An inappropriate post but i need to do it

Notts_Dave

Notts_Dave

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Dave
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I don't post much at all on here, mainly because I doubt my own ability and knowledge.
I also don't agree with people who post on Facebook stuff about when they've had a death etc etc for attention or sympathy, but last night at 8:30 the world dropped out of my bottom for the second time when my 2nd wife said....

I'm leaving you and there is someone else.

I really needed to shout from the roof tops my anguish but on here where nobody knows me will have to do.

I don't care if nobody posts in sympathy, I don't care if anyone thinks i'm wrong in doing this but right now after being awake since 6:30 Friday morning I really don't care what the world thinks !
 
I can sympathise with you to some extent Dave. Something similar happened to me about 12 years ago, although we weren't married. I thought the world had ended for me, and couldn't see a future. It took a long time to get over, and I kept thinking what it was about me that had caused it. I came to the conclusion that there had been nothing I could have done to change her mind. There is nothing anyone can say to help you at the moment, but time will heal the pain, although I can still remember the hurt I felt at first.
 
I like your Sig Dave (y)
 
+2 on the sig. I cant remember any of your previous posts, but i remember reading your sig before... NOW GET BACK ON AND RIDE LIKE HELL!!!!!



When you're ready of course.
 
Thanks folks. The funny thing is (given the circumstances) is that she used the exact same words wife #1 used, I got over that and i'm sure i'll get over this but it still hurts.

The sig... forgotten al about that.
 
It's true that nobody can say anything that makes it all ok, it's crap and i feel for you, that kind of hurt is pants..

As with the posts though, sometimes using something like a post here is just a way of letting emotion/anger off.. use it if it makes you feel better. :hug2:
 
Not an inappropriate post - posting on a forum IMO is completely different to FB. Sorry to hear what's happened.
 
It's nice to hear messages of support and I thank you. Like I say in my first post I just want to shout scream and throw a tantrum for five minutes.

I've got a 2pm "meeting" with her to discuss things. I honestly believe reconciliation is not an option.

The bit that kills me the most is that her first husband couldn't keep his trousers up before she threw him out and here she is doing the same.
Sorry to rant on if anyone is listening but sometimes it's nice to vent feeling to strangers.
 
No doubt, rough time ahead for you Dave, but hopefully there's better things ahead for you.
 
Things happen for a reason Dave, at the time it can hurt like hell and good on you posting on here as it all helps just that little bit to get it out of yor system, much better than bottling it up and doing yourself damage. Give it time and I'd say you'll look back on this time and see it all a bit differently.
Best wishes
 
Thanks for sharing it with us Dave. I hope that things improve for you, and although it won't be easy, that you can move on.
 
Far be it from me to be presumptuous but is she seeking some kind of perfection and being unrealistic about it?

In this modern age, fewer people are sticking together and sticking it out, preferring to jump ship in the hope of brighter/better futures but then fail to find it so continue jumping without ever settling down.
 
My brain is working wired thoughts. I just realised i still have a set of sauce pans that my brother gave me as a wedding present to wife#1 so they've out lasted 2 marriages!
 
I tend to agree with your thinking Omens. I know I'm a decent bloke so what does she stand to gain?
 
Sorry to hear your news. Like others have said time is the healer, look after yourself and be kind to yourself. I guess there's little you could do to influence her decision.
 
Really sorry to hear of this. try and stay calm when you meet her. as for the saucepans one of many strange thoughts you will have. take care
 
Dare I say

I was divorced in 2003

I now have a life again , Will I ever get married again

NO

hope you get yourself together soon
 
Notts_Dave said:
. I know I'm a decent bloke so what does she stand to gain?
Click to expand...

half your house and pension ;)

At the end of the day theres no point in wondering - may be its another girl not another bloke (she did say "someone else" :LOL: )
 
Sorry to hear your news. Whilst this will hurt for the foreseeable, make sure you look after yourself and take care of number 1.
 
Hi

Been there, worn the tee shirt, drank far too much.

You've breen there twice now so difficult to find words that could start any self healing.

