Thanks Ruth and for a Friday here's a funny one - normal picture/poem combo of me and the bro
It made me smile - I hope it works for you!
Maximus the Moaner
There once was a critical Roman
Whose verbal attacks were unique,
A legendary figure, a showman -
It's Maximus of whom I speak.
Whatever place Maximus sat in,
Wherever he marched to as well,
He slated the Empire in Latin,
A list of his pet hates he'd tell.
The legion, he could overwhelm it
Till colleagues got totally bored,
He wasn't too pleased with his helmet
As well as the size of his sword.
Then one day there came some new orders,
When Hadrian, back home from Gaul
Announced Rome was blocking it's borders
And Britain was getting a wall.
Poor Maximus wasn't contented
For building just wasn't his scene,
He got drunk and never relented,
Demented, he vented his spleen.
He bitched on the ship going over,
Resulting in plenty of tiffs
And when it dropped anchor at Dover
He criticised all the white cliffs.
The Roman roads went on forever,
He didn't like those or the Brits
Or any of England's bad weather,
The rain and cold got on his tits.
En route to his northern location
How Maximus sniped on that path,
He poured scorn on each destination
From Londinium on to Bath.
Arriving, he gave a big lecture
About the poor state of the site,
He slated the wall's architecture
And stated the bricks weren't quite right.
Without any justified reason
He knocked the great Emperor too
And when he got dragged off for treason
Old Maximus turned the air blue.
His sentence was harsh and so awful,
For Maximus pain was to come -
As punishment for words unlawful
A gladiator he'd become.
At last thronging crowds he could see 'em,
He strolled out with trident and net,
They clapped at the vast Colosseum
In hope that a good show they'd get.
A tiger appeared looking fearful,
Yet on hearing Maximus moan
It couldn't stand one further earful
And luckily left him alone.
Forgiven for his misdemeanour
He got the thumbs up but still whined -
As he left the cheering arena
He said it was poorly designed.
He popped his clogs when he was eighty,
Olympus now got his abuse,
When Maximus met the chief deity
He slagged off the whole place to Zeus.