Your most embarrasing moment

wack61

wack61

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This is mine, I can't drive past the sign for Hope Hospital on the M602 without feeling embarrassed

A few years back I was at a computer fair when I felt very dizzy, couldn't stand up, started throwing up, an ambulance was called and I was taken to hospital.

They thought I was really i'll and put me in a room on my own which was huge with 8 empty beds in it.

after a few minutes my bowels decided they wanted to empty so I started trying to walk to the door but I could barely stand up, at that point a nurse came in and asked where I was going.

I told her but she said we can't allow that, i'll bring a commode :eek:

The nurse wheeled this thing in that looked like something from the 1950s with a cardboard pan.

I sat on it and THHHUUUUURRRRPPPPP everything from my neck down emptied out, it was the biggest poo i'd ever done in my life, there was no lock on the door which was straight out on to the main corridor, I was terrified someone would come in.

I cleaned myself up which isn't easy when you can't stand up without falling over and got back in bed, the commode didn't have a lid on it so sat in the middle of the room is the biggest pile of **** i've ever seen in my life and it stunk the room out.

I laid on the bed with my eyes shut , the door opened, I couldn't open my eyes through shame so I just laid there listening to the squeak of the wheels as my super dump got wheeled away.

It was vertigo I had, however much money nurses get it's not enough
 
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I'm not gunna lie to you, that is the funniest thing i've ever read.
Hope that doesnt come across the wrong way
 
Mine is fairly similar. I was on the night shift at Gatwick and hadn't been feeling that great all night. I was on an aircraft and suddenly got that cold sweat feeling which only comes with an urgent need for the loo.

Seeing as the cleaners had already finished I decided to jump in my van and make a dash for the nearest lav.

I made it by the skin of my teeth and the feeling of relief was oh so great. Then all of a sudden my mouth started watering and I knew I was going to throw up.

I jumped up off the throne to point my face down the pan (Not a pretty sight) and puked up, but in the process of doing this the other end let go again with a thunderous explosion with no time to react. Thats right I had just redecorated the cubicle.

Not feeling to great and needing to get back I decided that I was unable to even attempt clearing that lot up with nothing more than that loo roll that is like grease proof paper, it was everywhere. So I did the decent thing and done a runner.

I then made my way back to the office and shower room having to divert to most of the loos on the way with no idea where it was all coming from and which end it was going to come out of.

I had a shower and a change of uniform and decided that I needed to go home sick.

Whats embarrasing about this is the fact that once I had finished in the shower I realised that I had left my mobile phone and wallet on the toilet roll dispenser of the original cubicle, there was no way I was going to get all the way back there again with out needing more loo breaks so I called up one of the guys on the radio and asked if they minded popping into the loo to check.

A few minutes later the radio burst into life with a ***** Me, was that you, you dirty *******.

Still I got my phone back and now some 10 years or so later, the lads remind me of the time I got that stomach bug on a regular basis..
 
my most embarresing moment was far too embarresing to repeat here....:)

Do you tell that story in the pub darren ? :)
 
Gareth S said:
I'm not gunna lie to you, that is the funniest thing i've ever read.
Hope that doesnt come across the wrong way
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It's funny 5 years on :D

KIPAX said:
my most embarresing moment was far too embarresing to repeat here....:)

Do you tell that story in the pub darren ? :)
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It's been know for me to tell it depending on the amount of beer consumed :D
 
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I was a day release student at Stafford Art College many years go when I was asked to go to the basement annexe to get some keys from the teacher there. On arrival, I knocked and a voice boomed "Come In". On entering I saw a group of full time students all sat around a sprawled naked female model, who also happened to be one of the full time students.

My face must have been a study because all eyes were on me and the teacher shouted "What's the matter lad -haven't you seen a naked woman before?"

I've thought many times since of all sorts of cool answers I should have given...

