Matt Sayle
2017MSA Young Photographer of the Year(Motorsport)
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A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'
Bartender 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them s**t in my eye.'
'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from bird s**t.'
Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook.'
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There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a
single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life
for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you s**t on its head.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'
Bartender 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them s**t in my eye.'
'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from bird s**t.'
Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a
single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life
for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you s**t on its head.'
