- Messages
- 2,010
- Edit My Images
- Yes
''You're moving faster than a spastic in a magnet factory''
"I've come at this from more angles than Linda Lovelace"
"He's got fingers in more pies than a leper on a cookery course"
"I'm not a religious man Mr Warren - but isn't there something in the Bible that says, thou shalt not suck off rent boys?"
"She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot"
Gene Hunt: Steven Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand? A poof! A fairy! A queer! A queen! Fudge packer! Uphill Gardener! Fruit picking sodomite!
Sam Tyler: He's gay?
Gene Hunt: As a bloody Christmas Tree! Mind you, he is a little touchy on the subject, being a twisted Catholic with an elderly mother and all, so I wouldn't go mentioning it to him...
"Anything 'appens to this motor and I come over your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids."
Sam Tyler: This place is like Guantanamo Bay.
Gene Hunt: Keep off, it's nothing like Spain.
Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!"
"You great soft, sissy, girlie, nancy, french, bender, Man United supporting puff!"
"Gene Hunt: Now. Yesterday's shooting. The dealers are all so scared we're more likely to get Helen Keller to talk. The Paki in a coma's about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman, all in all this investigation's going at the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory.
(Sam Tyler, aghast, drops the radio he is holding.)
Gene Hunt: What?
Sam Tyler: Think you might have missed out the Jews
Gene Hunt: What?
Sam Tyler: I think we need to explore whether this attempted murder was a hate crime.
Gene Hunt: What as opposed to one of those I-really-really-like-you sort of murders?
Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.
Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?
Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
[Before an undercover sting operation, Annie is equipped with a gun]
Annie Cartwright: I haven't received any firearms training. That's not right...
Gene Hunt: [Exasperated] Y'see, this is why birds and CID don't mix. Give a bloke a gun, it's a dream come true. Give a girl one, and she moans it doesn't go with her dress! Now start behaving like a detective and show some balls.
Annie Cartwright: Thanks for being so sympathetic, sir. Let's hope you don't end up in my firing line. [Annie storms out]
Gene Hunt: [Slightly alarmed] Did she just threaten to shoot me?!
Superintendent Harry Wolfe: Got a very bright future ahead of her, that lass
Annie Cartwright: Boss, there's a viscous yellow liquid in his ear....
Gene Hunt: No, that's the drip from my fried egg butty, love. Well done Miss Marple, that's why we need women detectives...
Gene Hunt: Drugs eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke.
Gene referring to something that's not quite right:- "It's as fake as a tranny's fanny!"
Gene Hunt, a Policing God: 'Is it serious?' 'Well he's dead, so it's quite serious'
The Camberwick Green scene:
Hullo DI Tyler! (a puppet Sam waves to the camera)
How are you feeling? (Puppet Sam puts his head in his hands).
Is it DCI Hunt? (Puppet Sam nods his head).
Is he kicking in a Nonce? (Puppet Sam points off camera).
Cut to a Puppet Gene Hunt kicking the ****e out of a Puppet Nonce.
Hullo DCI Hunt (Puppet Gene drops Puppet nonce in the gutter and waves to the camera - before putting the boot into the Puppet Nonce...)
Gene Hunt: Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keanes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene Hunt: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene Hunt: [Slightly nonplussed] She's a pain in the arse.
[They arrive outside the lost property office]
Sam Tyler: What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Chris Skelton: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam Tyler: Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Gene Hunt: Thick walls
[To Phyllis Dobbs, custody sergeant, talking about a witness that he's just brought in]
Sam Tyler: He's a key witness. So could you treat him like a person, Phyllis. D'you remember "people"? You used to be one!
Gene and Sam need to get a pub landlord out of the way so that they can go undercover]
Gene Hunt: Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms
Ray Carling:What for?
Gene Hunt: Think of something on the way
Later]
Gene Hunt: In a bizarre twist of fate the landlord was arrested this afternoon.... on suspicion of Cattle Rustling
Sam Tyler: We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us.
Gene Hunt: Fair enough.
Sam Tyler: Call it the doughnut.
Gene Hunt: Jam or custard?
Sam Tyler: Now you're just being silly.
