I am attempting an early entry today, which should allow some forced sleep this evening!. I have no idea what I want to write about, yet. Also, I have no picture. Defeats the purpose a little as my intention when starting this was to take a photo every day representing how I felt at time of photo. Some days it seems, I take a photo representing the text, which in turn represents what I feel. Similar, but still different. The focus becomes the text, and the image plays second fiddle to words on a page.
It's a very difficult balancing act, and one which I clearly will never master any time soon. Not that it matters hugely, the world won't stop if I write 3 words instead of 3,000, and likewise, my photos are not going to move the earth either. But that's not the point, as if I am unable to master this balancing act, I will get nowhere with my new project, which is a shame, as it excites me hugely. I suspect, I may have bitten off more than I can chew with it, however half the battle will be proving myself wrong. I look forward to trying.
Excellent, now I know what this entry is about. Balance. In the two paragraphs above which have just transpired from nowhere, I was able to break it up into a few sentences and pinpoint a subject matter. The flow of words combined with a weird choice of sentences, one big balancing act The result is, I now have the feelings nailed which will allow me to finish today’s brain dump.
Having to balance time and priorities is 100% central to my new project, I mean it IS my new project in a sense - it is the central theme running through the entire life of it. Which is hugely ironic, as if I am to succeed with the project in a timely fashion, I need to throw the scales out the window and more or less ignore what's important, focus on the pure fun of fulfilling this new obsession. Which is problematic you could say...
Because if we all think about it for a second, surely that’s what life is, a huge set of scales with FUN on one side, and PRIORITIES on the other. Sure, it would be nice to be able to take a bit of fun, and mix it with your priorities, but that's not always possible, and as such, we find ourselves torn between the two opposing forces. I think it was intended that way, it's like a hidden rule of the universe. I mean let’s pretend for a second, that I am a complete loony, and this balancing act rant is complete tosh...Easier than you think I hear you say!
So, you have fun and priorities mixed into this single bag which you carry about with you all day. Everything is fun, no matter what you do. Work is fun, paying bills is fun, going to the hospital for an operation is fun, attending court for causing death by dangerous driving is fun, and so on. Apologies for the over the top examples, but surely it illustrates a few points. First of all, fun, if mixed with the wrong elements, can be VERY dangerous. Secondly, if everything was fun, then fun would no longer be important, we would take it for granted, get bored with it, and we would be forced to look elsewhere for our next high.
I like to think of it as Rockstar Syndrome, these guys have the whole world on their plate, all the money, all the toys, all the fun. Why then, do they time and time again resort to drink and drugs, before winding up dead in a cold dark hotel room? Because fun, once bled dry, is no longer enough. They have no counter balance to make fun what it is. Fun without it's opposing force, "lack of fun", will ultimately die, and all that is left? I guess an empty, trapped feeling, the knowledge that fun no longer exists, and the delicate set of scales we call life, has lost an entire set of weights. Without the ability to balance, the scales are broken, your life, is broken.
I feel I am always dangerously close to the tipping point, never spending enough time or energy on the priorities, instead choosing too much fun. It’s an addiction which is hard to beat, like a kid who chooses 5 hours of Xbox per evening instead of doing his homework. I find myself drawn to the camera, my daily entry here, and my new project...much more than is healthy. My priorities are my loved ones, and my work, period - the fun stuff should wait, but my wonky scales are broken. I only hope I sort them before it’s too late.
I think going forward from this day, I will remember what I have written here. In fact, I think I will design a new currency, Funollars!
• The next time I get angry at having to get on a slow and crowded bus? I will remember I have just stuck a few Funollars in the bank. The next day I drive my lotus on the back roads, I will spend those Funollars. Once the account has been emptied, park it up, and get back on the bus to earn a few more!
• The next time I spend a day in the office against my free will? Loads of Funollars stuck in the bank for the weekend. Spend them, and come Monday, time to replenish the account.
• The next time I fall out with my loved ones? A few more Funollars in the bank for when it comes to settling our differences and enjoying our time together.
• The next time I have to endure a poorly prepared meal at a hyped up restaurant, more Funollars in my account to spend at the next place.
The list is endless, but I guess the general idea is universal to those of us fortunate to experience any fun at all. Before you long for fame and fortune, or a bank balance to make Richard Branson blush, just remember what you will be able to buy with your instant account of infinity Funollars. All the fun in the world, and when you have it, it won’t take too long before you are bored of it. And when fun is boring, you’re in deep, deep sh*t.
So there you have it, a positive spin for the bad times, just not positive enough to make them too much fun!
Today, I feel unbalanced.
Gary.