It will no doubt go deep and you will hurt again and again, but don't turn in on yourself. Seems a difficult path now but keep yourself busy and focussed.

Steve
 
sorry to hear this mate even tho i dont know you, i wise old man said to me when 1 door gets closed a new 1 opens chin up mate and look to your future
 
Hoochy1, love the SIG!
 
Notts_Dave said:
It's nice to hear messages of support and I thank you. Like I say in my first post I just want to shout scream and throw a tantrum for five minutes.

I've got a 2pm "meeting" with her to discuss things. I honestly believe reconciliation is not an option.

The bit that kills me the most is that her first husband couldn't keep his trousers up before she threw him out and here she is doing the same.
Sorry to rant on if anyone is listening but sometimes it's nice to vent feeling to strangers.
Click to expand...

Do it then... Sometimes it's easier to vent to strangers, anytime you feel the urge come in here and let it out, plenty have been through the same thing and understand what you are going through...
 
cheers dave yea i love my sig to, just look at it as a new chapter in your life about to open
 
UPDATE:

Late on Saturday evening she returned home and asked for forgiveness. I just need to get across to her that what she believed has been missing form our marriage that we had in the first few of the five we've been married is in actual fact quite simply "happy ever after" and that sometimes life is rubbish.

I am a massive advocate of the institute of marriage and we've had the better now is a time of worse. I'm hoping she now comes to the same conclusion and sees sometimes the worse parts of the vows are very very worse.

Thanks again for listening.
 
personally I'd have told her to **** off , but you are clearly a better person than me
 
Probably different , not necessarily better. I'm not frightened of life after divorce but I really want to spend life with her.
 
fair play - my only advice though is , has she come back because she's genuinely sorry , or because the other bloke has given her the boot (possibly because he was up for a fling but not for something more serious) ?

I know that sounds nasty and not what you want to hear , but my experience is someone who'll cheat on you once, will cheat on you again if you give them the chance
 
big soft moose said:
fair play - my only advice though is , has she come back because she's genuinely sorry , or because the other bloke has given her the boot (possibly because he was up for a fling but not for something more serious) ?

I know that sounds nasty and not what you want to hear , but my experience is someone who'll cheat on you once, will cheat on you again if you give them the chance
Click to expand...


That's so true and one reason why i couldn't take anyone back that cheats.. ..

I do genuinely hope it works out for you if that is really what you want
 
I think she is sorry she cheated but not sorry for the reason she did so. That i believe is where the hard work is to be. As someone else posted, I believe its all too easy to bail on marriages these days. We are both taking steps to rekindle our love.

D
 
It's always difficult. Forgiving her and accepting her back makes you the bigger of the two. Yes, there's always a chance that she'll run off again but at the same time, she might never do so. Maybe she got a dose of reality and preferred you - as I said above, she thought the grass was greener and found out that it wasn't.

Agree that you need to focus on what went wrong or why things weren't working. There may have been things you did/said or the way you did/said things that got her looking elsewhere in the first place. She may have had dreams or aspirations before she met you that she has never been able to fulfil. Or maybe she's a gold digger and she ran off with someone who she thought was rich and yet lived in a caravan.

Hope it all works out for you.
 
This is such a lovely cheery thing to read - just saw your update! I'm so pleased this happened, and kudos to you for having her back - must have been millions of emotions! Good luck! It's given me the ammunition to try for my angel and try and get her to return.. Thank You!
 
You are a biger better man than me Dave, if it was me in your shoe,s then i would show her the door, wouldnt be able to trust her again, always wondering where she was or who she is with.
But, you are not me, i have nothing but respect for you for working thing,s out, realising where you went wrong and making the effort to put it all behind you.
My partner left me with my 8 month old son for my best friend 16 years ago, that didnt last and after she married him, she did it again to him. I now have a wonderfull partner. . . . and i live 4 doors away from my ex. . . . you never no where life will take you, just make sure you are doing the right thing for both of you.
Good luck, i have my fingers crossed for you
Dave
 
You're a braver man than me Dave, theres no way i could go back into a relationship from infidelity, she will do it again but, well there really is no but, she will do it again.

Good luck.
 
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