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Stepping on the cracks of the pavement??
and help to keep the site free for all
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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Dale.
Bo Derek
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Talking to my pal yesterday and he asked me was I OK. I said 'yeah but I'm feeling a little bit meh and tired too'. He asked me why and I said ' I keep seeing camels in my sleep'. He asked me had I seen a psychiatrist, I said 'no just camels'.
Nod
Tootles
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Karma!
www.mirror.co.uk
Millionaire trophy hunter, 75, trampled to death by elephants during hunt
Ernie Dosio's home was decorated with mounts of exotic animal heads but was killed in a stampede of angry elephants earlier this month while stalking a rare deer in Africa
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Well, now they can put his head on his trophy wall if they can find a Tupperware container big enough now five elephants have finished with it.Karma!
Millionaire trophy hunter, 75, trampled to death by elephants during hunt
Ernie Dosio's home was decorated with mounts of exotic animal heads but was killed in a stampede of angry elephants earlier this month while stalking a rare deer in Africa
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ancient_mariner
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Probably as well it's not just eating in general then.
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Two blondes were walking in the woods when one of them said 'look, deer tracks'. Th other blonde said 'no, they are wolf tracks'
'My Dad.' said the first one, 'used to hunt deer and he taught me that these would be deer tracks.'
'Well my Dad, worked in the Northern woods, and he taught me about wolf tracks'.
The two blondes argued for about twenty minutes and then got hit by a train.
'My Dad.' said the first one, 'used to hunt deer and he taught me that these would be deer tracks.'
'Well my Dad, worked in the Northern woods, and he taught me about wolf tracks'.
The two blondes argued for about twenty minutes and then got hit by a train.
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It'd work on me for sure
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Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if a finger is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your finger gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $1,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s finger, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and sure enough, the surgeon sews it back on and later they collect $1,000 from the insurance.
A month later…
Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if your arm is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your arm gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $10,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s arm, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and sure enough, the surgeons sew it back on and later they collect $10,000 from the insurance.
A month later…
Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if your HEAD is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your head gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $1,000,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s head, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and … after a long delay, the head surgeon comes out and tell Bill that he’s sorry, but Bob is dead.
Bill: What!? Why?! Two months ago you connected his finger back and it was like new, a month ago you connected his arm and it was fine - what went wrong?!
Doctor: When you put his head in a plastic bag, he suffocated.
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your finger gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $1,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s finger, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and sure enough, the surgeon sews it back on and later they collect $1,000 from the insurance.
A month later…
Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if your arm is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your arm gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $10,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s arm, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and sure enough, the surgeons sew it back on and later they collect $10,000 from the insurance.
A month later…
Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if your HEAD is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your head gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $1,000,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s head, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and … after a long delay, the head surgeon comes out and tell Bill that he’s sorry, but Bob is dead.
Bill: What!? Why?! Two months ago you connected his finger back and it was like new, a month ago you connected his arm and it was fine - what went wrong?!
Doctor: When you put his head in a plastic bag, he suffocated.