The shutter speed you want, and therefore the strength of the ND filter, depends on the speed of movement. And of course the level of ambient light affects everything.
Waterfalls move quite quickly, so you'll get the milky look at around 1/4sec, so four stops ND is handy. If it's smoothed out waves or streaky clouds effects, then ten seconds or more and a ten stopper. Like Daugirdas, I use both.
I'm not really understanding the f/2.8 DoF thing, given that waterfalls will tend to be shot at distance when there'll be lots of DoF anyway even at f/2.8.