Have you told your child its naughty

Labelling is bad.

If somebody stole something - that's a thing they did and they can choose not to do it again.
If you tell somebody they are a thief then that's a label. They are a thief, they steal things, that's what they do.

Words have power. Use them wisely.
 
I think it’s important to make it clear to the child that their behaviour is being criticised, ie "what you did was 'naughty'", rather than "you are naughty".

The behavioural issue can then be addressed without the child thinking they are inherently ‘naughty' which could be damaging I think.
 
Labelling is bad.

If somebody stole something - that's a thing they did and they can choose not to do it again.
If you tell somebody they are a thief then that's a label. They are a thief, they steal things, that's what they do.

Words have power. Use them wisely.
So if I kill someone and choose not to do it again, it's wrong to call me a murderer?
 
So, likewise., you will not be able to praise the child either.

No one has said you can't praise or discipline a child.

They can do good or bad things.

But labelling the child as good/bad rather than the actions as being good/bad can be more damaging in the long run. Is what the research says.
 
I'm in my late 30s. As a child, when I was naughty, I got clipped around the ear. It happened less as I got older and by the time I was 10 I'd managed to avoid doing naughty things. Being told I was naughty or doing something naughty did nothing to deter my actions. It made a difference in that I learned (albeit slowly) to behave myself. I paid more attention in school, worked harder, went to university, got a worthwhile degree and have a good job.

I'm not condoning violence towards children but I feel that every child has to be treated differently. There has to be some positivity too - if you constantly berate a child, their self-esteem will suffer. Maybe this is why some kids end up depressed or suicidal. I don't know. I'm not clever enough.
 
This is just the "experts" way of finding excuses for children that are inherently bad.
Because they've been told they're bad, it's made them bad ...
 
So you can still punish a child for acting naughty.

You can teach a child that their actions are right/wrong.

You can call a child good/naughty if you want, some research has suggested there are better ways of dealing with it though.

And the snowflakes are offended by the suggestion? Is that about it?
 
Folks - have a look in to Childhood Trauma. I'm intending to adopt - my child or children will be traumatised having been abused. Most kids will be fine if they're called naughty once in a while - but over time and if coupled with emotional or physical abuse it gets internalised.

Terribly sorry if Gen X / Baby Boomers are offended by objective research - but I fully intend to parent with a view to developing my children, not (potentially) adding to their trauma.
 
Terry Pratchett just about got it right when he wrote: "It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying."

:naughty:
 
As far as I can make out, this isn't recent research. A quick google brings up a piece in The Guardian from 2000 with subsequent similar reports since, that Nursery staff aren't allowed to call children naughty.
That probably accounts for all the early 20 somethings and younger, who are little s***s.
If a child does something naughty once and is told they are naughty just once, they have no inherent understanding of being constantly being naughty. If a child continues to be naughty, guess what, they're naughty.
Stop making excuses for them, grow some balls and deal with it and stop pampering the little s***s.
 
As far as I can make out, this isn't recent research. A quick google brings up a piece in The Guardian from 2000 with subsequent similar reports since, that Nursery staff aren't allowed to call children naughty.
That probably accounts for all the early 20 somethings and younger, who are little s***s.
If a child does something naughty once and is told they are naughty just once, they have no inherent understanding of being constantly being naughty. If a child continues to be naughty, guess what, they're naughty.
Stop making excuses for them, grow some balls and deal with it and stop pampering the little s***s.


Very true, imo I think a lot of folk think their children are angels when really they are little monsters. The day they banned school teachers from smacking a bad/naughty child changed everything, plus if you smack your child now you can end up in court which is just crazy imo.
 
Folks - have a look in to Childhood Trauma. I'm intending to adopt - my child or children will be traumatised having been abused. Most kids will be fine if they're called naughty once in a while - but over time and if coupled with emotional or physical abuse it gets internalised.

Terribly sorry if Gen X / Baby Boomers are offended by objective research - but I fully intend to parent with a view to developing my children, not (potentially) adding to their trauma.
In situations like this, I understand and agree with what you are saying, but to use it as a generalisation when bringing up all children? I'm not so sure, but I'm not the expert.
 
That's the trouble with conclusions, something comes along and changes them.
 
There is a world of difference between a child who is continually berated for their behaviour and physically and/or mentally abused and a child who is told he/she is naughty now and then when they do something wrong.
I think children are better able to understand why they are told they are naughty than they are given credit for.

