Gary's 365 - Feelings & Emotions (ended early)

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Well.......time for another daily dose of brainfart from Mr Touchy Feely! I am actually feeling pretty positive this afternoon, must be the weekend getting closer and the sun hitting my desk. Maybe it's all the smarties I swallowed half an hour ago, they do strange things to me. Regardless, I am one happy cookie :O)

I have been thinking today about a lot of the ups and downs I have been having lately, I guess my 365 has a lot to do with it. It occured to me I should probably do less complaining, and sit back and appreciate what I have for a change. I have the perfect wife. I have an adorable and clever son. I have a family that would move heaven and earth to protect me. I have true friends who share common interests and goals. I have good health. These things are priceless, and I am the luckiest man alive to have this collection of gifts.

The trouble is, I did not earn this box of goodies, not one bit! I did not work for it, I did not look for it, and I did not ask for it. In fact I have often tried to push it away, abuse it, take it for granted, all too often. And no matter how hard I poke fun at fate, and dare it to take it all away, my box of goodies remains intact, not even a scratch on it. It's clear to me that an external force is watching my back. Luck and luck alone has handed it all to me on a plate, and you know what? It doesn't want it back. I have in the past told myself, no such thing as fate, you make your own luck in life, and nothing is certain. b****x the lot of it. Without luck, I would be doomed.


The simple fact is, I should not be sitting here typing this. I should be shooting junk into my veins in a dark alley somewhere. I should be spending my days in prison. I should be begging on the local high street with no hopes or dreams. I should be a psychotic ******** with a thirst for violence. Yet, something has protected me, kept me on the straight and narrow, and guided me through the darkest days time and time again. More on that later.

Going forward with my 365, I will no doubt touch on the ways in which Luck has held my hand, watched my back, and kept the demons at bay. I have a million stories to tell, and everyone of them a happy ending. I can't wait to get started, going to be fun!

Today, I feel like the luckiest man alive.

Gary.
 
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Brilliant image that could be used as a stock image!!! One of my faves so far!
 
Nice image Gary, and well thought out. I must admit I'm amazed how you keep thinking these up.:clap:

Awww thank you. I spend a lot of time deep in thought whilst at work I guess, and I am quite good at tuning in on an emotion or feeling, and i can talk for scotland...so it works :D

Thanks for the comments,

Gary.
 
Can you believe it's been 16 days already??

Love reading your comments, i've never really stopped to comment myself, when I do i'm sure there will be a lot, but i'm not going to write anything that's not meaningful and just type for the sake of it, because I know every word you type you mean.
 
Can you believe it's been 16 days already??

Love reading your comments, i've never really stopped to comment myself, when I do i'm sure there will be a lot, but i'm not going to write anything that's not meaningful and just type for the sake of it, because I know every word you type you mean.

Thanks Whittie, I think I am maybe enjoying the whole thing a little too much :)! I had no idea how I felt about a lot of things, and some of the posts which have transpired I could not have predicted when I started this.

Looking forward to seeing if I can maintain it!

Gary.
 
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Well today, I am stumped :) Buggered off for a walk at lunch time, and on my way into Princess Street Gardens, this image jumped out at me. I think it is perfect for the way I am feeling today, and in fact, the way I feel nearly every day. This image says it more than any word I can come with...I think the closest I can manage is Irregular, or pehaps more appropriatly, Erratic.

The thing is, my 365 has just shown me how up and down my emotions are on any given day. High, low, insanenly happy, or doubting everyone and everything. Full of beans, or dead on my feet... I go round and round in an endless cycle of wierd and wonderful moods, and I feel it's this emotional dance we do that makes every one of us unique.

Take today for example. I crawled out of bed, and was absolutely gutted at the prospect of work. I did my usual routine, things like taking the dog for the loo, making a cuppa, catching up on a few emails in my boxers, before heading for a shower. After the shower, I was still pretty down - really not wanting to leave the house. My bike is out of order at the moment, and parking is too expensive. The thought of the bus ride to work, followed by a day of boring repetitive tasks was really getting to me. Regardless, I jumped in the car with Claire, and got dropped off at the bus stop (it's on route to Claires work).

On the bus, I pick up a copy of todays Metro. One story in particular grabs me, a story about how in Zimbabwe, these animals are killing their own, using the most brutal methods available to them. I sink even further, whats the point?

