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A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived happily
ever after in London.
However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did
manage to communicate with her Husband. The real problem arose
whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy Chicken legs.
She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation,
Clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The
butcher got the message, and gave her the Chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't
know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned
her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a
way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down)
-
-
-
-
-
- What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
Now get back to work...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they are THE seven dwarfs,
they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the seven dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with a glare.
Dopey turns back and says, "Mr Pope!
Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling and laughing,
pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks
as they begin their chanting...
"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A college class was told that they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The Instructions wer the short story had to contain the following 3 things:
1. Religion 2. Sexuality 3. Mystery
Bewlo is the only A+ short story in the whole class.
"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock. Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Other Latin American countries are sending supplies. The European community (except France) is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.
God Bless America!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWO SISTERS
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599 - no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive it here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly........ Com-for-DA-bull".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom
loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell
into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the
chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at
the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but
to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only
tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new
Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off
with a length of rope hoping he still had time to
save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy,
to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he
managed to get a hold of the loop of&n bsp; rope the chicken
tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the
farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward
and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the
horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to
the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when
he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented:
Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit,
and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the
horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled
the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his
hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the
pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him
up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a
moral!)
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A
Harley To Pick Up Chicks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered it in the race again, and it won again. The
local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey
in another race. The next day, the local paper
headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the
pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided
to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local
paper, hearing of the news, posted the following
headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she
would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it
to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. The next day the headlines
read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is....being concerned about
public opinion can bring you much grief and
misery...and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life...
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll
be a lot happier and live longer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAVE A NICE DAY!!
ever after in London.
However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did
manage to communicate with her Husband. The real problem arose
whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy Chicken legs.
She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation,
Clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The
butcher got the message, and gave her the Chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't
know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned
her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a
way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down)
-
-
-
-
-
- What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
Now get back to work...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they are THE seven dwarfs,
they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the seven dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with a glare.
Dopey turns back and says, "Mr Pope!
Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling and laughing,
pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks
as they begin their chanting...
"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A college class was told that they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The Instructions wer the short story had to contain the following 3 things:
1. Religion 2. Sexuality 3. Mystery
Bewlo is the only A+ short story in the whole class.
"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock. Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Other Latin American countries are sending supplies. The European community (except France) is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.
God Bless America!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWO SISTERS
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599 - no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive it here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly........ Com-for-DA-bull".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom
loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell
into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the
chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at
the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but
to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only
tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new
Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off
with a length of rope hoping he still had time to
save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy,
to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he
managed to get a hold of the loop of&n bsp; rope the chicken
tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the
farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward
and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the
horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to
the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when
he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented:
Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit,
and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the
horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled
the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his
hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the
pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him
up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a
moral!)
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A
Harley To Pick Up Chicks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered it in the race again, and it won again. The
local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey
in another race. The next day, the local paper
headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the
pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided
to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local
paper, hearing of the news, posted the following
headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she
would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it
to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. The next day the headlines
read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is....being concerned about
public opinion can bring you much grief and
misery...and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life...
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll
be a lot happier and live longer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAVE A NICE DAY!!
