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Got a strange text today - any ideas what it's about?
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Hacker
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- Colin
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Is that a joke? If so, I don't get it
Try this one then...
Fritz is in London on a work assignment. Later in the Dorchester he is feeling a bit lonely and randy, so he decides to find a lady of the night.
He pulls up next to Sharon in Kings Cross.
F: "Excuse me, how much for sex?"
S: "£10 for a hand job, £20 for oral, £30 for a tit ***** and £50 for full sex"
F: "I only have £30, but I would like a shag?"
S: "It's not enough love"
F: "What if I could guarantee you the best sex you have ever had?"
S: "They all say that love"
F: "My Word is my honour, you will have more orgasms than you have ever had"
S: "Yeah Yeah"
F: "If you aren't happy with it then I will give you my watch by way of compensation"
Sharon considered that as it was a quiet night and he was dishy she would let him try.
Back at the hotel:
F: "There are a couple of things that I need you to do"
S: "Like what? - they had better not be kinky?"
F: "Trust me, like I said, it will be the best sex ever"
Fritz get Sharon to go on all fours with a spring under each knee and a spring under each elbow.
S: "this is a little bit too much for me"
F: "Trust me, you wont be dissapointed"
As Sharon is bouncing around on all fours Fritz tells her to quack like a duck.
S: "No Way, I am not a freak ya know"
F: "What did I say? - Trust me, the best sex ever"
There is Sharon, bouncing away on all fours and quacking like a duck, Fritz takes her from behind.
Sharon can't believe what is happening to her, she has no control over her body. Orgasm after orgasm. They are at it for several hours until Sharon can't take any more.
Fritz pays her the £30 and asks her to leave.
S: "I am not going anywhere until you tell me what that was about"
F: "No, No, you wouldn't understand"
S: "Please I need to know so I can tell my boyfriend"
F: "Do you speak German?"
S: "a little"
F: "Well in Germany we call it the 'Vor sprung durch Technik'"
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Ooh that is baaad!
funny, but bad!
funny, but bad!
Joe T
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Time for bed eh?
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The Blunkett joke (blind man sending a txt how amusing ) reminds me of an old chestnut which did the rounds a few years back ...
You need the "victim" (someone at your office party?) to have a piece of paper & a pen / pencil
Ask them to write down what the Giant said BEFORE saying "I smell the blood of an Englishman"
They should write ...
FEE FI FO FUM
Ask them to write those four words down backwards
They should write ...
FUM FO FI FEE
Finally ask them to write the four words in any order other than the two above
They should write ...
FO FUM FEE FI (or something)
They should now have a piece of paper with the following written ...
FEE FI FO FUM
FUM FO FI FEE
FO FUM FEE FI
Ask them to cross out all the FUM's
They should have this ...
FEE FI FO
FO FI FEE
FO FEE FI
Get them to read back to you what they have left ...
FEE FI FO FO FI FEE FO FEE FI
Ask them what that is?
When They don't know the answer you tell them it's
>
>
>
>
>
Chris Ewbanks Home Telephone Number sorry 
) reminds me of an old chestnut which did the rounds a few years back ...You need the "victim" (someone at your office party?) to have a piece of paper & a pen / pencil
Ask them to write down what the Giant said BEFORE saying "I smell the blood of an Englishman"
They should write ...
FEE FI FO FUM
Ask them to write those four words down backwards
They should write ...
FUM FO FI FEE
Finally ask them to write the four words in any order other than the two above
They should write ...
FO FUM FEE FI (or something)
They should now have a piece of paper with the following written ...
FEE FI FO FUM
FUM FO FI FEE
FO FUM FEE FI
Ask them to cross out all the FUM's
They should have this ...
FEE FI FO
FO FI FEE
FO FEE FI
Get them to read back to you what they have left ...
FEE FI FO FO FI FEE FO FEE FI
Ask them what that is?
When They don't know the answer you tell them it's
>
>
>
>
>
Chris Ewbanks Home Telephone Number
sorry This is a version of that joke that I was sent in an e-mail.
A short guy of only 42 in height is walking down the street and he picks up a hooker. He takes her back to his bedroom and she lays on the bed ready for him.
He takes out a suitcase and unpacks four large springs, which he attaches to his hands and feet, climbs over her and starts to give it to her - bouncey bouncey!
So anyway she is absolutely loving this and when he finishes she says 'I've never seen that method before, it's not in the Kama Sutra - what's it called?'
The dwarf says 'Oh, that was the "Four-Sprung Dwarf Technique"'
A short guy of only 42 in height is walking down the street and he picks up a hooker. He takes her back to his bedroom and she lays on the bed ready for him.
He takes out a suitcase and unpacks four large springs, which he attaches to his hands and feet, climbs over her and starts to give it to her - bouncey bouncey!
So anyway she is absolutely loving this and when he finishes she says 'I've never seen that method before, it's not in the Kama Sutra - what's it called?'
The dwarf says 'Oh, that was the "Four-Sprung Dwarf Technique"'