The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I misheard a comment by a reporter on TV after the budget.
He said that the budget contained some of the most difficult decisions a Chancellor had to make and not some of the most difficult decisions a Chancer had to make.

Dave
 
A friend of of mine from Liverpool looked very pale and shaken as he ended a telephone call.
I wondered what had upset him.
He said it was a call from his GP’s surgery asking him to come down for a jab.
For a moment he thought he’d been offered a job [emoji41]
 
A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!"
 
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