Am I Too Old/Young for going out?

P

pocquet

Messages
103
Name
Jon
Edit My Images
No
I am 30 years old, for the first time in about 4 years I went out last night to a few bars with the OH and some of her mates etc.

Usually I am one for telly and an early night due to work commitments but I use to really enjoy going out back in the day so I was quite excited.

I don't drink at home only when out or special events. So was hoping for a few drinks a bit of a drunken boogie chips and bed. So after waiting for her to get ready we hit the bars and.. well Everyone was either high teens or low 20s or upper 40s and 50s. No middle ground. Every one looked miserable or messing about with there phones.

Never mind, it will pick up, first 3 drinks went down well (double southern comfort and coke).. felt nothing nodda, shots were drunk.. nothing.

Thinking it would pick up about 11ish I looked around and still people in groups looking miserable playing with phones, just the odd one or two of the extroverted girls or women of a certain age wiggling there bums out of time to the music and the weird lad in the corner who has had a bit too many special tablets.

There were allot of people out, it is payday weekend after all. So we bounced around a few bars and around 1am we had had enough, the batteries were dead on my OH friends phones and they desperately needed to get them charged up. So it was chippy time. Same deal everywhere phone fondling people, just more lairy and argumentative as the booze has kicked in. As for me.. I felt sober as a judge.

We got our chips which were quite nice and after some annoying lads tried to chat my OH up even though she was with me, we got a taxi and headed home.

I was happy to get into bed and give my dogs a cuddle before falling alseep.

I didnt take my phone, just my house key and some cash. I didn't expect to need it to have a good time.

Is this now the norm?
 
Absolutely. God knows how everyone managed before mobiles.
I'm now in the 50's bracket, so do feel old when I go out.
 
I feel your pain I'm 24 and to be honest rarely go out into town anymore as its rubbish and your more likely to come home in a body bag than a taxi.
 
pocquet said:
I didnt take my phone, just my house key and some cash. I didn't expect to need it to have a good time.

Is this now the norm?
Click to expand...
Why is it important to you ? I don't understand why anyone would care how other people spend their free time.
 
Although I've always been very much an indoors type person in all my life (I'm 47) especially what with me being hard of hearing and teetotal, but it is true that in the 31 years of living in the same street where I have been surrounded by pubs and night clubs, I have noticed a gradual change in the "social climate" over the years. Nowadays, anyone that are out and about late at night have their faces basking in the glow emanating from their oversized smartphones as they stroll by but amazingly being able to avoid bumping into lamp posts and other smartphone users coming in from the opposite direction.
Bear in mind that there aren't as many pubs now as there were 30 years ago. In the 80's and 90's, every street had a pub or bar attached at the end or on the corner, we would never be any more than 50 meters away from one wherever we were in the town. But then the decline started in the 2000's and nowadays we'd have to go halfway across the district to find one (in fact, another pub just around the corner from my house has just closed down only a few days ago). it may be due to cheap supermarket beer, the internet, the rise of the 40 ins flatscreen TV and bluray movies making staying indoors all the more attractive. Also, the smokers amongst us are being put out by the no-smoking ban in public places (I don't smoke myself).
In other words, staying indoors is fast becoming the new going out.
 
Last edited:
Going out in the UK is a soul-destroying experience, whenever I do have the misfortune to do it I'm reminded why I left!

Brits are a) drunks, and b) terrible, boorish, violent drunks. I am genuinely ashamed when I see a British stag do here. Germans love their beer, but they know how to have a good time and don't turn into thugs after a few pints,
 
Last edited:
2 or 3 years back I was in conversation with a male friend who was 29. He said he noticed people of his own age, particularly women who had at one time been platonic friends of his, were just 'disappearing' from the social scene. He said as soon as people marry/co-habit they tend to vanish as they stop going out to look for new dates or stay at home due to the cost of running a house or because of children or babysitter costs. I am guessing from what you say, that they all re-emerge at a later age when they either have more money or kids are older or maybe they are divorced.

I find a night at the cinema more fun than pubs now, maybe a pizza first or chips after. Lots of people seem to do meals out instead of a drink.