Dave
 
It's simple really, tell them they are naughty, tell them what they are doing is naughty and explain why it's naughty and explain the consequences of what will happen if they continue or repeat their actions. Then there's no confusion.
My two boys (now 22 and 28) turned out just fine and were never left traumatised by such actions.
My sister in laws kids however, who weren't treated as such and not told they were naughty, are open for debate. My neice who is the eldest at 21 has managed to turn herself around, but from around 10 to 17 she was a right cow.
My eldest nephew at 18, has very little respect for his mother, he even admits to it.
The next two, boys aged 12 and 13, really are little s***s, they know something is naughty and will deliberately do it. They are going to be more trouble as they get older. The youngest, she is just 4, so far she is ok, doesn't play up and a pleasure to be around, just so long as she doesn't get influenced by her brothers, she should remain that way.
 
In situations like this, I understand and agree with what you are saying, but to use it as a generalisation when bringing up all children? I'm not so sure, but I'm not the expert.
So where is the cut off? Once OK? Twice? Twice a day? It's probably a bit like booze - one or two won't kill you, but won't do you any good either. And yes - I do drink...
 
So where is the cut off? Once OK? Twice? Twice a day? It's probably a bit like booze - one or two won't kill you, but won't do you any good either. And yes - I do drink...
As often as necessary. If they are naughty, tell them, if they are good let them know.
 
I think a lot of the problem relates to parenting skills, or lack of them. I cannot remember the last time I witnessed a parent, in public, chastise one of their offspring for running amok. Parent probably staring at their mobile phone and far too busy to be parenting.

If children are not corrected on bad behaviour, how are they to learn right from wrong? Too many parents seem to want to shift the responsibility onto teachers and anyone else they can.

If a child is ‘naughty’ then they should be told, not ‘oh look, Jonny is self-expressing’. It is not labelling, it is called parenting and taking responsibility!
 
I think a lot of the problem relates to parenting skills, or lack of them. I cannot remember the last time I witnessed a parent, in public, chastise one of their offspring for running amok. Parent probably staring at their mobile phone and far too busy to be parenting.

If children are not corrected on bad behaviour, how are they to learn right from wrong? Too many parents seem to want to shift the responsibility onto teachers and anyone else they can.

If a child is ‘naughty’ then they should be told, not ‘oh look, Jonny is self-expressing’. It is not labelling, it is called parenting and taking responsibility!
When my eldest neice was 18, we all went out for a family meal at a local Harvester before she went out with her mates. My two youngest nephews were running amok and messing about with the cutlery on empty tables and near other people trying to enjoy their own meals. My sister in law was getting more and more stressed trying to control them and look after her 1yr old daughter at the same time. Her husband did nothing apart from keep saying how he was having a wonderful time.
I think there were quite a few diners, family members and restaurant staff that would have dearly liked to have belted the two boys and their father. It was embarrassing, having to be associated with them, even my niece couldn't wait for the meal to end and it wasn't just so she could go out with her mates.
 
It seems odd to me that we aren't allowed to add any sort of label, when it seems perversely when anyone is 'naughty' there seems to be another label attached to this which explains why. e.g. ADHD, (insert any other condition you can think of)

My daughter is 5 tomorrow and she knows exactly what she is doing when she pushes the boundaries, she also knows the consequences, and so far that balance is working. I think we are in the early stages of seeing how this will progress in the future, the snowflake generation will be bringing up their own children, and with that will likely come a further level of expectation and entitlement. I see it all the time in the workplace here. Not everyone is the same, but the upbringing people have is probably the biggest influence on people in their early adult life. (no I haven't researched this so I am more than likely going to be proved wrong ;) )

For me, the main thing we should be fostering is respect for other people, not in the way of unearned respect because someone happens to be your boos for example, but just a consideration for other people. Manners cost nothing, and I always make sure my daughter uses hers, and set an example for her in way we, as parents behave.

Parenting is probably the hardest and equally most rewarding job those of us with children will ever do, but there is no training and no qualification required, I think most people seem to do OK, I hope that doesn't get lost in the future.
 
Of course it won't affect them, it did not affect the current or past generations, that's why the world is such a perfect place these days!
 
Like every human being on the planet I do some idiotic things. I don't mind, sometimes after a period of reflection, being told I've done something idiotic.

But no one had better call me an idiot.

This very forum is run on similar principles.
 
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