Off the bus, I get a bit of fresh air, and WHAM, I am hit with a nice dose of contentness and curiosity - where did it come from? I am now whistling away, looking to see if I can grab a sneaky pic of anything interesting, not a care in the world. Work is a million miles away, even though I will arrive after 3 minutes walk. The bus ride and Zimbabwe story? Pffft - so last week. Nothing matters, I am just chilled, relaxed and enjoying my short morning walk...

I get into the office, and can you guess what happened next? Somebody shoot me. Not a happy bunny, not even nearly. I don't want to turn my PC on, I don't want to speak to anyone and I don't want to have to wait 8 hours for "playtime" ...this feeling lasted, ooh I dunno. A minute? Two minutes? I don't know, but before long I was laughing and joking with colleagues, and kicking my PC into action. Kettle was on, tea being made, and again, I am chilling...

I could go on and on, and often do ;) However, I think I have made my point. Today (and probably everyday!) I feel erratic and irregular!

Gary.
 
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Your chilling now so that is a good thing :D

How did you do that border around your image? look pretty cool :)

Some days i don't get what you mean in your post so i have to read it a couple of time, dumb uh? :LOL:

Tony
 
Some days i don't get what you mean in your post so i have to read it a couple of time, dumb uh? :LOL:
Tony

Sorry about that, I tend to rant and talk some sh*t at times!!! It's just my daily brainfart, and I guess it's hit and miss whether people will be able to connect to A, the image and B the text.

Both things are hugely personal, and stick to no rules I guess - I mean a pic of a gate is just a pic of a gate, yet to me, it on this day represents how I feel. Therefore to me, its much more than just a pic of a gate etc....

See how easy it is to make me rant, rave and waffle? Arrgh :bang:


:D

Gary.
 
Love the story behind todays post, I can so relate to everything you say! Picture is good as always, but today the story has made me smile more than anything - too true, just too true!

(I thought I was the only one that checked my emails fresh out of bed!) :D
 
Love the story behind todays post, I can so relate to everything you say! Picture is good as always, but today the story has made me smile more than anything - too true, just too true!

(I thought I was the only one that checked my emails fresh out of bed!) :D

Glad you are enjoying it Snowball! :) On some days off I can sit in my boxers for 3 hours checking mail, and doing other interwebby bits and bobs before falling into a bath for a soak...easy to get addicted to the net.

G.
 
Hi there Gary, just read through your thread, and I have to say, I think its amazing. There are so many of your photos that I love, and the explantation that goes wth them is fantastic. Reading through it all, I've felt all the highs and lows that you did, I'm emotionally worn out now!!

I think you are very brave to bare your soul, I imagine its quite theraputic, well done:clap::clap:
 
Hi there Gary, just read through your thread, and I have to say, I think its amazing. There are so many of your photos that I love, and the explantation that goes wth them is fantastic. Reading through it all, I've felt all the highs and lows that you did, I'm emotionally worn out now!!

I think you are very brave to bare your soul, I imagine its quite theraputic, well done:clap::clap:


Thank you very much, and yes, it is VERY theraputic. My general mood since starting is MUCH better, I think the daily dump of emotions is helping loads :)

Gary.
 
now this is something i cannot do,
Walk past a gate which you probally have done a thousend times and think - right i'll snap this and make it look amazing, not only that but relate to the gate an image to the day you have had.
i wish i had this random inspration, i guess that come with the madness of photography after a while.
 
now this is something i cannot do,
Walk past a gate which you probally have done a thousend times and think - right i'll snap this and make it look amazing, not only that but relate to the gate an image to the day you have had.
i wish i had this random inspration, i guess that come with the madness of photography after a while.

Gazz thats a lovely thing to say, and its easier than you think. Go for a walk tomorrow, try and tune into how you are feeling, and shoot - it may take some time but keep at it. I found this 365 very hard when I started, but it is getting easier for me to think about my feelings, and I cannot describe the improvement in my general mood!! :)

Gary.
 
Very cool picture Gary, it's the kind of thing you wouldn't notice in a million years if you walked passed it every day. Seems as though you've certainly got an eye for photography ;)
 
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Don't you just love Saturdays? Long lie in bed, no early morning traffic jams, no office warfare, and no 15 minute queue in sainsburies for a "Be Good to Yourself" pasta salad come midday. Quite simply, no bloody hassles. I imagine this is what retirement must be like, every day. Peaceful, refreshing and enjoyable. Instead of running the race, you sit on the sidelines feeling sorry for all the poor b*stards, some of them just started running (the unlucky ones), some around the half way mark (the REALLY unlucky ones), and the rest who are at the last hurdle looking forward to a welcome break.

