Image by kind permission of Jimmy_Lemon
Poem by Bob
Brian the Busker
There once was a terrible singer
Called Brian the busker and he
Turned every song into a minger,
For every note he sang off key.
A guitar that he couldn't master,
Harmonica ready to puff,
His set was a total disaster
Each chart topper really was rough.
The Underground's whole panorama
Would echo as he spread The Jam,
Destroying Bananarama
And ruining singles by Wham!
The folk style he never could hack it,
Paul Simon he turned into junk,
In fact it was so bad a racket
Art Garfunkel came out as funk.
He gave Stevie Wonder a blunder
As well as U-2 and T. Rex,
The Undertones simply went under
And then he made ABC wrecks.
He even messed up Bjorn and Benny
A poor Chiquitita he plucked,
His Dancing Queen lured not one penny,
Fernando and Waterloo sucked.
Some pleaded if he would do Bruce less
They'd never heard Springsteen so dire,
His Jerry Lee Lewis was useless,
He put out his Great Balls Of Fire.
Donations bought less than two cuppas
From Beatles and Monkees and Byrds,
While doing the Mamas And Papas
He couldn't remember the words.
Yet Brian would not take his hat back
Convinced he could win coins and smiles,
Sinatra he tried from the Rat Pack,
But sounded as if he'd got piles.
A dose of the worst heebie - jeebies,
Commuters' ears hurt with the pain
And when he attempted the Bee Gees
They bundled quick on the next train.
Bohemian Rhapsody's grandeur
It took him a whole month to learn,
He gave all it's lyrics a gander,
Determined that now he would earn.
He transformed it into a catfight
The opera bit made them all laugh,
Poor Brian he screwed things up that night,
Queen's epic alerted the staff.
His voice was like tins in a funnel
And now he was told to move on,
While they led him up the next tunnel
He gave them a quick Elton John.
From Dollis Hill over to Wapping
From Bethnal Green to Leicester Square,
If people are fleeing not bopping
It's Brian who's busking down there.
