Divorce

wezza13 said:
It was meant as a jest, but the thing that stops me are our two kids.
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Time will come when the very real issue of finding the two of you will occupy the same space.

At that point there will JEST be the two of you... JEST saying [emoji56]
Seriously though if you can make it work then it is worth trying but if ig is broken then you have a decision time.
 
Got this week now before i go it alone! Been helping Ex setup her new utilities, bills etc for her new home. It all feels weird. 30 plus years together down the swanny! She cant wait! Lol. I wish her all the very best though and told her i am here if she needs anything. Just got to find myself a place to buy now while i rent a room. Been looking like mad. Hopefully something will turn up soon!

Thanks guys for all your kind words and support. Means a lot to me.
 
Raincloud said:
Even been drinking alcohol too much too!
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It's only natural that you want to find a distraction or something to help numb things for a while - but you don't need me or anyone else to tell you that alcohol isn't the right choice.
As much as you're wishing your ex all the best and helping her get sorted in a new place, keep some of that same energy back and look after yourself too.
I know that's easy for me to say as I'm sat here, but you have the incentive of keeping yourself well and upbeat for your daughter too.

You'll find the right place to buy soon enough and that will be the start of things starting to move upwards for you.
 
Does it count if I've never been divorced myself, but my parents are divorced? If so, my parents split up when I was a year old and finalized the divorce when I was four.
 
Raincloud said:
Got this week now before i go it alone! Been helping Ex setup her new utilities, bills etc for her new home. It all feels weird. 30 plus years together down the swanny! She cant wait! Lol. I wish her all the very best though and told her i am here if she needs anything. Just got to find myself a place to buy now while i rent a room. Been looking like mad. Hopefully something will turn up soon!

Thanks guys for all your kind words and support. Means a lot to me.
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I don't mean to balls up the last sentence but why the f&*k are you helping her out and saying you will be there for her when she's put you through the ringer and she can't wait? Sorry but you're saying yourself its driving you to drink etc so you should make a clean break and get the f*^k out of that relationship!
 
Donnie said:
I don't mean to balls up the last sentence but why the f&*k are you helping her out and saying you will be there for her when she's put you through the ringer and she can't wait? Sorry but you're saying yourself its driving you to drink etc so you should make a clean break and get the f*^k out of that relationship!
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I want to see her all set up properly as my daughter will be living there too.
 
Donnie said:
yes I did as I remember this



Hence my question.
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Oh, sorry, you on about my daughter?

No, she wont be staying with me in the house share i have got. Hopefully that will be temporary as i am currently looking for a 2 bed property to buy. Now is the time as coming up to spring is when we see the most properties going up for sale. Ex has a lovely house that i found her. Too expensive for me though.

Almost in tears as i write this! Horrible horrible time!
 
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Raincloud said:
Oh, sorry, you on about my daughter?

No, she wont be staying with me in the house share i have got. Hopefully that will be temporary as i am currently looking for a 2 bed property to buy. Now is the time as coming up to spring is when we see the most properties going up for sale. Ex has a lovely house that i found her. Too expensive for me though.

Almost in tears as i write this! Horrible horrible time!
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Good man for making sure your ex is set up properly - hard as it is for you, you have done the right thing to look after her first. You will find somewhere good - don't give up.
 
@Raincloud

You've done right by them now do right by YOURSELF yes I'm shouting.

Keep yourself busy and get this into your head THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

If you need to, go see your Doctor and talk to them, get some happy tablets if you have to, theres no shame in it.

You've made sure everyone is sorted now time to look after you.
 
ChrisH said:
@Raincloud

You've done right by them now do right by YOURSELF yes I'm shouting.

Keep yourself busy and get this into your head THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

If you need to, go see your Doctor and talk to them, get some happy tablets if you have to, theres no shame in it.

You've made sure everyone is sorted now time to look after you.
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100% this :agree:
 
ChrisH said:
@Raincloud

You've done right by them now do right by YOURSELF yes I'm shouting.

Keep yourself busy and get this into your head THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

If you need to, go see your Doctor and talk to them, get some happy tablets if you have to, theres no shame in it.

You've made sure everyone is sorted now time to look after you.
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I been on happy tablets since my dear loving parents passed away almost 14 years ago.
 
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Had a really bad emotional 2 days. Extremely upset.

One, i am missing my daughter (hopefully i will get the car back soon as in garage so i have no transport)

Two, living in a pit of a place while i search for a property to buy. It freezing here even with heating on! Dirty and in a horrible area and quite a walk from work!
 
Raincloud said:
Had a really bad emotional 2 days. Extremely upset.

