Does your other half approve?

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jonneymendoza

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Hi all. when you take a strangers picture of the opposite sex, does your other half get mad/jealous?

I was doing a 100 strangers portrait picture around london and i take a mixture of male and female subjects(im male)

Reason i ask is because i had a encounter with my missus! had to remove half of my pics i taken so far on my flickr(for this project) and now thinking i may just not bother with this project as i personally dont want to take pics of just men.

i wanted my project to have variety in it. males and females, teenagers to old people etc etc and if i an handicapped in only taking certain subjects then i may have to call it time on this project :(

there is no persuading the misses either. shes ****ed and thats that really.

How does your other half accept you participating in taking pics of the opposite sex for whatever photography project you may be doing?
 
would be a bit flamin awkward if he did, all those poor grooms with no photos. :eek:

Not sure how to put this gently, but you need to sit down and talk to your lady and find out why she is so against it? Not going to play agony aunt here, but for goodness sake talk to her, as there is usually more to this kind of thing than surface jealousy :|
 
My missus doesn't mind.
I wouldn't take anything 'iffy' or do any nude/longerie shoots so there is no reason for her to be offended. A younger woman might not like her other half showing an interest in other woman ... how would you react if your missus started to go out taking pics of young men?
It may well be 'unreasonable' of her but if she is truly offended she's more important than your hobby - try ordinary street togging or something else, when she sees how understanding you are, who knows ... she could change her mind.
 
On POTN you started a thread about your wife getting jealous of her nieces new 600D and now you have one here saying the same thing about you taking pictures of women for a project.

Think I would be hiding the kitchen knives myself ..... :LOL:
 
Mine didn't give a hoot...about me.
 
ask her how many photographers she knows of that only photograph men. and what exactly she thinks is going to happen if you photograph women. and perhaps what she thinks happens when other men photograph women.
 
she couldnt care less.

I would suggest you get out of this current relationship as it doesn't sound very healthy. You don't have a rabbit by any chance :LOL:

you don't have to persuad her, just put them back and tell her you are not going to remove them or stop taking pictures of anyone.



jonneymendoza said:
Hi all. when you take a strangers picture of the opposite sex, does your other half get mad/jealous?

I was doing a 100 strangers portrait picture around london and i take a mixture of male and female subjects(im male)

Reason i ask is because i had a encounter with my missus! had to remove half of my pics i taken so far on my flickr(for this project) and now thinking i may just not bother with this project as i personally dont want to take pics of just men.

i wanted my project to have variety in it. males and females, teenagers to old people etc etc and if i an handicapped in only taking certain subjects then i may have to call it time on this project :(

there is no persuading the misses either. shes ****ed and thats that really.

How does your other half accept you participating in taking pics of the opposite sex for whatever photography project you may be doing?
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The adult thing to do would be to discuss her fears, not demand she change her beliefs/thoughts to suit you... Ask her about them. It is a form of insecurity, so ask her what you can do so she feels more comfortable about it. Explain your project to her. Plus there's a possibility that she wants you to take photos of her too, although you may already be doing that. She may just want to be asked if she wants to be involved in the project.

If you love her and respect her, talk to her about it. Be aware that you can and shouldn't fix the problem, but you need to let her talk about it and help her to figure out the solution. It will be complicated and possibly hard for her to explain verbally.

Part of why you're with her is who she is, that encompasses all of her, fears and all. Help her with them, it will strengthen your relationship.
 
jonneymendoza said:
Hi all. when you take a strangers picture of the opposite sex, does your other half get mad/jealous?

I was doing a 100 strangers portrait picture around london and i take a mixture of male and female subjects(im male)

Reason i ask is because i had a encounter with my missus! had to remove half of my pics i taken so far on my flickr(for this project) and now thinking i may just not bother with this project as i personally dont want to take pics of just men.

i wanted my project to have variety in it. males and females, teenagers to old people etc etc and if i an handicapped in only taking certain subjects then i may have to call it time on this project :(

there is no persuading the misses either. shes ****ed and thats that really.

How does your other half accept you participating in taking pics of the opposite sex for whatever photography project you may be doing?
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That is disgraceful and no way to act. I would never tolerate that from a partner. It's totally unreasonable.
 
All I can do is repeat what's already been said and say that you need to talk to her about why she's so insecure.

Strangely I have the opposite problem. My OH is always trying to link me up with oiled, semi-naked men . . . :cautious: maybe he's trying to get rid of me ???