"Not since last night"
"More than you've had hot dinners"

Sadly though - the answer I actually stammered out was "I'm only fifteen!" :help:

Probably not my most embarrassing moment, but one I'll never forget. :LOL:
 
my friends most embarrassing moment.

at a friends wedding he **** himself whilst on his way to the toilet, he was wearing white trousers, he disposed of his under-crackers in a skip outside the venue (for some reason the bin in the gents wasnt suitable...) and headed home to get a change of trousers.... he told me and his wife what had happened and where he was going, hoping that we wouldn't tell anyone and he could return unembarrassed for the rest of the reception..... we comfortably told EVERYONE we knew at the wedding and so when he returned all eyes were on him....

arent we evil!

he still gets embarrassed about the 'poo bar incident'...
 
Another Hospital one

I had come out from a minor operation in the afternoon but did not wake up till 3am,I had a oxygen mask on and felt like sh#te.
After a while I wanted to have a pee, I stood it for an hour then pressed my little buzzer.
A girl of about 17 (though she looked 14) came and brought me a bottle.

Well,I don't know if anyone else has tried having a pee while led in bed ,but I could not do it.
with great difficulty I managed to get out of bed but my monitor on my finger came off ,and she came running back thinking I had past away......:eek:
She saw me stood there and I explained I could not do it led down,
She then stuck the monitor on Her finger and said go ahead.

Well, it took me at least ten minuets to get going with Her stood there,
And I must have been VERY red faced :confused:
Bet She had a laugh next hand over,all the nurses coming past had a smile on there faces.....:D
 
:rules:
whitewash said:
my friends most embarrassing moment.

at a friends wedding he **** himself whilst on his way to the toilet, he was wearing white trousers, he disposed of his under-crackers in a skip outside the venue (for some reason the bin in the gents wasnt suitable...) and headed home to get a change of trousers.... he told me and his wife what had happened and where he was going, hoping that we wouldn't tell anyone and he could return unembarrassed for the rest of the reception..... we comfortably told EVERYONE we knew at the wedding and so when he returned all eyes were on him....

arent we evil!

he still gets embarrassed about the 'poo bar incident'...
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You are as bad as my nurse................
 
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I helped a good friend move house a few years ago,we were just about done but he'd forgotten the dogs water bowl,he rushed back in to get and came out with it walking about as quick as a tortoise got in the van and said your gonna have to drive steady,still give him stick to this day.Classic.
 
brothers wedding, shared a 2ltr bottle of red wine with my other brother, quite ****ed after the meal, slipped behind a tree for a wazz..started and couldn't stop when i heard screams really close to me..

Looked down and there was my (at the time) girlfriends mum straddling the best man dress hitched up, t*ts hanging out and all...i just couldn't stop laughing but carried on wee'ing...

Still cracks me up thinking about it
 
I've been wracking my brains to think of my most embarrassing moment. Except nothing I can think of as I deem embarrassing. I did fall over in Colchester high street though. And anyone who knows Colchester high street knows its a busy high street. I lost my footing on an uneven paving slab, and it was one of those where you go down, but you try and keep yourself up - I must have travelled a good 5 or so metres before I just went face down on the pavement. I did however manage to keep hold of a easter egg I just bought too. All I heard from the surrounding people was 'ooooooo'. :LOL:
 
Do you all mind, all this talk of C**P, Iv'e just had my dinner !!
 
Hmmm . . . an incident involving a night out . . . a little black dress worn with no bra underneath . . . and a dash across a busy road to flag down a taxi.

Something popped out that shouldn't have :confused::

And to make matters worse, after giving the taxi driver an eyeful I was too embarrassed to get into the car . . . I pretended that I hadn't been running for a taxi after all, sheepishly walked around the corner and had to wait another 45 minutes for another taxi to turn up.
 
SarahLee said:
Hmmm . . . an incident involving a night out . . . a little black dress worn with no bra underneath . . . and a dash across a busy road to flag down a taxi.

Something popped out that shouldn't have :confused::

And to make matters worse, after giving the taxi driver an eyeful I was too embarrassed to get into the car . . . I pretended that I hadn't been running for a taxi after all, sheepishly walked around the corner and had to wait another 45 minutes for another taxi to turn up.
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i was a taxi driver for 12 yrs.
its suprising how many "wardrobe malfunctions" ive seen
the worst one being an old chap with his erm, old chap, hanging out.
 
