defo on my xmas card list!!! Thank you so much for the kind words :D
 
I've shown my Girlfriend your photos as an example of where I want to be, explaining to her that you've only been doing this for a short while.

She came up with the comment: "he's one of those people that can just pick up a camera and take amazing shots".

Out of all the 365s on the site, yours is the one I enjoy the most, and todays shot blew me away, the simplicity of it says it all..

Also, with the day I have had, I'm a millionaire in your new currency...do you know what the exchange rate is from Funollars to Pounds Sterling?

Mark
 
Top bloke :D You are defo on my xmas card list!!! Thank you so much for the kind words :D

:) That's quite alright, Gary. :) I had to add my two cent's worth in here. Like I said before it's where some of your writing are so profound and thought provoking while at the same time not attention seeking. If you know what I mean.
Indeed, I'm going to look forward to coming back to this thread at the end of a long hard working day and see what's on in the next instalment of Gary's 365.
All the best, mate. (y)
 
just catching up with this after a few days adsence, and i couldnt have picked 3 worser days to have missed. Amazingly simple photos, with such effect that the writing just flows along.
 
Hi Gary, have you been studying philosophy by any chance? I really understand what you are saying in this last entry. Fun all the time is no fun, it's as if there is no enjoyment without earning it. It's like having too much money, it seems like an Utopian concept, but then how do you get pleasure out of being able to buy everything that you want. You lose the excitement of researching what you want, and then the pleasure of getting it at long last. Like everything you need balance, so hurrah for funollars.(y)
 
yeah, todays was alright ;)









(mwah ha ha, it was actually bloody brilliant!)
 
I've shown my Girlfriend your photos as an example of where I want to be, explaining to her that you've only been doing this for a short while.

She came up with the comment: "he's one of those people that can just pick up a camera and take amazing shots".

Out of all the 365s on the site, yours is the one I enjoy the most, and todays shot blew me away, the simplicity of it says it all..

Also, with the day I have had, I'm a millionaire in your new currency...do you know what the exchange rate is from Funollars to Pounds Sterling?

Mark

Mark,

Say ta your girlyfriend, although I do feel some of the praise I get is unjust at times, I really do struggle with my camera a lot, and I feel completely parked in the novice, but learning category!

I am glad you like my writing, I just try and explain in my language the best I can of how I feel. It really is simple, just think through your fingers I suppose.

Thanks for the nice comments :)

Gary.
 
:) That's quite alright, Gary. :) I had to add my two cent's worth in here. Like I said before it's where some of your writing are so profound and thought provoking while at the same time not attention seeking. If you know what I mean.
Indeed, I'm going to look forward to coming back to this thread at the end of a long hard working day and see what's on in the next instalment of Gary's 365.
All the best, mate. (y)

Thanks again Ian, really appreciate your taking the time to read and youe comments.
 
just catching up with this after a few days adsence, and i couldnt have picked 3 worser days to have missed. Amazingly simple photos, with such effect that the writing just flows along.

Cheers Gaz, hows work...
 
Hi Gary, have you been studying philosophy by any chance? I really understand what you are saying in this last entry. Fun all the time is no fun, it's as if there is no enjoyment without earning it. It's like having too much money, it seems like an Utopian concept, but then how do you get pleasure out of being able to buy everything that you want. You lose the excitement of researching what you want, and then the pleasure of getting it at long last. Like everything you need balance, so hurrah for funollars.(y)


Haha :LOL: Don't do studying, never been any good at it. I think alot, and try and make sense of my thoughts, otherwise, god knows, I just like to rant I guess.

Gary.
 
If you fancy some time out, give me a call. We can go and shoot something or someone.
 
If you fancy some time out, give me a call. We can go and shoot something or someone.

Hey defo! Off camping for the weekend, but lets catchup next week at some point. I am really wanting to go around EDI on a sunny day and try and capture the old town in all its glory. Mid to late afternoon best for light???

Gary.
 
tbh - i wont answer that, or else i will get in to legal battles with the threats i may make,

On the other hand - i am going to do a "1" tonight, My variation of a 365 haha

Looking forward to seeing it mate :)
 
Gary I truely think your 365 would be worthy of being turned into a book. The articles you write are so well scripted and not one image has failed to make me think "wow" yet. You have a real eye for this simplest of pictures with maximum impact!
 
2678573826_9c16af7fa3_o.jpg



(SPELLING AND GRAMMAR STILL TO BE CHECKED.)

Boxes. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes, perform a number of different functions, and no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to stop yourself paying for them, time and time again, until the day you die.