I consider myself one of the REALLY unlucky ones, having experienced enough work to know what the next 40 years is likely to present to me. I would love to think I am past the half way marker, but in reality, I'm probably not even close to it. Having worked for only 12 years give or take, I am just a pup compared to those of you on the other side of the finish line. This is a depressing thought, knowing that for the next 30, maybe 40, years, I will be restricted to just one Saturday a week.

I have various motivations to get the business firing on all cylinders, and without a doubt, the dream of an early retirement is at the top of that list. What I would give to clock off for the last time, knowing that my family and I were able to relax and enjoy life without work cracking the whip 5 days a week. A distant dream, but you never know, some dreams do come true.

Today I feel relaxed, and come tomorrow, that Sunday feeling will have started to creep forcing relaxation to leave me for another long and tedious week.

Gary.
 
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I do love Saturdays yep :) there seems to be more photo opportunities.

I've worked in a factory and in a computer repair shop, i think that has told me that i wouldn't be able to keep a job for very long with people on my back all the time :)

Tony
 
I do love Saturdays yep :) there seems to be more photo opportunities.

I've worked in a factory and in a computer repair shop, i think that has told me that i wouldn't be able to keep a job for very long with people on my back all the time :)

Tony

No avoiding work it seems eh? Just get stuck in, try and find something you enjoy too, will make it much easier to deal with :)

G.
 
I was thinking about going for a photographers job with the EDP. But after days of thinking i didn't know what the requirements was. They don't tell you on the website either :( :LOL:

I think there all interested in a portfolio :D

Tony
 
I was thinking about going for a photographers job with the EDP. But after days of thinking i didn't know what the requirements was. They don't tell you on the website either :( :LOL:

I think there all interested in a portfolio :D

Tony

I'd love to take photos for a living, however and unfortunately for me, a certain amount of knowledge and Skill is required!!! :) Maybe one day?

Gary.
 
Gazz thats a lovely thing to say, and its easier than you think. Go for a walk tomorrow, try and tune into how you are feeling, and shoot - it may take some time but keep at it. I found this 365 very hard when I started, but it is getting easier for me to think about my feelings, and I cannot describe the improvement in my general mood!! :)

Gary.

Do you know something, thos imple words are what i really need to do - i just have never though of doing it.

Your last picture is again, such a moment where by i feel that its just a random picture where you have problally just grabbed the moment,
I guess its about looking past the original sighting and thinking about what is acctually happening.


I continue to read this 365 wih great admiration!
 
Do you know something, thos imple words are what i really need to do - i just have never though of doing it.

Your last picture is again, such a moment where by i feel that its just a random picture where you have problally just grabbed the moment,
I guess its about looking past the original sighting and thinking about what is acctually happening.


I continue to read this 365 wih great admiration!

Thanks again for the nice words, I mean it. You are right the photos are random, but I try my hardest to nail my mood, every time. It can be tough, as any given emotion may have so much more going on that any image can show. Its wierd, since starting this I seem to have a subconcious reminder in my head that says "Right, now you need to do your 365", and its often when I am feeling quite a strong emotion or if I am deep in thought. Today I was chilling, looking at pics in a new photography book I bought, having a cup of tea, and it occured to me - I am completely relaxed, chilled and this would be perfect for my 365. Twenty minutes later, its online :)

Gary.
 
it is deffiantly one of this images where you ask yourself, what is that guy thinking/reading.
 
it is deffiantly one of this images where you ask yourself, what is that guy thinking/reading.

Just looking at pics, trying to guess apertures, lenses, and most importantly, where the inspiration came from. Awesome book. It's called Wide Angle, Greatest Places. A national geographic book.

Gary.
 
Well i think the camera may go out tonight or tomorrow, i really need to practice! Not held the camera in a day or two...
 
Well i think the camera may go out tonight or tomorrow, i really need to practice! Not held the camera in a day or two...

Been out all day with mine, not sure the results will be worth showing though, not loaded them onto PC yet...

Gary.
 
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Control. That's a scary word is it not? As soon as more than one force in the same space want's control, someone is going to get hurt. Whether its your kids fighting over the sky remote to choose which version of the Disney Channel should be watched, or it's the newly married couple trying to work out the invisible rules at home, someone more often than not, will come off worse.