Whilst working as a contractor, it fell one year that I was away from home, in Toulouse, for new years eve.

Several of us went out for an evening meal and a lot of alcohol. Basically I got very, very drunk as I was pretty miserable being away from the wife at that time of year.

I crawled into my bed at the hotel at some time around 3am. Room spinning, heavy breathing trying to control myself. I was in a kind of half sleep, probably no more then 30 or 40 minutes later, when something just didn't feel quite right. Dragging myself into semi consciousness I realised I had poo'd and wee'd the bed and also been sick everywhere.

Feeling pretty sorry for myself I thought the best thing to do would be to ring the wife. She was mad. Very mad. and tired. and mad. This was around 3.30 am, UK time, new years day. Her advice to me was priceless. Don't worry about it, sort it later when you're sober. Night. Phone slammed down. I think I must have misunderstood the message. I went back to sleep. In all the poo, wee and sick.

Sometime later I woke up, feeling lousy, to find myself enveloped in a poo-ey crust. My bedroom was a state. It stank. Linen ruined. oh oh. First things first, clean myself up. To the bathroom. Which was wrecked. Basin hanging off the wall, shower rail removed from it's fixings, carnage. Bloody hell, how much did I drink????

New years day was spent laundering all the linens, towels etc. The next few evenings I gradually rebuilt the room. This was a 'apart-hotel' basically an apartment only serviced once a week. So I had a few days until any staff would visit and find anything amiss. But I could not get rid of the smell. So I bought loads of air freshners and did the decent thing. Checked out the day before the cleaners where due, never to return.
 
Once had a woman jump into my bomber (taxi) 6-30 am in a dressing gown and shouted "Hospital quick"There was a lot of thrashing about in the back,but it being winter I could just make out a lot of movement. Thinking she was about to give birth I broke the speed barrier that day.
Got there and she jumped out dressed as a nurse,"Ta love ,late for work"

Bl#ddy relieved was I that day..............:LOL::LOL:
Not had any Sarah's make a boob before me though!!!!!!!!:D:D:p
 
Getting caught masturbating by my mum brings back memories
 
u8myufo said:
Getting caught masturbating by my mum brings back memories
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Not had the misfortune of that happening yet! One of my mates might have crept up on me though :whistle:
 
Needed the loo since getting on the M25 from the M1 on my way to a hotel in the docklands, decided I could wait so skipped the services and managed to get checked in to the hotel. Got to the room and really needed to go by this time, I found the light switch but nothing worked, found the bathroom slammed the door open found the sink, found the shower but not toilet. Back out the bathroom trying any other doors cupboards everywhere no toilet. I really need to go at this point and was really contemplating the sink but decided against it and took a dump in the shower tray no problem well until I came to getting shut of everything I tried the shower on the massage with the jets and it broke up most of it and it went down the plug hole. I left the rest and asked for another room.

At the time it was a new concept that you needed to put your room key card in a slot to make the lights and everything work, the bathroom was designed that the main door opened and doubled up as the door for the toilet so slamming the door open hid the toilet.

The excuse for changing rooms the smell and the shower wasn't clean.
 
Not my embarrasing moment but that of an unknown young lady. Before we were married or had a place of our own, when my wife and I fancied a bit of nookie after a night out, we made use of the back seat of the car in a country park car park. This car park had hedges every few yards so giving a bit of privacy to us and other like minded people. However at this particular time just down the road gypsies had just set up camp and the kids used to sneak about in the car park, obviously in the hope of seeing some naked flesh etc. So if movement was seen outside of cars people would flash their lights and the kids would scarper. This particular night, I saw movement outside the front of my car, I leant over my seat and pulled on my high beam headlights. I lit up our section of the car park and a young lady, standing directly in front of my car, she had her skirt pulled up round her waist, no knickers, legs slightly bent taking a pee. Poor woman was obviously too embarrased to take a wee in front of her boyfriend and had ventured onto our side of the hedge in hope of some privacy. She looked totally stunned and startled like a scared rabbit caught in a cars headlights, she stood there frozen momentarily having to finish her wee then ran off back to her car the otherside of the hedge.
 