Take the simple cardboard box. It can hold your valuables. It can entertain your kids. It can amuse your cats. And unfortunately, for some. It's the only way to keep yourself warm and dry at night. Cheap and versatile, these are one of the most common of all boxes.


What about that small electronic box you carry in your pocket all day. It contains an electric mix of circuitry and wires, gizmos and gadgets, all perfectly packed to help your box perform a specific set of functions. It rings and vibrates too!!!


The magic box, one of my favourites! Designed to shock and awe, to bring the child in every one of us out! When used by the right person, it will leave every last one of us mistified and confused. Containing cards, wands, hats, cloaks, saws, rabbits, doves, swords and more, it is a childs dream come true! If only all boxes were so magical.


Some of you might have a box parked out on the street. It will have 5 wheels, one of which will help you steer your box around all the other boxes transporting goods around the country. These boxes have the most advanced safety features on the planet, to ensure the contents are as best protected as possible, yet every day, thousands of these fragile boxes will be involved in collisions with other boxes, resulting in the catastrophic destruction of all contents within.


As I said, boxes come in a variety of shapes and sizes. However, out of all of the different styles and combinations, the one that will most probably feature most prominently, is the box which so many of us choose to mould our life around. The box which we choose to live in. This box, we call home.


And what a magnificient box it is. Ample storage not only for our most prized of posessions, but plenty of space for yourself and your family to relax in. The box is designed to keep us warm, safe, and it's numerious functions promise to make life easier for all of us. It can generate hot water in an instant, increase air temperature in minutes, it can block light to create dark moody environments, or at the flip of a switch, you can recreate your own vision of Blackpool Illuminations. You can invite all your friends to come have a party in your box, or if you wish, you can close the door on the world, and take respite from all the hassle and strains on the outside of your safe, warm and secure box. Like I said, its magnificient...


Or is it? I spoke about balance yesterday, and as I suspected, the rule applies here too. Just as you do your damnest to look after your box as much as you possibly can, it, unfortunately, can never return the favour. The very box you love so much, picks you up and throws you on the street every single morning to ensure you earn your keep. This magnificient box DEMANDS that you work your arse off day in, day out, no questions asked. No matter how tired you are, how demotivated you feel, how much you hate being put out, every morning it will drag you kicking and screaming by the balls, before booting your arse so hard, you will fly to all the way to it's cousin along the road - to the box I call work.


And it's here, in work, where you get the second kick in the pants. This box is designed to drain you of all remaining energy, drain you of self respect, drain you of any shred of happyness you might be desperately trying to hold on to, and it doesnt give a f***. It grabs you every morning, and tightly closes its lid until it feels you have nothing left to give. It's at this point, it throws you out on your sorry arse, to find you own way back to the box which so brutally ejected you earlier in the day. And the irony is, the B*****D box we call home, sits smiling on your lawn, with warm inviting lights, a seductive door which emits smells designed to remind us how much we love the place, it pulls you quietly into a false sense of security, whilst all along, its only purpose is to rape you of every ounce of energy, with the help of its partner in crime, work.


For years now I have tried to find a weakness in their game plan, tried to exploit the situation to my advantage, but nothing works. Every morning I am kicked out, and every evening I return like a slave without free will. With no end in sight, it reminds me of the last two boxes I want to talk about. The first, a hidden box, a box which lurks in the shadows, a box which once opened, can never be shut. This, the most magical box of them all, will use any trick in the book to ensure you peek inside, no key required. Once you open Pandoras box, it will do its damnest to run you into the ground, and when it eventually breaks you, the last box I want to talk about will grab you, and trap you in eternal darkness, 6ft under, never to be heard of again.

Today I feel trapped, isolated and boxed in, and tomorrow promises to be one of the most difficult days of my life.

Gary.
 
i did a drum roll in my head and you gave me a box...a pretty box but a box.. where are the gorgeous images im used to seeing gary?
 
Thank god it's here, I was getting worried...

I like the image, plain and simple!

Don't worry about tomorrow, it's a day which you will no doubt make it through - then you have the next day, which will be better;)

Night mate...
 
Last edited:
Gary, a very strong yet completely true statement.

Tomorrow being the hardest day of your life? is this because you are yet to live it...
 
Gary, a very strong yet completely true statement.

Tomorrow being the hardest day of your life? is this because you are yet to live it...

Nah, going to be a particularly hard day in the office, but no choice.

G.
 
Your words and images really stir the soul Gary. Everyone of your posts has made me sit and think, sometimes briefly others require more in depth thought.

