The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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An Irishman about to tee off from the first green whan a leprechaun jumped onto his shoulder. He asked the Irishmen what was his greatist wish
. Irishman" I would love to get a hole in one never done it but just once"
leprechaun " I can grant you that wish on one condition, and that is you must never ever get involved with a woman, Not for the rest of you life"
Irishman “Yes I can do that. Not even get interested in any woman”
leprechaun " ok rember you promised "
the Irishman then did of not only got a hole in one but a hole in one on all 18 holes"
Back at the clubroom the people exploded with amazement and delight at this achievement, never been done before
The leprechaun again jumped on his shoulder and said “remember your promise not to get involved with any woman. what do you do for a living”
The Irishman said he was a catholic priest
. Irishman" I would love to get a hole in one never done it but just once"
leprechaun " I can grant you that wish on one condition, and that is you must never ever get involved with a woman, Not for the rest of you life"
Irishman “Yes I can do that. Not even get interested in any woman”
leprechaun " ok rember you promised "
the Irishman then did of not only got a hole in one but a hole in one on all 18 holes"
Back at the clubroom the people exploded with amazement and delight at this achievement, never been done before
The leprechaun again jumped on his shoulder and said “remember your promise not to get involved with any woman. what do you do for a living”
The Irishman said he was a catholic priest
Nod
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The only golfers who carry a 1 iron. Only to be used during thunderstorms, when said club is raised above the head in the knowledge that even God can't hit a 1 iron...
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ancient_mariner
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Evening all, new member here — this thread has kept me entertained all week, so I thought I should contribute. Why don't photographers ever get lost? They always stay focused.
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Another one from me: I told my tripod a joke earlier. It didn't laugh, but it stood by me anyway.
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And one more, because my camera has been asking for it: my camera and I have a wonderful relationship — it never judges me, it just takes everything at face value.
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Right, one more from me — and full disclosure, I help out on a little puns site in my spare time. Why did the barber win the race? He knew all the shortcuts. If that raised a smile, there are plenty more on our <link removed> page.
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I think the dried on leaves are probably affecting the efficiency.
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BLACKSHEAR, Ga. — Authorities responded to what witnesses described as "the most Georgia crime ever committed" after a local man was arrested Tuesday for allegedly placing a live bobcat inside the vehicle of his wife's boyfriend during what investigators are calling a "relationship dispute with excessive wildlife involvement."
According to the Pierce County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched after multiple 911 callers reported screaming, crashing noises, and what one witness described as "a Chevrolet Malibu trying to fight itself in the Walmart parking lot."
Investigators say the suspect, 43-year-old Randy "Possum" Thigpen, allegedly captured a bobcat using a combination of Vienna sausages, poor judgment, and confidence that experts later described as "severely misplaced."
The bobcat was reportedly introduced into the victim's vehicle shortly before he left work.
Witnesses say the situation deteriorated rapidly.
"He opened the door and that cat launched out like an IRS audit," said local resident Bobby Earl Dixon. "I've seen football games less violent than what happened in that front seat."
Authorities report the victim escaped with minor scratches, damaged dignity, and what medical personnel classified as "significant emotional confusion."
The bobcat, meanwhile, exited the vehicle immediately after the incident and was later observed calmly sitting near a drainage ditch, apparently reflecting on the life choices that brought it there.
Deputies located Thigpen several hours later after he allegedly posted a Facebook status reading:
"Some lessons can't be taught. They gotta be clawed."
Officials say the post substantially shortened the investigation.
During questioning, Thigpen allegedly admitted to placing the animal in the vehicle but argued that he had selected a "medium-sized bobcat" because he "was trying to keep things civil."
Law enforcement did not find this explanation helpful.
Wildlife officials have since released the animal unharmed into a remote area where it is expected to spend the remainder of the week telling other bobcats an unbelievable story.
Local prosecutors have not announced formal charges but confirmed that "weaponizing regional wildlife during a romantic disagreement" remains strongly discouraged under Georgia law.
As news spread through the community, residents appeared divided.
"I think everybody made mistakes here," said one man loading deer corn into his truck. "Mostly the bobcat."
At press time, the wife's boyfriend had reportedly traded vehicles, the bobcat had achieved minor celebrity status online, and three separate residents had unsuccessfully attempted to buy "Bobcat Delivery Services" T-shirts.
According to the Pierce County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched after multiple 911 callers reported screaming, crashing noises, and what one witness described as "a Chevrolet Malibu trying to fight itself in the Walmart parking lot."
Investigators say the suspect, 43-year-old Randy "Possum" Thigpen, allegedly captured a bobcat using a combination of Vienna sausages, poor judgment, and confidence that experts later described as "severely misplaced."
The bobcat was reportedly introduced into the victim's vehicle shortly before he left work.
Witnesses say the situation deteriorated rapidly.
"He opened the door and that cat launched out like an IRS audit," said local resident Bobby Earl Dixon. "I've seen football games less violent than what happened in that front seat."
Authorities report the victim escaped with minor scratches, damaged dignity, and what medical personnel classified as "significant emotional confusion."
The bobcat, meanwhile, exited the vehicle immediately after the incident and was later observed calmly sitting near a drainage ditch, apparently reflecting on the life choices that brought it there.
Deputies located Thigpen several hours later after he allegedly posted a Facebook status reading:
"Some lessons can't be taught. They gotta be clawed."
Officials say the post substantially shortened the investigation.
During questioning, Thigpen allegedly admitted to placing the animal in the vehicle but argued that he had selected a "medium-sized bobcat" because he "was trying to keep things civil."
Law enforcement did not find this explanation helpful.
Wildlife officials have since released the animal unharmed into a remote area where it is expected to spend the remainder of the week telling other bobcats an unbelievable story.
Local prosecutors have not announced formal charges but confirmed that "weaponizing regional wildlife during a romantic disagreement" remains strongly discouraged under Georgia law.
As news spread through the community, residents appeared divided.
"I think everybody made mistakes here," said one man loading deer corn into his truck. "Mostly the bobcat."
At press time, the wife's boyfriend had reportedly traded vehicles, the bobcat had achieved minor celebrity status online, and three separate residents had unsuccessfully attempted to buy "Bobcat Delivery Services" T-shirts.
Nod
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After a fancy dress party at which I was "The Incredible Bulk" (painted all over in green food colouring - NOT recommended for easy removal [I was still an odd colour a couple of days later at work as a bouncer!!!]) and dropped the towel that was protecting my modesty when I took the parcel off the postie the next morning...