Gene Hunt: I'm not the one calling it a doughnut
"I've come at this from more angles than Linda Lovelace"
"He's got fingers in more pies than a leper on a cookery course"
"I'm not a religious man Mr Warren - but isn't there something in the Bible that says, thou shalt not suck off rent boys?"
"She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot"
Gene Hunt: Steven Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand? A poof! A fairy! A queer! A queen! Fudge packer! Uphill Gardener! Fruit picking sodomite!
Sam Tyler: He's gay?
Gene Hunt: As a bloody Christmas Tree! Mind you, he is a little touchy on the subject, being a twisted Catholic with an elderly mother and all, so I wouldn't go mentioning it to him...
"Anything 'appens to this motor and I come over your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids."
Sam Tyler: This place is like Guantanamo Bay.
Gene Hunt: Keep off, it's nothing like Spain.
Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!"
"You great soft, sissy, girlie, nancy, french, bender, Man United supporting puff!"
"Gene Hunt: Now. Yesterday's shooting. The dealers are all so scared we're more likely to get Helen Keller to talk. The Paki in a coma's about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman, all in all this investigation's going at the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory.
(Sam Tyler, aghast, drops the radio he is holding.)
Gene Hunt: What?
Sam Tyler: Think you might have missed out the Jews
Gene Hunt: What?
Sam Tyler: I think we need to explore whether this attempted murder was a hate crime.
Gene Hunt: What as opposed to one of those I-really-really-like-you sort of murders?
Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.
Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?
Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
[Before an undercover sting operation, Annie is equipped with a gun]
Annie Cartwright: I haven't received any firearms training. That's not right...
Gene Hunt: [Exasperated] Y'see, this is why birds and CID don't mix. Give a bloke a gun, it's a dream come true. Give a girl one, and she moans it doesn't go with her dress! Now start behaving like a detective and show some balls.
Annie Cartwright: Thanks for being so sympathetic, sir. Let's hope you don't end up in my firing line. [Annie storms out]
Gene Hunt: [Slightly alarmed] Did she just threaten to shoot me?!
Superintendent Harry Wolfe: Got a very bright future ahead of her, that lass
Annie Cartwright: Boss, there's a viscous yellow liquid in his ear....
Gene Hunt: No, that's the drip from my fried egg butty, love. Well done Miss Marple, that's why we need women detectives...
Gene Hunt: Drugs eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke.
Gene referring to something that's not quite right:- "It's as fake as a tranny's fanny!"
Gene Hunt, a Policing God: 'Is it serious?' 'Well he's dead, so it's quite serious'
The Camberwick Green scene:
Hullo DI Tyler! (a puppet Sam waves to the camera)
How are you feeling? (Puppet Sam puts his head in his hands).
Is it DCI Hunt? (Puppet Sam nods his head).
Is he kicking in a Nonce? (Puppet Sam points off camera).
Cut to a Puppet Gene Hunt kicking the ****e out of a Puppet Nonce.
Hullo DCI Hunt (Puppet Gene drops Puppet nonce in the gutter and waves to the camera - before putting the boot into the Puppet Nonce...)
Gene Hunt: Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keanes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene Hunt: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene Hunt: [Slightly nonplussed] She's a pain in the arse.
[They arrive outside the lost property office]
Sam Tyler: What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Chris Skelton: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam Tyler: Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Gene Hunt: Thick walls
[To Phyllis Dobbs, custody sergeant, talking about a witness that he's just brought in]
Sam Tyler: He's a key witness. So could you treat him like a person, Phyllis. D'you remember "people"? You used to be one!
Gene and Sam need to get a pub landlord out of the way so that they can go undercover]
Gene Hunt: Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms
Ray Carling:What for?
Gene Hunt: Think of something on the way
Later]
Gene Hunt: In a bizarre twist of fate the landlord was arrested this afternoon.... on suspicion of Cattle Rustling
Sam Tyler: We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us.
Gene Hunt: Fair enough.
Sam Tyler: Call it the doughnut.
Gene Hunt: Jam or custard?
Sam Tyler: Now you're just being silly.
Gene Hunt: I'm not the one calling it a doughnut