Seriously, he has a lot of friends who are into body building or are complete gym-nuts and he's always trying to offer my services as a photographer.
TBH though, it's not a genre that I'm interested in. The trend seems to be for heavily HDR'd shots :puke: and I really don't want to learn about the body-building scene and have to understand what poses show the best muscle definition / how best to light them to bring that out etc etc.
 
As you are doing a 100 strangers project that should be all that is needed to explain why you are taking the shots. If she doesn't get that or understand it, assuming you have explained it, then explain it again.
If that is still no good she needs some therapy that is not going to come from this forum. Therapy is not to be feared or embarrassed about and most people could do with some as most people have at least one hang up. I lost count of mine...
 
Well I had a chat with the missus and I know why she is like this. Her ex had a lot of girl mates and was popular with them as he was good looking and one day cheated on her.

Fast forward in time and she says I'm obvious attractive but she don't trust the woman around me
 
jonneymendoza said:
Well I had a chat with the missus and I know why she is like this. Her ex had a lot of girl mates and was popular with them as he was good looking and one day cheated on her.

Fast forward in time and she says I'm obvious attractive but she don't trust the woman around me
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Time for a self portrait to see what sort of a hunk you are :LOL:
 
jonneymendoza said:
Well I had a chat with the missus and I know why she is like this. Her ex had a lot of girl mates and was popular with them as he was good looking and one day cheated on her.

Fast forward in time and she says I'm obvious attractive but she don't trust the woman around me
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It takes two. Her ex made the cowards choice to cheat rather than be honest about where the relationship was.
 
jonneymendoza said:
Well I had a chat with the missus and I know why she is like this. Her ex had a lot of girl mates and was popular with them as he was good looking and one day cheated on her.

Fast forward in time and she says I'm obvious attractive but she don't trust the woman around me
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Again, she needs to appreciate what you are actually doing. Taking a picture of a stranger and moving on. You are not taking them out or seeing them again.

My wife couldn't care less how many women I chat too as I am useless with them :)
 
ernesto said:
Again, she needs to appreciate what you are actually doing. Taking a picture of a stranger and moving on. You are not taking them out or seeing them again.

My wife couldn't care less how many women I chat too as I am useless with them :)
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Yea I tried explaining to her how I don't even know the people I take pics off or chat to them much except for just asking if I can take there pic. That is all.

She wasn't having none of I'm afraid. Will take lots of persuasions to convince her. Maybe I should have asked her permission to do this project but why should I have to? This is why I did not ask her before as i knew she would have a go at me for even thinking of doing such a project.
 
jonneymendoza said:
Yea I tried explaining to her how I don't even know the people I take pics off or chat to them much except for just asking if I can take there pic. That is all.

She wasn't having none of I'm afraid. Will take lots of persuasions to convince her. Maybe I should have asked her permission to do this project but why should I have to? This is why I did not ask her before as i knew she would have a go at me for even thinking of doing such a project.
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I know it sounds harsh, but I'd not want to be with someone like that.
 
Ricardodaforce said:
I know it sounds harsh, but I'd not want to be with someone like that.
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Na you ain't harsh. I appreciate your honesty. It's something I need to rectify somehow or else me and my missus will have more issues.

Warning signs where there in the past though. For example when I sometimes go out for drinks after work she asked if there is any woman from my work! I just tell her to chill and relax
 
Doesn't sound like this will end well. I'd tell her she is being unreasonable and continue the project.

If you struggle to talk to her about it (she gets defensive etc) then ask her to talk to a friend/family member. Normally when they talk to someone without the emotional investment they understand how irrational their behaviour is.
 
How important is your marriage?
 
A marriage has to be built on trust, if she does not trut you, is there anything in the past that instigates this mistrust, and it needn't be people related. Something to definitely sort out now, if the relationship is going to survive for the long haul ( I'm 45 years and counting)
 
i'm afraid you can't lock yourself away in a cupboard. How does she feel about you working with women (don't know if you do or not), speaking to female shop assistants etc..? We all come into contact with members of the opposite sex at some point.. doesn't mean we want to jump on their bones!

Maybe you should tell her you're doing a project called '100 Ugly Strangers'.. see how that goes with her (y)
 
Tell her you are thinking about putting out a casting call on MM for some female art nudes.

To take place at home :p
 
My wife doesn't mind at all, she prints stuff out for me at her work (reprographics). If I was to do any nude/lingerie stuff I'd mention it to her first but she wouldn't mind.

I don't think a photography forum is the right place to be passing comment on your relationship.
 
