Calling all parents, is this normal

[Rovers_Andy]

For 6 yr old kid to be sleeping in his mums bed? his is mum and dad are estranged as he was(is) violent and abusive towards her

When i'm not staying there sometimes he sleeps with his mum which i can understand, last night she had a friend staying over so the friend was staying in the kids bed. His mum wanted me and her and him to sleep in her bed, to which i said i don't think it's appropriate and i think its not right for 6yr old kid to be sharing bed with his mum and mums partner, i could understand baby or toddler but 6yr old? where do you draw the line, when he's 8,9,10?

I can never remember sleeping in my parents bed, i can remember going there on a weekend in the morning sometimes but thats it.

Anyway would appreciate others views on this....

 

[npinks]

My 6 yr old sleeps in our bed when his poorly, or if he wakes through the night, I'll stay in his bed to get him back to sleep as he doesn't like the dark (its king use so there's enough room) after all his only 6 and still young

but I sort can see why your uncomfortable with him not been your blood, but a situation were his beds been loaned out, it's better than him sleeping on the sofa etc

 

[Rovers_Andy]

Yeah i can understand if he's had a nightmare, thats fair enough.

I would have been happy to kip on the sofa, i wouldn't expect the nipper or her friend too though

 

[jonbeeza]

I can see why you are uncomfortable, I would probably feel the same if the child was not mine regardless of age Although if the child was about one or two, it may make a difference. I would also be prepared to give up my bed, and I would also be willing to sleep on the floor.

 

[beyond the blue]

The poor kid's probably mixed up with all the people around and needs to feel close to his mum. Think of the childs wellbeing instead of what YOU think is normal. When he feels ready everything will fall into place.

 

[u8myufo]

The fact you never slept with your parents is irrelevant Andy. Imho there is nothing moraly wrong, the kid obviously has problems, giving him the comfort he perhaps needs is not such a bad thing, I would only have reservations if it started to become a habit.

 

[Rovers_Andy]

Hi Rich, i know what you mean. I can understand him staying in his mums bed occasionally, i would say it happens two or three times a month though. The thing that worries me is it will become a habit

 

[Rovers_Andy]

The poor kid's probably mixed up with all the people around and needs to feel close to his mum. Think of the childs wellbeing instead of what YOU think is normal. When he feels ready everything will fall into place.

He is confused for sure (he asked me to be his dad last week), thats why i can understand sometimes he wants to stay in his mums bed for some security, but i just don't think its right when i'm there.

His well being is very important to me thats why i don't feel comfortable with the situation.......

 

[u8myufo]

When I met my now wife andy she had two sons, the youngest at the time was 10. He would be on the go all the time, could not concentrate, he would be watching tv and could not sit still. To cut the story short I pursuaded the wife to get him checked out, she was adament there was nothing wrong though. We seen a child psychologist, after a short chat me and the wife were taken to another room whilst the bloke spent a bit of time with her son. Anyhow move forward to when we are going home in the car, the wife asks her son how he got on, he said ok the man asked me some questions. One of the questions was, if he had one wish what would it be, his answer was he wished his Mum and Dad were back together again. That had been playing on his mind for about 3 years, problem is we are too wrapped up sometimes dealing with all those stuff to take into account how the child/children feel. We told him the that that was never going to happen and that we all loved him, it took a while to work on it but he settled down pretty soon after though. Just a bit of food for thought as your lad is only 6, his head must be awash with thoughts and emotions that no child that age can really deal with.

 

[beyond the blue]

but i just don't think its right when i'm there.

Andy,think of it this way it's probably when you are there that he doesn't feel right. As Rich has pointed out it can be hard to get to the bottom of whats going through his head. You say you never had this problem as a child and to be honest with you neither did I, but we probably had a more stable start in life. I'm sure everything will sort itself out eventually with a little understanding from everyone concerned, after all he's only 6 and two or three times a month isn't that bad.

 

[JulesP]

He may also feel that maybe you are a threat to him and will take his mum away from him - after all his dad has gone (sounds like it was for the best he went though) and now maybe he is worried his mum is going to leave him too. Probably just needs some reassurance and comfort.
Difficult situation though - hopefully will work itself out in time.

 

[Gary Coyle]

Mate, regardless of wether or not the kid has issues its got to be a big no no, seriously mate, have a fall out with the kid in the future and you could be the next Jimmy Saville, you really need to be very careful here.

 

[PaulJC]

Mate, regardless of wether or not the kid has issues its got to be a big no no, seriously mate, have a fall out with the kid in the future and you could be the next Jimmy Saville, you really need to be very careful here.

Really?!?

OP, If it is as you say 2-3 times a month then i don't really see an issue and the chances of a habit forming are pretty slim IMO, having lived with someone and her children for a long period of time and having my own you cant help but feel different about them.

As someone has already mentioned there is no blood connection but in time that does fade, it is possible to treat another's child as your own, even more so if the father is not on the scene or a complete waste of space.