You have already changed my outlook on life for the better, I am more aware of my family and what is really important in life, I am certainly now trying to earn some funollers:D

I am wondering where this journey you have embarked on will take us all :shrug:

I have no idea where it will end up but I am certainly enjoying the ride.
Keep up the good work

Thankyou Gary
 
I love the frustration shot (you named it that so I'd have to look through the page to find an f to copy and paste, didn't you :LOL:)
Not too keen on the unbalance shot. Don't know why. Just doesn't do anything for me.
Inspired is fantastic.
It really is.
I love abstract. It breaks all the rules for composition, colour, exposure, etc etc etc, and it just works flawlessly. It can be something you've never seen before, or a rehash of something you've seen a million times over.

Excellent shots. Box one being very compelling.
 
Your words and images really stir the soul Gary. Everyone of your posts has made me sit and think, sometimes briefly others require more in depth thought.

You have already changed my outlook on life for the better, I am more aware of my family and what is really important in life, I am certainly now trying to earn some funollers:D

I am wondering where this journey you have embarked on will take us all :shrug:

I have no idea where it will end up but I am certainly enjoying the ride.
Keep up the good work

Thankyou Gary



Thanks Robin!!! :)

It was a difficult post yesterday, boxes are boring little things in reality and I was struggling to get across my point. Whats even stranger, I started with the intention of raving about how much I love home, how cool it is to have a place of your own to share etc, and then it dawned on me, you can't love a place which requires so much energy to keep it.

It really makes me wonder if a 25 year mortgage is worth even aspiring to, I mean, why do it? You can rent a lovely place at a quarter of the price, for the rest of your life. Sure, you loose a lot of the freedoms having your own place brings, but on the flip side, you don't have a bank breathing down your neck every month, for some, threatening to take that box you love and give it to someone else!!!

I really hope at the end of my 365, I will have learned to love the need to work...so far, no sign of that!!! :)

Gary.
 
I love the frustration shot (you named it that so I'd have to look through the page to find an f to copy and paste, didn't you :LOL:)
Not too keen on the unbalance shot. Don't know why. Just doesn't do anything for me.
Inspired is fantastic.
It really is.
I love abstract. It breaks all the rules for composition, colour, exposure, etc etc etc, and it just works flawlessly. It can be something you've never seen before, or a rehash of something you've seen a million times over.

Excellent shots. Box one being very compelling.

Agree with you FP, the unbalanced shot is pretty poor. Makes me look like I am doing an Ice Skating pose! :)

No rules with the 365, so I kept it in.

Gary.
 
2680077598_f9d930bf7c_o.jpg


Boy oh boy, I am in a world of sh*t right now. You know the saying, "you made your bed, now lie in it"? Well I have somehow managed to build myself a bed from old and volatile dynamite, and I’m being forced to go for a marathon sleep in it. There is a gun pointing at my head, forcing me to participate in an action I don’t feel I can participate in, and all I am able to do, is go along for the ride. A ride on a nuclear powered rocket – which is on the verge of exploding. I hope I can work my way through the fallout in my head afterwards, because just now, I have no idea how I am going to deal with this. It’s just one of those situations which needs taken care of, but you wish you could postpone for an eternity rather than face up to the reality of it all.


18 minutes and counting. I feel sick, I don’t want to eat, I just want to run home and shut my front door. I need to escape this feeling of impending doom, its driving me up the ****ing wall, and I am trapped in this damn office with its suffocatingly thick atmosphere. This is no good, and I can already feel this entry turning into a stupid over the top rant.


I have no idea who or what to blame for the current situation. I suspect a huge number of factors have all led me to this point, and there is no going back, regardless of how hard I wish I could. People’s attitudes, the climate of fear in the financial sector, the politics that run through I guess a lot of small organisations, all of it has accumulated to this current situation and I am now trapped having to take part in a process I would rather be a million miles away from.


If I can say anything, anything at all, I guess it would be sorry, from the bottom of my heart. People do not realise how tough it is to sit on the opposite side of the table at times, being forced to do things which you really wish you could avoid. Being forced to participate in a process designed to humiliate and distress those on the receiving end. Being forced to take someone’s life, and snap it in two, before washing your hands of the situation. Just as a surgeon would wash his hands, after tearing his patient to shreds as they lay dying on his operating table.


I only have 3 minutes left, and I am now struggling to continue with this. I am going to leave this entry for the time being, and I hope tomorrows is on a cheerier note.


Today, I feel scared, nervous and anxious. I wish I could run for the exit, instead of pushing people through it.


Gary.
 
Last edited:
Gary, an entry in which was passinote about a feeling your having, the cliff hanger is set.
 
Back
Top