NSFW 50 Shades may now be NSFW (adult humour)

jakeblu

jakeblu

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Had to laugh at this, I mean I can understand the vacuum bit, not personally you understand, but a toaster! Really?

Since April 2013 the capital's fire crews have:
  • Attended 28 incidents involving people being trapped in handcuffs
  • Removed 293 rings, including seven from male genitalia
  • Attended other incidents, including releasing men's genitals from toasters or vacuum cleaners
 
Cg_Girl said:
Wtf would they want to toast it for? If it's not hot as it is there's no hope [emoji23][emoji15][emoji16]
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You'd be surprised. I watched a thing on tele years ago about a woman who 'specializes' in pain stuff. She said some men like the cheese grater on it, but sometime it makes them bleed :jawdrop::puke::nailbiting::exit:
 
Raptor Mike said:
You'd be surprised. I watched a thing on tele years ago about a woman who 'specializes' in pain stuff. She said some men like the cheese grater on it, but sometime it makes them bleed :jawdrop::puke::nailbiting::exit:
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Haha yeah I've heard the cheese grater before, might even have been the same program, [emoji15][emoji15][emoji13][emoji13]
 
YOMANK, Keith - I just threw up over this one. Actually, YOMANL since it's one of them not a separate keyboard!
 
jakeblu said:
Had to laugh at this, I mean I can understand the vacuum bit, not personally you understand, but a toaster! Really?

Since April 2013 the capital's fire crews have:
  • Attended 28 incidents involving people being trapped in handcuffs
  • Removed 293 rings, including seven from male genitalia
  • Attended other incidents, including releasing men's genitals from toasters or vacuum cleaners
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Ive mentioned before the story told to me by a casualty nurse about the guy who got into the habit of.. ahem... stimulating himself.. with a power sander ( i assume the orbital kind rather than a belt sander but anythings possible) , he then one day forgot to take the 80 grit pad off first and sanded his wood rather too thoroughly

There was also that guy in america who was rather too fond of his car.... and came to grief when e failed to let the exhaust pipe cool down sufficiently before consumating the relationship :confused:
 
As it hits the big screen (may not be safe for work) . . .









5020Shades20Of20Grey_zpsd2y0cqhx.jpg~original
 
Eeewww....eewww...EWW! :LOL:
 
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Best one I ever heard from a guy that was going out with a nurse,
that worked in A&E.

A guy was brought in to the accident and emergency dept,
It seems his girlfriend was giving him a little mouth to erm, well not mouth, resuscitation, while he was driving along,
overcum, I mean over come with "excitement" he crashed his car into a bridge,
she "clamped down" and did untold damage to ............. well you figure it out
They both lived to tell the tale, but a little worse for wear no doubt :D
 
Nothing surprises me. I've been to a number of auto-erotic 'sudden deaths' in a forensic capacity. Some deeply disturbing others just sex games gone tragically wrong. Even worse when husband / wife is over the side leading a secret double life.
 
This doesn't involve a trip to hospital but funny none the less. An old workmate of mine was having a 69 with his lady friend. Unfortunately his foreskin got caught in a gap between her teeth. He yelped in pain and she started laughing uncontrollably and peed in his face. :)
 
nilagin said:
This doesn't involve a trip to hospital but funny none the less. An old workmate of mine was having a 69 with his lady friend. Unfortunately his foreskin got caught in a gap between her teeth. He yelped in pain and she started laughing uncontrollably and peed in his face. :)
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I'm sure there are people that would pay good money for that :D
 
Probably going to be an increase in doggers who can't wait to get home from watching the movie.
 
CaveDweller said:
Probably going to be an increase in doggers who can't wait to get home from watching the movie.
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Actually that's given me an idea, I'll go hang around the local cinema,
in case there are a few single ladies going to see it ;)

Well you never know :D
 
Cobra said:
Actually that's given me an idea, I'll go hang around the local cinema,
in case there are a few single ladies going to see it ;)

Well you never know :D
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Go in and watch it. Pull off the popcorn trick by poking a hole in the bottom of the tub and ask an innocent lady to reach in :naughty:

Can't remember what Austin Powers movie I saw it in, but it was Minime that did it.
 
Cobra said:
Actually that's given me an idea, I'll go hang around the local cinema,
in case there are a few single ladies going to see it ;)

Well you never know :D
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Just don't be surprised if you wake up in giant jessies and tied to your perch :LOL:
 
CaveDweller said:
Go in and watch it. Pull off the popcorn trick by poking a hole in the bottom of the tub and ask an innocent lady to reach in :naughty:Can't remember what Austin Powers movie I saw it in, but it was Minime that did it.
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LOL I'd forgotten all about that
viv1969 said:
Just don't be surprised if you wake up in giant jessies and tied to your perch :LOL:
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Hmmm interesting thought :D
 
posiview said:
I remember when I was in the Army, me and a few mates had to help a guy release himself from a radiator.

We didn't rush, though :)
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Not of of those early 1950 radiators ! One guy in our Regiment was caught with two slabs of steak between them. He was a cook -they're not called slop jockeys for nothing !
 
Cobra said:
Best one I ever heard from a guy that was going out with a nurse,
that worked in A&E.

A guy was brought in to the accident and emergency dept,
It seems his girlfriend was giving him a little mouth to erm, well not mouth, resuscitation, while he was driving along,
overcum, I mean over come with "excitement" he crashed his car into a bridge,
she "clamped down" and did untold damage to ............. well you figure it out
They both lived to tell the tale, but a little worse for wear no doubt :D
Click to expand...

Reminds me of the one where the couple are driving along and she is "stroking" him.

He gets distracted and hits a lamp standard and she is thrown 10 yards down the road and skids along the gravel.

The ambulance service turns up, rush to him and seeing he is still in his seat wearing his seatbelt start to move towards the woman.

He is screaming "Help! etc". and mumbling.

The ambulance crew start to move off say "You're a bit selfish here - your wife has been thrown 10 yards down the road and you are still in the car"

He says "Yeah but look in her hand! Look in her hand!"
 
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