Man Rule's

wegotitugetit

wegotitugetit

On the hit list !!!
Messages
7,141
Name
alex
Edit My Images
Yes
EPIC !!!!!!!! MAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!
 
I like these. Lets think of some more

1. No you cannot have any of my chips. I asked if you wanted some chips before I bought them and you said no. That means you can't have any of mine. I would rather buy you a full portion and you only eat 5 than have any of mine
 
The dog is your dog, you wanted it. That means it's yours ALL THE TIME, not just when it's being cute and cuddly but also when it throws up, dumps on the carpet or decides to hump the sofa. Your dog, you deal with it.
 
Don't ask silly questions like...oh did that hurt...when I've just stabbed myself with a screwdriver. Stabbing myself is not a hobby and will always hurt.
 
pepi1967 said:
Don't ask silly questions like...oh did that hurt...when I've just stabbed myself with a screwdriver. Stabbing myself is not a hobby and will always hurt.
Click to expand...

Or say "What did you do that for?" as if I intended injuring myself :bang:
 
Men do not like shopping. We do not like being dragged around every shop in town to see if they have shoes that match a jacket you are thinking of buying.
 
Don't walk in and turn the tv over half way through a program and then say oh sorry was you watching that? If I'm facing the tv and ignoring you it stands a good chance that yes I'm watching it.
 
The child is your child, you wanted it. That means it's yours ALL THE TIME, not just when it's being cute and cuddly but also when it throws up, dumps on the carpet or decides to hump the sofa. Your child, you deal with it.
 
gm43uk said:
Men do not like shopping. We do not like being dragged around every shop in town to see if they have shoes that match a jacket you are thinking of buying.
Click to expand...

Or more to the point..... we don't like being dragged around the shops in an attempt for you to try and work out what you want to buy :LOL:

I just do not get the concept of "going" shopping when you don't have a rough idea of what you are going shopping for.........

These "rules" have been doing the rounds for years now, make me chuckle everytime I see them as they're so true!!!

They remind me of "Defending the Caveman" that Mark Little (Joe Mangle from Neighbours) toured the UK with 7 odd years ago. The basis of the "story" is that Men & Women still exhibit the traits they had during the "Hunter Gatherer" stage...... For example...

Man Shopping:

Man needs shirt
Man goes to shop
Man hunts shirt
Man pays for shirt
Man goes home

Fairly akin to when Man had to go hunting for food, which they mainly did alone.

Now when women used to go out gathering, they'd tend to go in groups, they would communicate with each other to share previous experiences of certain fruit/vegetation.

They would need to be very aware of the colour/texture of what they were selecting so as not to poison themselves.

Now...... transpose this to the scenario where a group of women go shopping together.... sharing their experiences of past trips, where the latest bargains are, feeling the material, comparing colours.........

The problem occurs when Men & Women go shopping together as their approach and expectations are completely different.

Obviously the concept is a little tongue in cheek but it's a very funny show :LOL:
 
nigpd said:
Very factual. This should be a sticky
Click to expand...

Good shout.....

On the topic of toilet seats, when my GF moved in with me she had a BIG problem with me leaving the seat up so I used the same argument as above with the addition of "You get gravity assistance dropping the seat down" :LOL:
 
I had the same problem with my other half regarding the loo seat up or down argument so I solved it for her. I took the loo seat off and through it away. :|
 
pepi1967 said:
I had the same problem with my other half regarding the loo seat up or down argument so I solved it for her. I took the loo seat off and through it away. :|
Click to expand...

Or if you really want to inflame the situation..... leave it down permenantly and don't wipe it when you've finished peeing :LOL::bonk:
 
Russ77 said:
Or if you really want to inflame the situation..... leave it down permenantly and don't wipe it when you've finished peeing :LOL::bonk:
Click to expand...

:D
 
I'm confused...
Man rules what?
 
gumbo-67 said:
nothing they just think they do because us women let them think they do:p
Click to expand...

The only rule that counts :

Women are always right.
You may think that you're right on occasion, but that's only because we sometimes allow you to keep your delusions (and it also comes in handy to have something to throw back at you for next time we have a row.)

ooops - Did I just say that out loud on the male thread?:p
 
1. if my mother offends you in any way.. or if something she does really annoys you so much, please feel free to tell her. Don't tell me to 'have a word' or keep reminding me my mother offended you for the next 15 years. I quite frankly couldn't give a monkeys.
 
Does my bum look big in this?
Click to expand...

Why narrow it down to that outfit? :cautious::thinking::shrug:
 
leftcurl said:
1. if my mother offends you in any way.. or if something she does really annoys you so much, please feel free to tell her. Don't tell me to 'have a word' or keep reminding me my mother offended you for the next 15 years. I quite frankly couldn't give a monkeys.
Click to expand...

Yes you could give a monkey's.....you're just scared of your mum :D
 
just because i have female freinds it does not mean I am sleeping with them, thinking about sleeping with them, intending to sleep with them or fantisising about sleeping with them

you don't think i'm having homosexual relations with any of my male freinds so whats the difference ?
 
big soft moose said:
just because i have female freinds it does not mean I am sleeping with them, thinking about sleeping with them, intending to sleep with them or fantisising about sleeping with them?
Click to expand...

See now I couldn't lie to my wife like that :LOL:
 
"I don't care" and " I don't mind" mean exactly the same thing - theres no need to get upset about the former if the latter is acceptable
 
pepi1967 said:
See now I couldn't lie to my wife like that :LOL:
Click to expand...

no gospel truth - never sleep with your freinds or your partners freinds (or your best mates girlfreind , but I digress :LOL: ) - it will only be really awkward next time your wife suggests you invite them and their partner round.
 
big soft moose said:
no gospel truth - never sleep with your freinds or your partners freinds (or your best mates girlfreind , but I digress :LOL: ) - it will only be really awkward next time your wife suggests you invite them and their partner round.
Click to expand...

Now that is a voice of experience I think :LOL:
 
Not with my current partner - but with the psycho hosebeast (ex) I may have wandered off the reservation once or twice - but then she was doing most of the rugby team behind my back (and probably the oposing side, the refrees, linesmen and random spectators) so fair exchange is no foul and all that
 
Last edited:
If we come in from a night out with the boys at 3am, paralytic , dont ask stupid questions like " have you been drinking ?"
 
stop talking to me when i'm in another room, forcing me to stop what i'm doing walk into the same room as you and ask you what you said for the hundredth time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top