One, i am missing my daughter (hopefully i will get the car back soon as in garage so i have no transport)

Two, living in a pit of a place while i search for a property to buy. It freezing here even with heating on! Dirty and in a horrible area and quite a walk from work!
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Heart goes out to you. I know that when I have felt low, trying to keep busy helps, either with friends or jobs like trying to learn excel or keeping fit or watching a box set. It does help to pass the time.

I believe your daughter is older, so maybe face time each day or even if you are not too far away see if you can meet up each day for a coffee for an hour?
 
cambsno said:
Heart goes out to you. I know that when I have felt low, trying to keep busy helps, either with friends or jobs like trying to learn excel or keeping fit or watching a box set. It does help to pass the time.

I believe your daughter is older, so maybe face time each day or even if you are not too far away see if you can meet up each day for a coffee for an hour?
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Thank you
 
I’ve been divorced twice. It’s harder when there’s kids involved (wasn’t first time around) but it’s easier if you can figure things out yourselves and not have too much legal involvement (second time around).

Stay strong, stay positive, you can do this. By looking after them you have one less thing to worry about and now you can set yourself up. You will miss your daughter - mine lives with me but when she first started going to her dads i found it really hard. Not texting to find out how everything was going and just trusting him to be a parent was actually a lot of effort but I had to. The first time she was with him and not very well it took all of my energy not to swoop in and bring her home but doing that would have undermined him. Over the next months and years you will find that there are lots of things you may need to compromise on - both of you - separated adults can still jointly parent.

You’re currently going through the hardest part. You’ll be ok.
 
Iris said:
I’ve been divorced twice. It’s harder when there’s kids involved (wasn’t first time around) but it’s easier if you can figure things out yourselves and not have too much legal involvement (second time around).

Stay strong, stay positive, you can do this. By looking after them you have one less thing to worry about and now you can set yourself up. You will miss your daughter - mine lives with me but when she first started going to her dads i found it really hard. Not texting to find out how everything was going and just trusting him to be a parent was actually a lot of effort but I had to. The first time she was with him and not very well it took all of my energy not to swoop in and bring her home but doing that would have undermined him. Over the next months and years you will find that there are lots of things you may need to compromise on - both of you - separated adults can still jointly parent.

You’re currently going through the hardest part. You’ll be ok.
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Thank you.
 
Raincloud said:
Thank you.

Yes, at my very lowest point. Even been drinking alcohol too much too!
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Get that kicked into touch PDQ. That will open a door to a whole new world of hurt and therein lies misery you will not believe.

All the best.
 
Well, not had any alcohol in 3 weeks now.

Living in a shared house with one guy who is a complete jerk.

Looking at buying a place for myself and when my daughter stays over (hopefully at least 3 times a week).
 
Raincloud said:
Well, not had any alcohol in 3 weeks now.

Living in a shared house with one guy who is a complete jerk.

Looking at buying a place for myself and when my daughter stays over (hopefully at least 3 times a week).
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Keep going, alcohol is not a friend. Concentrate on your daughter and yourself.
 
Raincloud said:
Well, not had any alcohol in 3 weeks now.

Living in a shared house with one guy who is a complete jerk.

Looking at buying a place for myself and when my daughter stays over (hopefully at least 3 times a week).
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Proud of you mate, life sometimes id like a bucking bronco and it takes a bit to hold on. You'll find the right place at some point and get settled and back on the right track. Glad you okay :runaway:
 
Raincloud said:
Wish i was. Thanks for asking.
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There's a lass who works for me just completed her divorce a few weeks back from an abusive relationship after a year of separation. She still struggles with it, even though she's in a better place of freedom than she was married. It takes a long time to stop being part of someone you were married to, especially if you were together for a long time and have children.
 
That's a lot of life together, and no surprise recovery is slow. That's a tough path you're walking right now.
 
Listen to these guys, you will get there. I was married only a third of the time you were and it took me a couple of years to get back on track, the first year was so hard and painful and it was my decision to end the relationship but it wasn’t an easy decision to have made. Please be kind to yourself, there is help available when you’re ready
 
Raincloud said:
Thanks all. It is very difficult....
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Hi

It is six months from the start of your journey and it is no surprise it is hard and a struggle.

Sadly there is no magic potion to ease the pain and the only thing that bonds those of us, like you is the unbelievable change and continuing challenges you face daily. Having a child adds to that pain tenfold.

I ended up in 2 divorces though there was little comparison between the two.

I can only recommend that you must occupy yourself and build a circle of friends that you trust. Your child remains hour focus and you need to set targets for change and progress. Nothing is a given and proress/change may br slow or invisible. There will be good and bad times, it is to be expected..

Concentrate on YOU and your daughter. That advise stays firm. Good that the alcohol draw is something you concentrate on. Never allow your daughter se see you diminished by booze.

Steve
 
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