Another friend in his 50's said that "cafes are the new pubs" and people meet more in the day or early evening. I think he has a point with that, it also feels safer than late night pubs and you dont have to buy a huge meal. If you look round in cafes they are very vibrant quite often and all age ranges can be found in them.

I think all ages of people are becoming socially inept and detached though. I have seen people out walking with dogs or their own children and instead of observing the dog or child or interacting with them, they have headphones in and walk around disinterested in the environment and who they are with. I find that both sad and shocking. Its not just younger people who are 'opting out' of interaction - I have another friend who on evenings out will sit and spend the whole time looking at her phone or playing games and only bothers with others if she has something on it she wishes to show people or show off about - she used to join in and be fun until she got an iphone, then it became all image and no conversation. To me it is ignorant and rude and I wish she would just stop attending events if she cannot be bothered to 'be there' other than physically. I have been tolerant of this for several events but next time I am going to raise it as an issue as I am tired of her attitude towards all of us and it no longer seems to be just a phase. She is in her mid 50's. I am not looking forward to the conversation and would rather not have it, but then I don't feel I want to spend time with her any more as she is so disengaged and rude, we all sit there with 'the elephant in the room', struggling to converse around her without looking as if we are being forced to do so by her behaviour.

If its not people being rude and self absorbed in such ways, its the large screen TVs which ruin any conversations in pubs and cafes as they are on almost all the time and the continuous movement attracts peoples eyes, even those who do not like sport and even if its a one or 2 second distraction, the ongoing frequency of distraction shatters the flow of conversation.

I increasingly wonder how obsessed people have become with wanting to control their environment - removing any imagination from their lives and gradually wiping out personal interaction with anything at all by putting up walls via music, videos, games etc on phones or tablets - blocking out any part of the universe which is not owned, controlled or created by themselves. They miss so much and they do not even know. I am not against phones and tablets - but the frequency of use is becoming disproportionate and utterly self obsessed.
 
Last edited:
kellett said:
I feel your pain I'm 24 and to be honest rarely go out into town anymore as its rubbish and your more likely to come home in a body bag than a taxi.
Click to expand...


Happy Im not the only one who feels like this........even driving through town late at night coming home from family gives me the heebeegeebees



I did not read the post above until now and I see more or less the same thing....
 
Last edited:
A couple of male friends, normal everyday lads, will not go into our local city on a weekend night as they said people look for rows and fights and they just don't want to be involved in the drunk and brawling culture. They are both in their 20's. So no, you are not alone.
 
The last time I went to a club was over twenty years ago. It wasn't pleasant, and although I had never seen trouble at the club before, I heard the following day that someone had been stabbed (dead) there, which was weird, because one of my mates was threatened by a group of guys before we left.
We don't do pubs because they are too expensive, and we would rather have friends around for a BBQ or dinner, or maybe det a DVD and watch it.
 
All down to the places you choose to go out and the people you go with.

When I go out, which is usually a couple of times a month, it is with folks who I get on with and to places where they play my kind of music. This tends to attract like minded folks and leads to great atmosphere in the pub, making it hard not to have a good time. There are phones out, usually people texting other people to say where the bloody ell are you.

Now I'm not a social animal by any stretch, but by choosing the company and destination wisely, I can almost guarantee a good night out.

I'm 36 - so in the 'dead' age range ;)
 
I spent many years in the licensed trade in one capacity or another and have had more than enough of sitting/standing in pubs or clubs. Many years ago, I realised what total tw@s most people are when they're drinking and that I'm not much different, so I rarely drink when we're out these days. We go out for lunch far more often than we do for dinner, mainly because I start fading at 8pm these days, although I am gradually extending that, especially when we're on holiday, when I can sometimes manage 10pm (but that could be because Greece is GMT +2!)
 
Given that this really is what a typical night out in Cardiff city centre looks like : http://www.maciejdakowicz.com/cardiff-after-dark/cardiff-after-dark-photos/
I'm happy enough staying in with a nice meal and a bottle of wine (or several bottles if we have friends joining us)

p.s. I'm actually closer to Newport, but I don't think anyone has ever made it back from a night out there with their camera intact.
 
