Monday funny

[daveyuk]

Think this has been around before but just in case

Commentators
Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1s eclipse coverage remarked: “They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s come in his shorts.”

Here is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunnesson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it himself.”

Ulrika Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when she revealed: “I had a good eight inches last night.”

Lorraine Kelly on GMTV: “This year’s hairstyle is called a shag and our resident stylist is here to give our model one.”

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’ misses every chance he gets.”

Richard Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on Countdown: “An, ‘erection’ let’s see it up please Carol.

David Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt, said to expert Nigel Smith: “You’re a bit of a knockers man.”

“Yes” he replied. “I’ve come across quite a few in my time.”

Here is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: “She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night.”

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: “Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg.”

Beatrice Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in Baghdad when she informed TVam viewers: “Just after the liberation, I was getting it twice a day in my hotel room.”

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: “With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off.”

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: “What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?”

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69.”

Steve Cram covering the men’s 200 metres at the World Athletics Championships: “Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic champion inside him.”

Chain Letters Host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant called Richard when he told two women competitors: “That’s enough Dick for both of you.”

Expert David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: “This is the most magical, wonderful knob I have ever seen.”

BEST TILL LAST

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: “You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”

 

[nilagin]

There was another Cricket commentary
"The batsman's Holding the bowler's Willey."

 

[minimeeze]

Soooo funny

 

[Marcel]

And thats why I would be no good as a TV presenter, I have such a smutty mind and a problem with the giggles.