The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I have actually photographed this photo for real around the Guildford Area, this is one from the net.
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I want to hear 99 people sing Toto's Africa

It's something a hundred men or more could never do.
 
That reminds me... Must get large tub of nice sweeties (for the menacing beggars) and ensure that all visible lights are extinguished before they come a'knockin'.
 
Tori_T said:
Stock up on these, and a few litres of fake blood. :sneaky:
Click to expand...


Only problem is that the only approach is up the drive so the cars and bikes would be in the firing line...
 
My wife asked me what Rohypnol was.
"Ask your sister" I said.
"On second thoughts, don't bother. She probably won't remember."
 
Hellman's mayo jars are the ideal size for a Mojito... Well, the 800g ones are!!!
 
FB Joke.jpg
 
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Another "Little Billy" one:-

Little Billy is in school, the teacher is asking the class "What does your Father do for a living?" Tommy gets asked and replies, " He's a postman Miss" Sally replies " a Brickie miss, so it goes around the class until it is Billys' turn. The teacher asks, with some trepidation " what does your Father do Billy? Billy replies," dunno Miss, never knew him!." For once the teacher feel sorry for little Billy, so asks " well what does your Grandad do then? " Billy replies " Nothing Miss" the Teacher says, "you mean he is retired or unemployed Billy?" " No Miss says Billy, dead Miss!" Oh I am sorry Billy! , what did he do before he died?" Billy pauses and replies " Coughed Farted and Fell off the chair!"
 
It's not as easy to donate a kidney as you think.
They ask all sorts of questions, like, " Where did you get it?" and "Whose is it?"
 
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