For me, its not your choice of words that is an issue. I think there is a better image in there somewhere, as the clouds and sun rays certainly are dramatic. Maybe id try taking a small amount off of the bottom to give it more of a letterbox crop. Unfortunately, for me, the processing is a little too much though. It might help if you let us know what is was you were after. If you were looking for an accurate representation of what you saw that day, I can say quite confidently, that you have failed. But, if you wanted something completely different, let us know. Unfortunately, its 'normally' the case that, if you have to explain it, it probably doesnt work.
I hope youve taken what ive said in the spirit it was intended.