DISGUST
Do you ever stop and wonder what a life without the need to earn would be like? A life where you wake up in the morning, and your number one priority is spending as much time with those you hold closest? You and your family aspire to help people who need help, build bridges, make friends and quite simply, be good people. Your sole objective in life is to make the life of others better, which in turn, will make your own life better. Instead of aspiring to get rich financially, you really aspire to get rich emotionally and morally. I can honestly say, the more time I spend in this god forsaken rat race we call "work", the more I long for the life I have just described.
Why should I have to wake up every morning and worry about what bills are due? Why should I have to refuse my wife the attention and affection she deserves, becuase work demands so much mental energy that I have none left to spend elsewhere? Why should my family, my friends and my loved ones have to suffer in life, just because the disgusting war of "earning loads" is too hard to compete in? The whole system makes me sick to the stomach, and I hate myself for even playing this twisted game.
As I type this, I sit in an office, where the only reason for my being here is money. The only reason my wife is dealing with plonkers in the local social work office is money. The only reason my mum is depressed, living in a s***hole with no real escape route, is money. The only reason my little sister is close to loosing her flat, is money. The only reason scumbags mug old ladies in dark streets at night, is money. The only reason we have wars, is money. The only reason we have millions of starving children with aids ridden parents, is money. I am sick of the b******t, and I want my life to change. I am ashamed to be part of this disgusting, greedy and morally bankrupt society. I want to drop out of this vile, evil race, and focus on whats really important in life.
And I can't do it, I just can't. I am a selfish, money driven, materialistic ****er, and the sooner I grow up and realise it's all for nothing, the better. Fast cars, motorbikes, nice cameras, big houses, flat screen TV's, oversized fridge freezers filled with *****, hot tubs, hundreds of video games, boxes full of mundane, expensive, non important trash, taking up enough room to house 6 people, its just ****ing wrong, all of it.
I hate what I have become, and I hate what drives me forward. I miss my roots, I miss the people I grew up with, and I miss normality.
Today I feel angry, confused, lost and totally and utturly disgusted at myself.
Gary.
Excuse my spelling, I just don't care.