It's that time of the week again, when I feel the whole weight of the world on my shoulders. Work is a difficult prospect at the best of times, but recently it has been harder than normal due to various issues with staff and office morale. The weekends are my window of respite, but every sunday I get that sinking feeling right about now.
The trouble with work is, it more than anything else, dictates the life you can have on various levels. People say money can't buy happiness, I say thats b******t. Without my job, no mortgage, no house, no nice nights out, no new toys, no holidays, no car. I sometimes fear, no wife, no friends and an entire family let down.
I hate the fear of suddenly being a failure and earning nothing overnight. It's one of my biggest insecurities. I didn't do school, I have no time for bosses or authority, and time keeping is a nono - who the hell would employ me?. I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WORK FOR MYSELF, and I have managed to build an excellent business as a result but it just scares me - what if it crumbles around me, how much of my life would go down with the business? That is my single biggest fear in life.
I guess it brings me back full circle to Sunday night, and that looming feeling of work in the morning. Work to me is not a requirement to pay a few bills, it's not as simple as 9 to 5. Work for me is the superglue which holds my life together, and I hate the fact that I have this untamed beast dictating my happiness. I feel free at the weekends, but come Monday morning I will be trapped again, fighting for my life.
I am alone with this dreaded feeling? Today I feel completely and utterly isolated.
Gary.