"I began going out a bit more with my friends as I would before, they were drinking as normal and found the concept of what I was doing absolutely baffling..."
I was brought up in a family where drinking was done at Christmas, and then only the odd sherry or perhaps the odd bottle of cider literally only once or twice a year. As a result I was not brought up in the culture of 'you can only have fun if you drink alcohol'. I found as I got to later teens and onwards that others were puzzled by my lack of interest or really resentful of it, as if it was some kind of judgement on them - yet I have never had issues about others around me drinking - its up to them what they do on a night out. It must be hard for you if your management are pushing staff towards a drinking culture. Its irresponsible of them. I wonder if they will find it a good policy when they find they have staff with health issues that impact on work in time to come?
"I will never drink for confidence. "
That was my other reason for not drinking. I had always been painfully shy. The bit of me that wanted to stop being shy wanted to improve on its own, not hide behind drinking as then the improvement would not have been my own, to be proud of achieving, it would have belonged to the alcohol I was cowering behind. I would still have been the afraid person, clinging to a glass. Vanity and pride saved me on that one
but it was a good stand to have made for myself.
The most interesting aspect for me, and it's a bit off topic for this thread, is how my happiness changes when I begin drinking again. I'm in a very happy and self-assured place right now despite the stresses of my job and other factors that would drag a lot of people down. I appreciate that immensely. I know they say alcohol is a depressant but I had always sort of dismissed that. Given how quickly I felt a change in that regard I'm now a lot more inclined to believe that there is a sort of cumulative effect of regular drinking that wears down my feeling of happiness (other people may respond differently). No amount of pleasure from a drink is worth that so at the first sign that my happiness becomes more easily impacted by day to day events once drinking from time to time I may well opt to become t-total.
