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- Ruth
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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a
little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says
aloud, 'Gosh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy Cow,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and
answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly
intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang
onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since
you asked, I wrap my willy around this wooden bar like a little
hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak
English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse
with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics,
religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at
ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great
companion.'
The guy looks at the £20,000 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't
afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is,
nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably
get me for £20; just make the guy an offer!'
The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he sympathizes, and he's very perceptive. The guy is
delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
'Psssssssssssst,' ! And motions him over with one wing. 'I don't
know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife
and the postman.'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted
him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her
nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
! 'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on
his knees and began to kiss her all over....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'
---------------------------------------------------------
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .............
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a aftershave sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice,
I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once removed.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says
aloud, 'Gosh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy Cow,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and
answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly
intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang
onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since
you asked, I wrap my willy around this wooden bar like a little
hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak
English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse
with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics,
religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at
ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great
companion.'
The guy looks at the £20,000 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't
afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is,
nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably
get me for £20; just make the guy an offer!'
The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he sympathizes, and he's very perceptive. The guy is
delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
'Psssssssssssst,' ! And motions him over with one wing. 'I don't
know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife
and the postman.'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted
him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her
nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
! 'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on
his knees and began to kiss her all over....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'
---------------------------------------------------------
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .............
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a aftershave sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice,
I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once removed.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
