Remember my "inappropriate" thread?...Update

Notts_Dave

Notts_Dave

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Dave
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Yes
When I my wife confessed her affair to me I posted a shout on here to get stuff off my chest and many many of you posted messages of support, for which I thank you all.

Heres the update.
We tried and tried to work stuff out. We had a holiday booked for ages and decided to use it as a make or break for the marriage.
On Day three in a Mexican paradise she decided that enough was enough and wanted a divorce. In a strange kind of way the rest of the holiday was quite relaxed. I didn't have to try and court her and she didn't have to pretent there was a chance. We were stuck in 5* luxury and took the time to sort stuff out without friends & family offering advice or sympathy etc.

The only other downer was on day six when we had a call to say our house was burgled whilst were were away (they only got as far as the garage and not into the main house so didnt nick much).

So, here I am, living at my parents again after 26 years and trying to get my head round what the future may hold.
Thanks again to all those messages of support from last time.
 
Onward and upwards mate. Now you know there is no hope of your marriage continuing, you can concentrate your efforts to sort your divorce out and then your own life with a view to hopefully finding happiness again.

Good luck(y)
 
Notts_Dave said:
When I my wife confessed her affair to me I posted a shout on here to get stuff off my chest and many many of you posted messages of support, for which I thank you all.

Heres the update.
We tried and tried to work stuff out. We had a holiday booked for ages and decided to use it as a make or break for the marriage.
On Day three in a Mexican paradise she decided that enough was enough and wanted a divorce. In a strange kind of way the rest of the holiday was quite relaxed. I didn't have to try and court her and she didn't have to pretent there was a chance. We were stuck in 5* luxury and took the time to sort stuff out without friends & family offering advice or sympathy etc.

The only other downer was on day six when we had a call to say our house was burgled whilst were were away (they only got as far as the garage and not into the main house so didnt nick much).

So, here I am, living at my parents again after 26 years and trying to get my head round what the future may hold.
Thanks again to all those messages of support from last time.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear that blue - one point when you say you're living with your parents - why have you moved out ? (I'm assuming the house is owned not rented) , she originally cheated, she wants the break, let her be the one that moves out.

I'm not saying that to be unkind but because possesion can make a difference when it comes to splitting assets - being too nice a bloke can lead to you getting shafted in court... just sayin
 
26 ? get on with it! I had done two marriges by 26 and have been with my current one for nearly 25 yrs now... happiest man on earth.... your wondering what the future holds? nothing if you sit round wondering...

You could walk in a room next week and meet the women your going to be with for the rest of your years..

Have a red bull and kickstart yer life :)
 
Some times it a better idea not to **** em off any more than they're already ****ed of. Makes for a bit of an easier life when it come to sorting the details out. The Law tends to favour the women, regardless of who the offending/guilty party is, in these situations.
 
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I moved out because I can't afford to keep the place on my own salary and she put £40K into the purchase when we bought it so in effect its mostly hers anyway.

Moved back to my parents 26 years after leaving, not at the age of 26 KIPAX.
 
KIPAX said:
You could walk in a room next week and meet the women your going to be with for the rest of your years..
Click to expand...

I think you're supposed to pick only one ;)
 
Sorry to hear it didn't work out, but sometimes these things happen for a reason and that train can be very positive on your future life.
 
It's always going to be a nightmare when this sort of thing happens.

Thankfully for me I found out my ex had cheated on me after 18 months of marriage (been together 7 years in total), we had no kids so the separation/divorce was fairly staightforward.

I moved back in with my parents at the age of 31 and moved out again 18 months after that.

I'm happy to report that 6 years after we split, I'm re-married to a fantastic woman and happier than I've ever been although just before I met my wife I did say I'd had enough of dating as women were weirdos :LOL:

Fingers crossed everything works out for you :D
 
Dave, all I can say is look after yourself, as few if anyone else will, never easy.


H
 
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Dave, onwards and upwards mate! At least it's all in the open between you that it's not going any further, heck, look at it this way, you'll be able to go out with the camera without someone nagging what time you're going to be home ;)
If things have been ***** for a while, take this as a celebration, crack open a few tinnies and plan some things to do without input from anyone else, like a holiday somewhere that you've always wanted but never could do (I've always wanted to do the south pole but the Mrs won't let me spend the money) :)
 
woman - women is plural

(sorry i was being facetious as i assumed it was a typo)
 
Yes indeed. Today after two weeks of sulking, crying, wondering what I did wrong etc etc I have today realised the old cliche is true... Today IS the first day of the rest of my life !

What helped me when I first had the news of the affair was to keep a diary. Not for anyone elses benifit but for mine, to get stuff off my chest and I could then re-read it and look back at how far i've come since Friday 13th September.
 
Dave, been there and done that.

While serving in the forces in the middle east 13 years ago I got a message to tell me a work collegue had seen my now ex-Mrs emptying the house contents into a van. On being asked what was going on, she told him she was leaving me, but she hadn't said a word to me about it.

So my tour in the sun gets cut short and on returning home (was living in military housing at the time) I return to find the house virtually empty of furniture, white goods etc, the wedding and engagement rings through the letterbox and £20K+ gone from the bank account.

I won't lie it wasn't the easiest thing to deal with and come to terms with, I hit the bottle hard and slept as and when I felt it. After a couple of weeks and visit to the Dr, I pulled my head out my rectum and started to work things out for the future and what I wanted for myself.

Shortly after that I moved jobs and after six months of hitting the town hard every weekend and shagging myself stupid I met up with a cracking lady, who's now my wife and she's a keeper.

I never said never again, you can't as you don't know who or what is around the corner but it's a path you're walking down and you're on the right route.

Good luck....
 
Add on, never saw the Ex-Mrs again. I got the divorce papers delivered to me thru the post, signed them and sent them off and it was one of the best things I ever did, as soon as the process got that far and on signing them a huge weight was lifted.
 
Some good experiences, and advice,from others here saying saying exactly what I would have . The day you say today is the first day of the rest of your life, and mean it, is when you are born again.

I have to see my first wife on occassion due to our daughter's influence and life has left her bitter and twisted. Me well I had revenge of a kind and am always cheerful positive and HAPPY after all I did well and she had cheated for what? 37 years on my daughter loves me and so do the grand kids.

So throw away the rear view mirror, concentrate on you and you will know when someone genuine comes into your life.

Stay strong!!

S
 
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Thats what i'm doing tonight. D8 downloaded and will be handed into the courthouse Monday or Tuesday. Starting MY healing process.
 
I know the feeling too well, back living at dad's after 7 years of being away.

All happened at the beginning of the year, she still won't admit to the affair but I don't care anymore!

The flat is under offer and I am looking forward to moving on, no point wasting time on someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Some days are harder than others, today is one of those days for me as it's a close family friends wedding (her side) and after 10 years of getting to know them, no involvement or invite was offered.

For me the hardest part is not seeing her family which became part of my life.

But no point dwelling on the past, I always look back and smile. Have taken a few valuable lessons as to not end up in the same situation, live and learn I guess.

Cry when you need to, smile when you don't and rant whenever you feel like it.
 
I don't know you Dave, but all I can do is wish you all the best for the future. You must look forwards. Nothing can change the past, but you can influence the future. (y)
 
Thanks, Already things are changing and my future looks brighter than it did a week ago.
 
I don't really know you yet Dave, but 26 years is a long time to be part of someone. Take it gradually, and be prepared for both downs and unexpected ups. If you can, make some plans and then stick with them, since there are likely to be times when emotions flap freely in whatever breeze is blowing past.

Take care feller.
 
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