The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start
> their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
> kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
> rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ''Good morning, madam. You
> don't know me but I've come to....''
>
> ''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.
>
> ''Really ?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a
> specialty of babies.''
>
> ''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
> seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
>
> ''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
> couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
> is fun too; you can really spread out.''
>
> ''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.''
>
> ''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
> we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
> angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''
>
> ''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
> ''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be
> in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm
> sure.''
>
> ''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his
> briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was
> done on the top of a bus in downtown London.''
>
> ''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
>
> ''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider
> their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The photographer handed
> Mrs. Smith the picture.
> ''She was difficult ?'' asked Mrs. Smith.
> ''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get
> the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
> pushing to get a good look.''
>
> ''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
>
> ''Yes,'' the photographer said.
>
> ''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly
> squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness
> approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels
> began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith
> leaned forward.
>
> ''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment ?''
>
> ''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
> that we can get to work.''
>
> ''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
>
> ''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
> big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ?
> Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!''