The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

sirch said:
Under capitalism man exploits man






Under communism its the other way round
Click to expand...
Mr Badger said:
I believe that a socialist economy can work very well indeed... until it runs out of other people's money. :whistle:
Click to expand...

Puns about socialism are not funny unless everybody gets them ...
 
For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.
He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey!' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.
 
54728921_2057850871174016_2264795551499288576_n.jpg
 
Cobra said:
View attachment 240423
Click to expand...

It was Saturday night in Manchester
There was only one cab on the rank
The driver was reading the News of the World
And quietly enjoying a w###k
When a waitress called Lena with tits like Sabrina
Came over and suddenly said
"How much would you charge me to Oldham"
Again she suddenly said...
He got such a shock, he let go of his cock and he rogered his gearknob instead
"Well", he said, "It is plain to see that you're a nice girl, I can tell,
So I won't charge you anything to Oldham
If you let me hold yours as well,
If you let me hold yours as well!"
 
FB_IMG_1553456023496.jpeg
 
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”

I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs
“Your badge, show him your BADGE!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top