The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Why women live longer than men. If you follow the latest viral videos, you'll know who the dudes on the balcony are, they'll have the coffin handy
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Sounds to me like these last few posts might be a cue for a classic book author's revival, such as;

The Tree Feller's Call by Tim Burr

Urbex of Haunted Locations by Hugo First

and

Bubbles In The Bath by Ivor Windybottom

Other book titles include

Clifftop Accidents by Eileen Dover

My Life as a Zookeeper by Ivor Menagerie

The Missionary Position by Mother Theresa

Games you can Play with your Pussy - what every cat owner should know

Still Stripping after 25 years Elenor Burns

How to succeed in business without a penis - Secrets and strategies for the working woman
 
Guy just moved into the Australian outback and only been there a couple of days when his phone rings.

"hello" says the voice on the other end " I am your next door neighbour about 50 miles down the road and just wanted to welcome you to Australia"

That is very kind of you "the man says " We must get together sometime and meet"
"Well I am having an Aussie Barbie next saturday. I wonder if you would like to come?"

"Thats nice of you,I have nothing planned so would love to come. Do I have to dress up?"
"No come as you please, we don't dressup when having an Aussie barbi.

"would around 7pm be ok"

"yes anytime to suit you will be fine"

What actually is an Aussie barbi consist of?

"Well you eat as much as you can and same with the drinks. Also you can have as much sex as you want"

"hey"says the man " that really sounds right up my street, How many others will be there"

"oh"says the neighbour" Its only just you and me"
 
Why aren't nuclear bunkers just made out of plastic doll's heads?
That's the only recognisable thing you ever see on the floor in a film after a nuclear bomb has gone off.
 
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