Last edited:
I am lucky enough to have 5 grown up children who don't forget their parents ,my eldest who is 32 only last week text me to say she as just purchased a couple of ticket's to see one of my favourite bands (and hers ) Star sailor ,we will be going together as we have on other occasions ,they keep me young and my attitude towards the younger generation fresh, I don't drink and I can enjoy myself without it ...my nights out now are with my children I also go out with my son who is in the Army so when he socialises it with his army mates and with me being a ex soldier that works great and makes for a good night, its my wife who gets embarrassed now and not my kids
 
I'm a hermit.
I'd rather stay in.
 
Well I'm 40 next year. Have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. When you have kids you clearly cannot go out as much as you did before.

In my early to mid 20s I could easily go out Wed-Sat nights, be out late and be ok, if a bit tired for work. But I had a less responsible job then, no responsibilities at home and hangovers were not as bad as they are now for the same amount of consumption.

Now that my 7 month old is past 6 month and sleeping generally well I 'force' myself to go out once a week at least. It is too easy to get stuck in family life, talk about your children etc. Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits and my wife, but I believe your life can be richer for the different people and experiences in it. I also don't want to lose touch with my friends who are not in the same situation as me and are not as interested in going to meet up at a children's playground at 10am on a Saturday morning.

In terms of going out and atmosphere, I don' generally find it an issue. I go out with people I want to see, I become relatively oblivious to those around and just enjoy the company of the people I'm with. Drinks flow but you are not forcing it (i.e drinking to get drunk, it (not always) can just be a biproduct of what occurs). Maybe I'm lucky living in London, there are so many good places to go, I don't find aggro an issue, and it's easy to move on if need be if you feel uncomfortable.
 
I go out every weekend as i live alone, it's mainly to stop myself going round the twist, the pubs are dead, and the streets are frequented by drunken idiots, but for me it beats staying in.
 
This thread has come up at an interesting time for me.

I'm 24 and work in a young company that has a strong work hard, play hard attitude that very much revolves around drinking. I've always found the British relationship with drink a bit strange but that didn't stop me binging at parties underage (with my parents full knowledge - they were fine with it as long as it was in a safe environment),then later to be the typical university student and I've done the lads holidays and everything that goes with them. 6 months ago I decided that the sort of relationship I had with alcohol and the effect it had on my physical and mental wellbeing was probably quite bad. Not in the sense that I had any sort of problem with drink so far as a dependency or addiction, just that it wasn't a healthy or positive part of my life.

Initially I wanted to cut out all alcohol for 6 weeks just to break the cycle of working hard all week and hitting town equally hard at the weekend. Stopping drinking was never difficult, I just removed myself from situations where I would normally be drinking so I spent the evenings at home rather than going out. This was good, and I cannot overstate the difference that cutting out alcohol had on my health and happiness, but it was pretty obvious that by removing myself from situations where I would drink I wasn't actually changing my relationship with alcohol, rather I was just limiting the options where I felt a drink was appropriate based on my past behaviour (it's very rare I drink at home at all, I'm not one of those who has a wine with my evening meal or a beer when I get in from work).

Because of the massive changes I felt in health and happiness I made the decision to turn 6 weeks into a 6 month challenge. I began going out a bit more with my friends as I would before, they were drinking as normal and found the concept of what I was doing absolutely baffling which only gave me more reason to see it through because it highlighted just how ingrained drinking is in our culture. The difficulty was always to be as integrated in conversation and any activities when you're the sober one in a group of drunk people. Now I'm not someone who lacks confidence but we all know how loud drunk people get and preventing yourself from being on the fringes of things is actually quite a challenge. One particular evening we had a night out organised with my department. We'd booked a karaoke room and had a big Chinese buffet put on. Inevitably I got called to take my turn on the mic and had to throw myself in and just embrace what was going on.

