The Hormone Hostage

Madpup

Madpup

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Mark
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No
sadly - very true.

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the
wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: Yo! u know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. ****y Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff...... .And my favorite one...

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this onto a! ll of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good
laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...but chocolate
sings.

Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds.

Here have some chocolate.
 
Laughing me socks of here, wait til my hubby reads this he'll be nodding his head so much it will drop off! :smilenod:

One thing for all the guys out there who really are sick of putting up with us hormonal females, believe me it may be hard putting up with us but you wanna try being the one who's hormones are up the creek without a paddle. Believe me, you don't want to go there :hissyfit:

BELIEVE IT! :hand: :nunu:

LOL
 
I have no idea what your talking about :suspect1:

heh heh, j/k I ****ed myself laughing at ALL of it,very good! :laugh1: I do agree with Boo though, you guys think it's bad for YOU,pfft it isn't no party for us either :nunu: Loved #2 and #3 :thumb:

now gimmie some chocolate :D

jules
 
I agree, speaking from over 40 years experiance - have emailed it to ALL my daughters! :stir:
 
To continue the theme :)

Q: Why does it take a woman with PMS 20 minutes to boil an egg?
A : IT JUST DOES!!! OK???!!!!

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a woman with PMS?
A : Lipstick

Q :How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A : One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

I'm sorry... what did you ask me?
 
Have you met my wife
 
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