I have been with my Wife Claire for the best part of 8 years, and we married in August 2007. We have had a wonderful life together for the most part, and our wedding was fantastic. We enjoy each others company, strive to spend our days off together, and always try and make sure we talk and get any problems out in the open. The trouble is (and I feel this must be the case with all relationships), the trouble is control. Who has it? Who wants it? Why should one have it and not the other? I feel that is one of the fundamental problems in any relationship, mines included, the balance of control.

I am a very difficult to live with individual I suspect. I am stubborn, arrogant and at times extremely selfish. I talk too much, I often talk over people, and at times, I might refuse to accept I am wrong, even though deep down I know I am. This is a gross abuse of control, and I will be honest, I have been aware of it for some time and did and still do actively manage myself to ensure I keep it at bay. I can't pinpoint why I am like this, and I don't like being in control, it's just something that creeps up at times. As I said, I am aware and have taken massive steps over the past few years to treat my wife and others with the respect they deserve, and trust me, it makes you a different person.

A few years ago, I might insist if we went for a meal, that it was in MY favourite restaurant. I might insist that if we went to see a film, I picked it. I mean, what a knob. That's no way to treat anyone, and no-one should be expected to put up with it. Simple changes like listening to others opinion, and realising they are on the same playing field makes a world of difference. Now when it comes to going for a meal, the first thing I ask is, "Where do you fancy". Film? I will mostly say "What's on? Sounds like fun.". I have redressed the balance, restored it, and i think it's why in 40 years time, I will still be taking Claire's hand to the cinema, and enjoying my nights out at the local italian with her.

I often use my mums life as a guide for mine, she is a star and has had one or two power struggles, trust me. Often, if I need to know if I am doing the right thing, I just need to look into my past. Specifically with regards to control, I look back and I see my stepdad dragging her by the hair to my livingroom door, and beating her head with the door and frame. I think back to when my stepdad would take my mum to the Dole office to "sign on", after which he would demand every penny and go and blow the lot on drink and drugs. I think back to when my stepdad robbed the local corner shop with a replica sawn off shotgun. I think back to my time in Primary 1, when my stepdad would take me to school, and DEMAND that I pass him the crate of milk for the kids, through the open classroom window. That ******* grabbed control, and refused to let it go, regardless of the cost. A 10 year old with a black eye was better than a 10 year old with a choice. A 30 year old wife getting electric shocks in the local Psycho ward is better than a 30 year old wife with power. Like I said, looking into my past, I can very quickly figure out whether or not I am doing the right thing.

Control is something I now feel I have mastered, and for the right reasons. If I slip up? I just look back, realise how much of an ass I have been, and I do my damned hardest to make up for it.

Today, I feel in control. In control of my life, my feelings and my future.

Gary.
 
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This thread is really quite amazing, I wish I could put my feelings and emotions into words sometimes, let alone photograph them so clearly. Quite an inspiration. Good man

Give it a try, you will enjoy it :) Thanks for the nice comments,

Gary.
 
Oh my! That last post is one of the most revealing you have written to date Gary.
It's true, who wields the decision making power in any relationship is one of the hardest things to get right.

I hate conflict. I just don't "do" conflict. I've learned to deal with it in a calm and professional manner in my life but in circumstances where I could detach from it.

When it gets too close to home I hate it. I won't have conflict as a part of my life, it's a deal breaker for me. Luckily I have a family here at home who don't expect me to have to.

Lovely post today Gary, Thank you.
 
Oh my! That last post is one of the most revealing you have written to date Gary.
It's true, who wields the decision making power in any relationship is one of the hardest things to get right.

I hate conflict. I just don't "do" conflict. I've learned to deal with it in a calm and professional manner in my life but in circumstances where I could detach from it.

When it gets too close to home I hate it. I won't have conflict as a part of my life, it's a deal breaker for me. Luckily I have a family here at home who don't expect me to have to.

Lovely post today Gary, Thank you.

I'd love to live like that, but I find wherever there is conflict, theres a chance to learn more about yourself, how you handle things, thats probably some of the reasoning behind my current career move. In my relationship however, my other half normally makes the decisions, and then I yes or no them ;) . Seriously though, we tend not to argue, or fight for control, we share it, kind of like gary's shot, the left hand does the one thing, the right the other, and it comes together for the better hopefully.
 
Ali,

Sounds like you have it all under control :LOL: ;) Conflict is soul destroying, and one of the biggest precursors to conflict, is an unhealthy thirst for control.

Gary.
 
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