On another note id sort out your browsing history, if she happens to stumble across a thread online with you talking about your problems to us rather than to her id imagine it wouldn't go down well.
 
jonneymendoza said:
Very. Why?
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Because if it is you will be prepared to overcome anything to rescue it.
Several members are tantamount to recommending you end your marriage over this issue ... crass advice IMO.
If you love your wife you will not do anything that offends her, even if that seems unreasonable to you ... surely photography isn't a reason to end your marriage.
As has been suggested by others, you need to talk to her and try to allay her fears ... maybe suggest she takes up the hobby or goes with you when you do your project.
BUT, if all else fails and your marriage is VERY important to you, you will not jeopardize it over an aspect of photography, as irritating as that may be.
 
It was reported recently how men are frequently attracted to their female friends and platonic friendships just aren't as platonic from the male perspective. Women don't see their male friends as potential partners anywhere near as often.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/...s-with-women-driven-by-sexual-attraction.html

With having a previous partner cheat she's going to be ultra sensitive so doing this project is going to lead to some kind of issue. I think the 100 ugly strangers is your best bet (y)
 
srichards said:
It was reported recently how men are frequently attracted to their female friends and platonic friendships just aren't as platonic from the male perspective. Women don't see their male friends as potential partners anywhere near as often.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/...s-with-women-driven-by-sexual-attraction.html

With having a previous partner cheat she's going to be ultra sensitive so doing this project is going to lead to some kind of issue. I think the 100 ugly strangers is your best bet (y)
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That's not news, it was a joke in Ally McBeal over 10 years ago ! :LOL:
 
PaulF said:
I don't think a photography forum is the right place to be passing comment on your relationship.
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Tend to agree and I think the advice she speaks to someone else for a bit of perspective is a good idea.

I've got a different issue, my wife just laughs at all my photos and says how crap they are (but in a sort of constructive way) :)
 
This is a deeper issue I suspect....No way will I allow my partner dictate what I can and can't photograph, she won't allow me to do the same....

It's her controlling nature that concerns me, she has decreed that thou shall not photograph women and publish the photos even if there is an equal number of photos of men. Does she control other aspects of your life? It could be that her previous boyfriend also cheated because she was suspicious, thus pushing him in to the arms of another woman. When I get hacked off with my other half, my thoughts tend to wander...

What she is doing is not healthy - if she can't trust you then it will only end up horribly.

And, the suggestion to clear your browser history and internet/temporary files, is a good one..
 
I don't shoot portrait images, not even pets but i think if i started doing glamour/boudoir/art nude shots and they were all male, through worrying it might upset my wife, i think she would be more worried about me only shooting guys in their undercrackers lol

Just be open and honest about anything you do, nobody gets hurt only opinions rise to the surface.

Being clandestine about things only makes you more suspect.
 
well my missus must have banged her head today or something because i just had a chat to her explaining exactly what the project is all about and shes fine with it!

even thinks its easy to do and so i told her when we are out together, i want her to try to approach a stranger to take their pic!

must have caught her in a good freaking mood!

anyways i explained the project, showed her some sample pics that others have posted and how when we are together she can spot and tell me people i should ask to take pics and she is cool with that.
 
jonneymendoza said:
well my missus must have banged her head today or something because i just had a chat to her explaining exactly what the project is all about and shes fine with it!

even thinks its easy to do and so i told her when we are out together, i want her to try to approach a stranger to take their pic!

must have caught her in a good freaking mood!

anyways i explained the project, showed her some sample pics that others have posted and how when we are together she can spot and tell me people i should ask to take pics and she is cool with that.
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Put the camera in her hand!! Seriously, get her to take some of the pics as well as picking out possible subjects, get her involved even more so she has an emotional 'investment' in the project. it does sound like you need to build up her trust levels, and be seen to be a perfectly normal, honest husband who just enjoys photographing people of ever shape, size, skin colour AND gender. Good luck (y)
 
Yv said:
Put the camera in her hand!! Seriously, get her to take some of the pics as well as picking out possible subjects, get her involved even more so she has an emotional 'investment' in the project. it does sound like you need to build up her trust levels, and be seen to be a perfectly normal, honest husband who just enjoys photographing people of ever shape, size, skin colour AND gender. Good luck (y)
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^ ^ That's exactly what I would have said. Get your wife to go out with you and maybe take some of her own pics. She'll be able to see exactly what you get up to and maybe she'll learn to trust you.
 
cheers all and that is what i have in plan. i have told her i will ask her to approach strangers and take pics!

we are going to miami/orlando and i have told her we will do some of this project there and approach the americans!
 
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