Well some of these make mine look small or mild.
I was about 20 - 21 at the time and had some mates who were on crack, literally but we used to do down hill mountain biking, was mega fun but really dangerous.
I refused to take drugs but they did to give them energy for the tougher hills, half way through our ride one of them stops and starts handing out the drinks while i nip to the loo's (tree's).
I come back and they are all smiling like some thing ive done, i take my drink and off we go down this hillside, i know that towards the bottom there is a 18+ ft gap with an easy ft drop to the next side. Well i pelts it down, jumps the gap and goes to break before the gate. Brakes fail and i end up in it.
Im flat on my back with a man tent going on when the ambulance crew turns up and theres a rather nice female paramedic, i just went red and could not talk.
Gets to the hospital and same problem with female nurses walking round but mean time some of the lads there laughing like mad, they now decide to tell me my cherry coke had a couple or so packet of kamagra in.

billy bankers, i hated them at the time but laugh about it now.
 
On a shoot for a well known German luxury car manufacturer...

Very noisy set, so I walked around the corner so that I could speak to my wife on the mobile. Still too noisy, so decided to get into the back seat of a £100k 4x4 and shut the door to get some quiet.

All was well until I realised that the child locks were on, and the the front seats were so large that there was no way to get through to the front area and get out. Needless to say the windows were blacked and mirrored, so no one could see me inside, and the guys assisting didn't have their phones with them.

Took 15 minutes of knocking before a security guard found me, and then another 5 minutes before he'd radioed all his mates and they'd arrived to have a laugh as well.
 
Hmm, could this be the first tale that doesn't involve any bodily functions...? (Edit: No, Jerm beat me to it)

Back when I was 18, I spent a week that summer as a sailing instructor at a big international scout camp in Derbyshire.
There were loads of activities for the kids to do during the week, and some of these were opened up to the staff to have a go at in the evening. One of these was a fairly impressive assault course.

At this point I need to say that I don't do heights. They're about the only thing that really terrifies me. If fact, it's a good job I'm not any taller as I sometimes get vertigo just from being stood up!!

So, one fine evening I get bullied by some of the other guys I'm working with to go up and have a go on this course. I manage to heave myself around a selection of scramble nets, balance beams and other obstacles to arrive at the final obstacle of the ordeal, the reassuringly named "Death Slide". This was basically a quarter-pipe ramp that you sit at the top of and slide down. Easy eh? Trouble is, as I sit on the edge, vertigo sets in and the world starts going a little wobbly. The guy manning it then tells me that I need to keep my head forward, and give myself a "bit of a shove" off the edge, otherwise I’ll end up cracking my head on the coping. Oh great, I feel better already.
I take a deep breath, lean forward, give myself a "bit of a shove" off the edge, only to experience a horrible falling feeling and a big crash.

The next thing I can remember is wondering why I can’t see anything in the lower half of my vision, and why my backside hurt.
It turned out that my "shove" had been a little too enthusiastic, and rather than dropping a foot or so and then sliding down the gentle curve of the ramp, I’d pushed myself a couple of feet off the edge and plummeted six feet straight down and arse first through the plywood sheet making up the ramp.
The reason I couldn’t see properly was that I was now sitting "in" the ramp, with just the top half of my head sticking out of the hole I’d just made in it.

Luckily, the only real injury was to my pride. It seems news of my “accident” spread far and wide that week as everyone I had to explain to why I was limping had heard about it. Even now, 15 years on, I still come across people who heard about it at the time :(
 
Mine is possibly yet to come.

Have suggested me and other half go for a spa day as a treat.....Terrified I'll take the masseuse's eye out during the massage!
 
Jim.R said:
Luckily, the only real injury was to my pride. It seems news of my “accident” spread far and wide that week as everyone I had to explain to why I was limping had heard about it. Even now, 15 years on, I still come across people who heard about it at the time :(
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I'm sure that was in one of the county news letters over here in greater manchester north ;)
 
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