I've now passed my 6 month target without touching any alcohol at all - I've even turned down tiramisu and Bolognese because they were made with liquor/wine - and I've set 1st of October as the date when this challenge is up. I've decided that the worst thing I could do is reward myself for not drinking with a drink on the first, that seemed completely counter to everything that I was trying to achieve, but I've purchased some nice drinks that I can sit and enjoy when the impulse next takes me. Importantly I've learnt a few incredibly valuable lessons that hopefully mean I will never drink with the same attitude that I did previously. Seeing how other people behave inebriated and knowing how I'd have responded had I been drunk in certain situations that have happened has led me to the following conclusions:

I will never drink for confidence. There's nothing I can do drunk that I can't do sober, be it sing at the top of my lungs to all of my colleagues, make a move on a girl or dance like I just don't care.
I will never drink for comfort. Alcohol does not help emotional situations, be it a stressful week that just needs the edge taken off, a break up or anything else.
I will never drink from compulsion. No situation requires me to drink and I won't feel compelled to drink just because my friends are or because I'm in a pub.
I will never be coerced to drink. How much and how fast I drink is my choice.
I will never drink because an occasion needs it. It used be said quite often that X club is good, but you need to be drunk to enjoy it. That's tosh. If you can't enjoy a situation sober then just leave.
I will never stay out until kicking out time when the club lights come on and the music goes off. Nothing good ever happens in the early hours of the morning. Leaving whilst you're still having fun, though slightly counterintuitive, is actually far more enjoyable than waiting for things to go down hill before leaving or staying until the end for fearing of missing out on something.

An alcoholic drink or two will only be had to enhance an already pleasurable experience.

It's going to be interesting how my return to drinking goes. I value my friendships and my social life and unfortunately until my entire circle of friends have a similar change in attitude that will mean I will continue to meet up most often in pubs and bars, that I can't change. My behaviour in those situations hopefully will change. I won't be going out as frequently, I'll be picking and choosing which events I go to and I'll be calling it a night before all the tools come out of the woodwork.

The most interesting aspect for me, and it's a bit off topic for this thread, is how my happiness changes when I begin drinking again. I'm in a very happy and self-assured place right now despite the stresses of my job and other factors that would drag a lot of people down. I appreciate that immensely. I know they say alcohol is a depressant but I had always sort of dismissed that. Given how quickly I felt a change in that regard I'm now a lot more inclined to believe that there is a sort of cumulative effect of regular drinking that wears down my feeling of happiness (other people may respond differently). No amount of pleasure from a drink is worth that so at the first sign that my happiness becomes more easily impacted by day to day events once drinking from time to time I may well opt to become t-total.
 
Last edited:
Great post Jamie. (y)

I choose not to drink most of the time and found it was easier if I was out to either be the driver or on "tablets" rather than say I didn't want a drink! Maybe because I am female people would try to pressure me into drinking, but these two reasons seemed to work. I am happy to have the odd glass of wine or G&T but it is my choice if I do.
 
I think like someone else said above, it depends on the what you want from your evening, what the venue is and occasion etc.

I'll quite happily go out to a gig or see a dj if it's music I really like for example. But needs no conversation.

However we went out Saturday for a friend of a friend birthday to a local pub and it was just way too noisy. There were just too many loud people there, and I mean shouting and shrieking. I struggle to hear what people are saying when the background noise is too much, so I just ended up smiling and nodding a lot and not really joining in with conversation.
 
onomatopoeia said:
Why is it important to you ? I don't understand why anyone would care how other people spend their free time.
Click to expand...

I had no problem with people basking in the glow of there smart phones, but if your going out out, then surely you want to spend it with friends and the people your with rather than some one who couldn't make it via your phone?

Jamie, great post and well done on your achievement.

RichardtheSane said:
All down to the places you choose to go out and the people you go with.
Click to expand...

I agree, while I was there I did think how much I miss a friend of mine now he is married etc as I think that's why I enjoyed going out so much was how much he enjoyed it and I fed on that.

I will admit that it is about 36 hours since and I am still tired from it.
 
pocquet said:
I had no problem with people basking in the glow of there smart phones, but if your going out out, then surely you want to spend it with friends and the people your with rather than some one who couldn't make it via your phone?
Click to expand...
Why not both?

I've been in bars where it is impossible to hold a conversation with the people you are there with because the noise (music + people shouting to make themselves heard over it) means talking normally is impossible. I'm more likely to be found in quiet pubs where conversation with friends is possible. The amount I look at my phone is directly proportional to how noisy it is. In a normal pub, barely at all, just the occasional check to ensure there are no "oh dear, it's all going terribly wrong" emails from our various web and database servers that require rapid action on my part. In a bar with music and dancing, I'll be on facebook half the time communicating with people on the other side of the table!
 
