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It seems like it was only yesterday I was posting on this thread
don't the days seem to just fly by?
It'll soon be Christmas at this rate
The legend Of Frank
A man walks into the street and
manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the
cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the
time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won
the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an
opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard
him play the piano. He was an amazing guy'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special'
Cabbie: 'There's more.......He had a memory like a computer. Could
remember everybody's bi rthda y. He knew all about wine, which foods to
order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like
me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman,
he could do everything right.'
Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank,
he never made a mistake'
Passenger. 'Mmm, there's not many like him around.'
Cabbie: 'And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good
and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing
was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect
man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank
Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I neve r actually met Frank.'
Passenger: 'Then how do you know so much about him?'
Cabbie: 'I married his friggin' widow.'
................................................
And a few one ( almost) liners
one or two are not exactly PC
But just skip over those you may be offended by
I just saw a van drive by with the company name 'Seafood Solutions'. I must admit, I didn't know seafood was a problem.
It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota system.
I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate change after all. Four months ago it was very warm and now it's quite cold.
A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
"She can dish it out, but she cannot take it", I once heard someone sayof me. And it's true - I'm a school dinner lady and I'm allergic to mashed potatoes.
I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.
So Princes Harry and William are throwing a party to celebrate the 10th anniversary of their mother's death. I'm glad that they can finally laugh about it, but throwing a party seems a bit harsh.
I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he's going to come out of this alive.
What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.
Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while.
THIS new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully handed all my knives in and now I've got nothing to eat my dinner with.
'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
don't the days seem to just fly by?
It'll soon be Christmas at this rate
The legend Of Frank
A man walks into the street and
manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the
cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the
time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won
the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an
opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard
him play the piano. He was an amazing guy'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special'
Cabbie: 'There's more.......He had a memory like a computer. Could
remember everybody's bi rthda y. He knew all about wine, which foods to
order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like
me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman,
he could do everything right.'
Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank,
he never made a mistake'
Passenger. 'Mmm, there's not many like him around.'
Cabbie: 'And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good
and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing
was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect
man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank
Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I neve r actually met Frank.'
Passenger: 'Then how do you know so much about him?'
Cabbie: 'I married his friggin' widow.'
................................................
And a few one ( almost) liners
one or two are not exactly PC
But just skip over those you may be offended by
I just saw a van drive by with the company name 'Seafood Solutions'. I must admit, I didn't know seafood was a problem.
It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota system.
I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate change after all. Four months ago it was very warm and now it's quite cold.
A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
"She can dish it out, but she cannot take it", I once heard someone sayof me. And it's true - I'm a school dinner lady and I'm allergic to mashed potatoes.
I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.
So Princes Harry and William are throwing a party to celebrate the 10th anniversary of their mother's death. I'm glad that they can finally laugh about it, but throwing a party seems a bit harsh.
I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he's going to come out of this alive.
What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.
Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while.
THIS new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully handed all my knives in and now I've got nothing to eat my dinner with.
'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
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