Nuisance calls, from a 'friend'

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pocquet

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Jon
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Hi,

I understand that there was a tread a little while ago covering nuisance calls but this is a little bit different.

My Mom has a friend that calls her, allot. 2/3 times a day plus 3/4 emails a day. The phone calls if mom picks up can last for 3+ hours and if mom doesn't pick up her friend leaves stupid messages talking to the dogs for (no exaggeration) 15 mins. 10mins later she will call again and do the same thing.

Its driving my mom up the wall (and down into the dumps) but shes not sure what to do about it. Shes tried ignoring the calls, controlling the calls etc. To no avail.

The friend in question does have some unfortunate (but self made) circumstances, she has no social life to talk about and is living her life through my moms via phones and emails.

Note my mom has never met this person face to face, they met via some charity work over facebook or something like that, however they have know each other for a number of years.

Needless to say it is driving mom mad. She cant unplug the phone as she leaves messages on BT answer service, she cant let it ring as she talks on the answer phone which is sent to its quietest but is still very loud. She cant block the number as the lady will email and get a new mobile number right away (we tried this).

Mom has tried to talk to her and make her understand how maddening she is being, even having very terse conversations with her but still the 'stalking' continues.

Can anyone think of something we can do to stop this lady calling my mom (pref forever in my eyes) as it is taking over her life and by proxy a part of mine also.

Thanks

Jon
 
Agree with Neil, also turn off the answering machine for now so it just rings and rings and dont answer it. Maybe your Mum could change email addresses as well. It means updating a few other people/ companies of the change etc but might be worth it. Also maybe your mum could get her landline number changed and again update those people she needs to. And go ex directory if she does of course.
Goes without saying if she does do this, dont post the new information on facebook!
 
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I agree with Neil, My mom is to caring(stupid?) for a court order etc. I am going to pop over and see if I can fiddle with the answer machine. No hassle in simple ignoring the ladys emails, she already does for the most part. I did think about the change of number route but not suggested it to mom yet.
 
pocquet said:
I agree with Neil, My mom is to caring(stupid?) for a court order etc. I am going to pop over and see if I can fiddle with the answer machine. No hassle in simple ignoring the ladys emails, she already does for the most part. I did think about the change of number route but not suggested it to mom yet.
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label her emails as spam...it might help a little
 
Not listened to that (as at work) but they have already taken this lady away... her son can visit and gave her a mobile that give free landline calls :(
 
Set your mum's email up so that all those emails from that friend are automatically deleted. Then you'll only have the phone calls to consider. I'd get this person's number and ring them yourself and tell them they are only allowed to ring up once a week for 30 minutes or you will have to inform the police as this is harassment.

There's also the trucall box which is for nuisance callers. http://www.truecall.co.uk/call-blocker.aspx
 
can you block her number, or in the very first instance has your mum tried saying anything to her about how its makes your Mum feel?
 
It's not stalking, but it is harassment.
Have you tried talking to her yourself to get the message across?
Sounds like this woman might have some mental health issues, but that's hardly your mum's problem.
I hope you find a way to sort it for your mum.
 
viv1969 said:
It's not stalking, but it is harassment.
Have you tried talking to her yourself to get the message across?
Sounds like this woman might have some mental health issues, but that's hardly your mum's problem.
I hope you find a way to sort it for your mum.
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I have spoken to the lady before, I have expressed disapproval but other than blatantly saying 'leave us alone' there has been no reaction or reduction.
 
Can she have her number changed? I remember years ago a friend's mother was receiving nasty anonymous calls and had her number changed. They got a private number, that doesn't get into the phone book. I think they had to pay a little for the change but it was worth it, the calls stopped. Only give the new number to close friends.
 
Selective number blocking sounds a good "call". Even if you do it without your mums knowledge.

p.s you might want to change title from "Nuance" to "Nuisance"
 
DorsetDude said:
Selective number blocking sounds a good "call". Even if you do it without your mums knowledge.
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Selective number is a good idea, however we are concerned she will just get another mobile, think this is worth a punt though and see what happens. Would this just be a call to BT?
 
pocquet said:
Selective number is a good idea, however we are concerned she will just get another mobile, think this is worth a punt though and see what happens.
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If so just add that number to the blocked list. Simples.
 
Truecall unit will eliminate the calls. I think that Viv is right about there being a mental health issue. I respectfully suggest that if your mum permits herself to be held on on the telephone for 3 hours plus at a time then she really cannot begin to deal with this on her own.

Truecall unit will allow the pest to receive a message saying that her calls will not be taken OR she will always get the engaged tone OR always get the number unobtainable tone - whichever you choose. Your mum's phone will not ring when the pest calls. You can keep a check online to see how often and when the pest tries to make contact.
 
Just guessing but as 'mom' is being troubled this is occurring in the US, so solutions for the UK may not work?
 
answer machines, email solutions, blocking or making silly noises.... these are all plasters on a break.... you need to tell this women straight.. not try to talk to her about it.. just tell her straight.. do not phone or email again.... seems to me this has not even been tried looking at the thread... tell her straight. she has not to contact your mum ever again and the relationship is over...

that is the only way.
 
KIPAX said:
answer machines, email solutions, blocking or making silly noises.... these are all plasters on a break.... you need to tell this women straight.. not try to talk to her about it.. just tell her straight.. do not phone or email again.... seems to me this has not even been tried looking at the thread... tell her straight. she has not to contact your mum ever again and the relationship is over...

that is the only way.
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If it is a loony ringing I don't think it is frankly. Worth a go though definitely.
 
gramps said:
Just guessing but as 'mom' is being troubled this is occurring in the US, so solutions for the UK may not work?
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The OP has mentioned BT though.
 