I don't care what strangers do when they're out, they can stay glued to their phones if they wish - what i can't stand is when the people you're out with do it! They just have to check in on FB or twitter, post pictures to show they're actually out - as if to show off - yet they're more concerned about who knows this than actually enjoying themselves.

One thing you could try is have those you're meeting into turn their phones off, and you do likewise. It'll be tricky convince them, but I guarantee after the itch wears off you'll have a much better time.
 
Phones I can deal with....people in HK will all sit round a table and interact mostly through their phones. Compared to the boorish behaviour of the average brit/aussie drunk they are a shining example of good manners :)
 
round here it divides into three types, the cheap tourist pub , the posh tourist pub, and the local pub (for local people)

if your idea of a good night out is picking up a teenage slapper, scoring some dope and having a fight in the car park with a better than even chance of ending the night in either the cells or the A&E then the cheap tourist pub is ideal - for anyone who grew out of that in the 90s its an awful idea

The posh tourist pub will be charging £4.50 for a pint of old tiddletickler and the only food on offer will be French , tiny portions and eye wateringly expensive, everyone will be wearing barbours and tweed and talking about shooting and fishing and how terrible the recession is that its made them have to get rid of the third Porsche and come on holiday to Devon instead of Tuscany. The younger element will be thoroughly bored and be grouped at the bar talking about 'rugger' and wondering if the olds will notice if these slide off to the cheap tourist pub to score some dope.

The local pub will be the best bet for a decently priced pint and barfood, however unless you are a local face it will go quiet when you walk in, and if you are it will be compulsory to talk about, and feign an interest in, sheep, tractors, and the price of baled soya. At about 10.30pm after the skittles match concludes, all the locals will start singing sea shanties badly. On the plus side service will go on well after last orders principally so the local police can get a few pints down their neck after dealing with the riot that ensues during chucking out time at the cheap tourist pub opposite.
 
I'm 42 with kids ages 14, 5, 3 & 1

When I go out these days it's normally just at our local pub.

Being a village pub everybody knows everybody and if I'm sat at the bar - we're a mix of people aged 20s through to 60s. In that environment the age thing doesn't really matter.

If (to quote Micky Flanagan) I'm 'out out' rather than just 'out' - say in Dundee, Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Glasgow etc then we would tend to move from place to place so if if we wind up somewhere carp / too young / too old - then it's only for one round.

Folk playing with their phones does grate with me though.
 
big soft moose said:
round here it divides into three types, the cheap tourist pub , the posh tourist pub, and the local pub (for local people)

if your idea of a good night out is picking up a teenage slapper, scoring some dope and having a fight in the car park with a better than even chance of ending the night in either the cells or the A&E then the cheap tourist pub is ideal - for anyone who grew out of that in the 90s its an awful idea

The posh tourist pub will be charging £4.50 for a pint of old tiddletickler and the only food on offer will be French , tiny portions and eye wateringly expensive, everyone will be wearing barbours and tweed and talking about shooting and fishing and how terrible the recession is that its made them have to get rid of the third Porsche and come on holiday to Devon instead of Tuscany. The younger element will be thoroughly bored and be grouped at the bar talking about 'rugger' and wondering if the olds will notice if these slide off to the cheap tourist pub to score some dope.

The local pub will be the best bet for a decently priced pint and barfood, however unless you are a local face it will go quiet when you walk in, and if you are it will be compulsory to talk about, and feign an interest in, sheep, tractors, and the price of baled soya. At about 10.30pm after the skittles match concludes, all the locals will start singing sea shanties badly. On the plus side service will go on well after last orders principally so the local police can get a few pints down their neck after dealing with the riot that ensues during chucking out time at the cheap tourist pub opposite.
Click to expand...


In Ireland you get all 3 in one most places :D

There's still the odd decent local pub here and there. But they're a dying breed. Trendy pubs everywhere! Over priced slop, full of youngsters that look like they should be doing their homework, DJs playing 'wub wub wub' music waaaaaay too loud just to make sure you have a sore throat next day from shouting to be heard - almost guaranteed a fight, or 3, to brew up ... you get the idea.
 
I'm 50 and only go into a pub if I have a gig there myself or if I am going to see another band/musician. I have never been interested in going to a pub just for a drink.

