The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Ba-a-a-a-arvin?


(In response to Toni rather than Chris!!!)
 
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I have just spent 3 hours in the IKEA car park putting together some furniture!
Now it won't fit in the car.
Why do they have an assembly point in their car park?
 
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An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."
 
An old man crashes his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out, confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash for the damages or I will beat you to a pulp!”

The old man replies, “Whoa, wait a second, mister! I don’t have that much money... but let me call my grandson. He trains dolphins.”

The old man dials his grandson. As he is about to speak to him, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So, I hear that you train dolphins. Well, your grandfather just hit and damaged my car. You bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the crap outta him!”

The grandson replies, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”

In exactly 15 minutes, the grandson pulls up in a big Humvee. Four large, strong-looking men jump out and beat the hell out of the expensive car owner.

Meanwhile the grandson walks over to his old grandfather and says, “Grandad, for the hundredth time, I train Navy Seals, not dolphins.”
 
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