DorsetDude said:
If it is a loony ringing I don't think it is frankly. Worth a go though definitely.
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seems to me its a lonely person ...ultra lonely.. and they ahve tried telling her... but time for the old "got to be cruel to be kind" approach
 
KIPAX said:
seems to me its a lonely person ...ultra lonely.. and they ahve tried telling her... but time for the old "got to be cruel to be kind" approach
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Or just cruel to be cruel...works for me :D
 
CallBlocker, like the Trucall box it will block any number you want with a single button press or program it in. As said above set email to delete all incoming mail from the person if needed.
 
Steep said:
CallBlocker, like the Trucall box it will block any number you want with a single button press or program it in. As said above set email to delete all incoming mail from the person if needed.
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better to stop them doing it than to try and block them..
 
True but Jon's mother doesn't seem to have had much luck with that approach.
 
pocquet said:
Not listened to that (as at work) but they have already taken this lady away... her son can visit and gave her a mobile that give free landline calls :(
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May I ask a question ?

We all seem to be taking this as just a set of very annoying nuisance calls and emails. However the above "they have already taken this lady away " seems to indicate that the lady is actually in care - hospital or care home .

If this is so can the staff take the phone away from her under some pretext and delete the OPs mother's phone number and delete it also from the history ?
 
Steep said:
True but Jon's mother doesn't seem to have had much luck with that approach.
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tried talking to her and telling her flat out are two different things.. the OP says they tried the first.. I am suggesting try the latter :)
 
pocquet said:
Not listened to that (as at work) but they have already taken this lady away... her son can visit and gave her a mobile that give free landline calls :(
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If the lady is in some form of institution, mental or otherwise, inform the staff of what is going on, give them a chance to sort it out but inform them the next step would be the police.
 
BT offer certain number blocking - its called "choose to refuse" and costs an additional £4.15 per month (although that said if you tell them a heart wrenching tale about your elederly mother etc they may include it free or discounted)

see here http://bt.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/8500/~/all-about-choose-to-refuse

You might also want to have a general chat with mom about not giving her number out to people she doesnt know ... theres an unfortunately high weirdo quotient out there
 
I had similar years and years ago, I got in touch with BT and after showing them dates & times and telling them the distress it caused they started monitoring all incoming calls for about a month, eventually when my number was called someone from BT would answer the call explaining who they were and ask the caller to identify themself, they would then phone me and ask if I wanted to speak to the person. The calls soon stopped. You really should get in touch with your phone provider, they might even change your number. I've tried being very rude, putting phone near speakers and turn them up full blast. It doesn't really work and it just gets you more uptight. This was all over 20 years ago, I'm sure they have better technology these days to sort this kind of thing.
 
KIPAX said:
answer machines, email solutions, blocking or making silly noises.... these are all plasters on a break.... you need to tell this women straight.. not try to talk to her about it.. just tell her straight.. do not phone or email again.... seems to me this has not even been tried looking at the thread... tell her straight. she has not to contact your mum ever again and the relationship is over...

that is the only way.
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Thats not a bad idea per se - but when she takes no notice , because she doesnt have all her paddles in the water then what do you do ?

Doollaly old women are difficult - if this was a young male stalker it would be easily handled by a robust talking too (the kind that involves him hitting you in the fist repeatedly with his face) , but that isnt going to be an option here ... so when jon tells her to pack it the f*** in and she ignores him, he'll be back to where he is now.

And if she's not the full picnic even restraining orders and cease and desist letters etc may not make a tangible difference
 
big soft moose said:
Thats not a bad idea per se - but when she takes no notice , because she doesnt have all her paddles in the water then what do you do ?

Doollaly old women are difficult - if this was a young male stalker it would be easily handled by a robust talking too (the kind that involves him hitting you in the fist repeatedly with his face) , but that isnt going to be an option here ... so when jon tells her to pack it the f*** in and she ignores him, he'll be back to where he is now.

And if she's not the full picnic even restraining orders and cease and desist letters etc may not make a tangible difference
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I seriously hope this is a joke and you aren't suggesting that if this had been other then an old woman violence would solve the problem.
Mind you with your supposed history of being stalked around the internet no doubt you are the expert on the subject !

To the OP I would truly suggest you get onto you mum's phone provider, explain the situation and see if they can change her number
to a new ex directory one, I've had BT be very helpful on that in the past and no charge was made
 
Hi Guys,

Thanks for the above posts, I wont spam the quote button but I have taken them all on board :)

I think we are going to try and go with a number blocker (recommendations?) with a view of unblocking the number when Mom is happy to talk to her (bonkers to me but that's what she wants) at least this way mom will have some control.

The lady in question lives in residential care now, not for (proven) mental heath issues, but shes missing a few spanners.

Shes not a random loony off the net, moms known her for about 10 or so years and she has been stable, odd email a week, rare calls.

Last 6 months it escalated into a couple of calls a day to most recently 3+ hour conversations. Or a call every 10mins with a long answer machine message left.

I don't want to add details of reasons why she was moved into residential care for obvious reasons.

When she was moved she had no phone or no internet, so it died down, she is allowed a mobile etc at her own costs. Hence why the calls dipped then took back up.

I am going to look at call blockers for her today and see if there is an easy to use one for her.

Thanks for the info/support really useful :)

DorsetDude said:
Confucius he say man with mosquito on testicles realise violence not solution to all problems
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This made my day :)
 
DorsetDude said:
Confucius he say man with mosquito on testicles realise violence not solution to all problems
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Confusicus also say man who try to blame itchy testicles on mosquitos .... he been to phuket ... next time bangkok instead ;)
 
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