Cagey75 said:
DJs playing 'wub wub wub' music waaaaaay too loud
Click to expand...

Generally, DJs should be illegal! They think they are musicians when all they are actually doing is playing records.

When I am sound engineering for bands, I like to give the DJ his own monitor. When he turns himself up, I turn up his monitor even more and turn him down out the front. Eventually he gets the message.

I don't understand why DJs playing between bands want to be louder than the bands. In my opinion, they should be quieter so people can actually talk to each other without having to shout!


Steve.
 
Last edited:
Last time we were out there was a decent band playing most of the night, we could chat away with the people we were with, and still enjoy the music. They finished around 12 and then ... female DJ - who I know - sets up and from the off blares the place out of it. She wasn't even mixing or saying anything, just throwing silly shapes and going "Whoop whoop" every now and then, and goading people to get up and dance. Maybe they would if they didn't have to keep their fingers in their ears or if you played some tunes that were actually dance-able to! Tit.
 
It's not just kids who are obsessed with their phones.

We went out for a meal with an old friend that we see two or three times a year. He's now drawing his state pension.

All the way through the meal he was checking his phone that he had on the table next to his plate. So did his wife on her phone, then they started talking to each other about what they'd just seen - same on both phones. When I asked if we were boring him he started showing us endless pictures of his grandkids eating their tea. Seems he's obsessed by the mindless drivel on Facebook.

Don't think we'll be going for another meal soon!!!
 
I was in a meeting the other day where 4 out 6 of the attending managers (and I confess I was one) were checking their emails on their blackberries under the table - ive also had to pll my boss up on checking his email in the middle of a pdr ... things were so much better when phones were just phones
 
Thing is, we all have one, or most of us. A 'smart' phone. that can do all sorts of entertaining things ... when you're BORED! But most of us have the common courtesy to put them away when we're with company. Mine rarely ever comes out of my pocket when I'm socialising [though, that's not very often lately :( ] - I make most use of mine when I'm just lounging about, or waiting on [or even on] a bus, or in a waiting room or just ... waiting on anything. It's cool to have the ability to post the odd pic direct to your FB or whatever, to show those who cannot be there, but you don't need to check in every 5 minutes.
 
dinners said:
I'm 42 with kids ages 14, 5, 3 & 1

When I go out these days it's normally just at our local pub.

Being a village pub everybody knows everybody and if I'm sat at the bar - we're a mix of people aged 20s through to 60s. In that environment the age thing doesn't really matter.

If (to quote Micky Flanagan) I'm 'out out' rather than just 'out' - say in Dundee, Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Glasgow etc then we would tend to move from place to place so if if we wind up somewhere carp / too young / too old - then it's only for one round.

Folk playing with their phones does grate with me though.
Click to expand...

The mickey flannagan has me in stitches :LOL:
 
Unfortunately it is the way it is going. I don't go clubbing much anymore but used to a lot. Heck that is where I recognised the gorgeous girl dancing in a cage in her hot pants as the one from work. I am still married to her :)

My daughter was complaining at the last few primary school discos. All they do is play on their phones, take photographs and then show it to each other. I really don't get what wrong with people, but I guess those young ones see their parents do it. Funny thing is that they are too young for Facebook, snapchat, etc accounts. A

nd at ceop info evenings the parents go on and on about photographers and that their children aren't online. When I pulled them up on that that they have all accounts for these sites they say that it's ok. So hypocritical.

It's great technology, however now it is also a mass market product accessible and affordable to all. And unfortunately I think many just can't put it in context.

What I really can't stand is when you are out and someone gets a notification and they just have to look at it instantly. Like the here and now isn't important enough. And even when I say something they go like yes sorry but this is a text.
 
I can see they'd be useful for a bunch of lads in a club - text or email is a damn sight easier and more discreet to say

'you seen her over there'

'phwoar I would'

'jeez what a moose'

etc , rather than shouting in your mates ear

Also if you've pulled and are leaving early its far more convenient to email your mates the good news (with a picture for proof) so they don't spend hours looking for you at the end of the night, than it is to leave your young lady of choice standing around while you find one of them and impart the news via sign language

Older people on the other hand have far less excuse
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top