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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- John Stewart
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Bob Marley's difficult follow up single.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
There is silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'Right, he's dead, now what?'
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
There is silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'Right, he's dead, now what?'
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- ken
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That's a good oldie, in the version I remember, the first hunter phones the emergency service in a blind panic.
"Help, help, my friend has collapsed and is just lying there. He's not breathing, I think he's dead!"
"Calm down, sie, we can help. first, are you sure he's really dead?"
Pause, sound of a shot
"OK, what next.?"
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My wife told me to stop making camera puns. I said she should stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humour!
She left me in a flash…
She left me in a flash…
Dale.
Bo Derek
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- Dale.
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Not a joke as such but very funny, imho,
Today I’m watching the F1 qualifying..... on come the adverts between sessions and the Numan advert comes on, you know, the erectile dysfunction one.
My 10 year old daughter is on the sofa with the laptop and she’s obviously heared the advert. She goes and I quote, “Dad, what’s erectile dysfunction?” ..... unquote.
I’m like.....like......like.... errmm
So I say the first thing that comes into my head, Fred Dibnah, chimney should cover it.
So I end up explaining how Victorian chimneys were built and how Fred Dibnah knocked them over, hence, erectile dysfunction.
Genius, if I say so myself.
Today I’m watching the F1 qualifying..... on come the adverts between sessions and the Numan advert comes on, you know, the erectile dysfunction one.
My 10 year old daughter is on the sofa with the laptop and she’s obviously heared the advert. She goes and I quote, “Dad, what’s erectile dysfunction?” ..... unquote.
I’m like.....like......like.... errmm
So I say the first thing that comes into my head, Fred Dibnah, chimney should cover it.
So I end up explaining how Victorian chimneys were built and how Fred Dibnah knocked them over, hence, erectile dysfunction.
Genius, if I say so myself.
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- Martin
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Not a joke as such but very funny, imho,
Today I’m watching the F1 qualifying..... on come the adverts between sessions and the Numan advert comes on, you know, the erectile dysfunction one.
My 10 year old daughter is on the sofa with the laptop and she’s obviously heared the advert. She goes and I quote, “Dad, what’s erectile dysfunction?” ..... unquote.
I’m like.....like......like.... errmm
So I say the first thing that comes into my head, Fred Dibnah, chimney should cover it.
So I end up explaining how Victorian chimneys were built and how Fred Dibnah knocked them over, hence, erectile dysfunction.
Genius, if I say so myself.
So now she thinks that erectile members are made of bricks, it takes Victorians to put them up and a bloke from Bolton to take them down again. All you have to do now is explain that women's parts are made by miners with spades and the picture is complete.
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What.........the letter was Emery paper.......Ooh, you are awful, but I like you.
Dave
