The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I believe it only jumped that high as it was being chased by one of the hundreds of wild big cats that allegedly currently roam the British countryside.... if you look you can see it in the bottom left hand corner, as clear as day!

;) :whistle:

Alright, I know! :coat:
Well spotted, that’s one of the clearest ‘wild big cat’ photos I’ve seen :).
 
I believe it only jumped that high as it was being chased by one of the hundreds of wild big cats that allegedly currently roam the British countryside.... if you look you can see it in the bottom left hand corner, as clear as day!

;) :whistle:

Alright, I know! :coat:
No bloody allegedly about it m8 , I came face to face with a fully grown panther in Shropshire about 20 years ago
 
Unless it’s a concrete one, which may slow you down a bit :).
I believe it only jumped that high as it was being chased by one of the hundreds of wild big cats that allegedly currently roam the British countryside.... if you look you can see it in the bottom left hand corner, as clear as day!

;) :whistle:

Alright, I know! :coat:
Well spotted, that’s one of the clearest ‘wild big cat’ photos I’ve seen :).
That's what I thought!

For goodness sake, don't encourage me, I'm in enough trouble already! ;)
Fenton? Fenton! F E N T O N!!!

Oh, not again?!
Honestly what's wrong with you lot?
Have you not heard the "Cat and the fiddle"?
Many a true word spoken in jest eh? it is 2020 after all
:p
 
Sad ending..

George was on his death bed and knew the end was near.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Manchester.

He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When everyone is assembled and all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son Dimitri, I want you to take the houses in Preston."

"My daughter Anthoula, you take the apartments over in Sydney Road."

"My son Kosta Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre."

"And to my dear wife Maria, please take all the residential properties in the High St."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Georges's wealth.

As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Stavrou, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property".

"What property?”, his wife replies. “The idiot had a window cleaning round."
 
I haven't seen this one for a while.


a blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. after sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

the bar immediately goes silent. in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says "before you tell that joke, i think its fair, giving that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. the bartender is a blonde girl.
2. the bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. i'm a 6 foot tall, 15 stone blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5. the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
now think about it seriously, mister. do you still wanna tell that joke?"

the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares "nah, not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times!"


;)
 
And that's just this weekend!
 
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