Inspirational Portrait and Wedding Tog

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Chris
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site doesn't load...or is that the point?
 
Hmmm, site was working last night...
 
It's meant to be, Dena - it's a complete p!ss take! (I'm not losing my mind, honest!)
 
From deeper in the site:

"Fat Arms, Sweat Patches and the Disabled.
Tuesday, June 07 2005 @ 12:17 PM EDT - Contributed by: derekpye | Views::2,431
The wedding season has really kicked in now. I had three at the weekend, the wife did one and fortunately I had e-mail from an asylum seeker on Friday asking me to help him get work. I threw him straight in at the deep end, leaving me to relax at the flash one in Catford. I had an excellent time - lovely bit of booze on offer, but I messed up by not grabbing a glass as soon as I arrived at the reception. This is really important as once all the guests arrive, the waiters switch to topping up mode and it can be a real pain trying to get a glass. When the meal started I was overjoyed to be seated with...

some of the bride's close family from Germany. My German is rubbish, and I told them the only phrase I knew was 'Achtung Minen' but it was OK as most of them spoke passable English.

Never let it be said that the krauts don't have a sense of humour! We had a right laugh and most of my jokes went down a treat. They left early and even my gag about them going to put their towels down round the hotel pool got a big laugh. They really were great - not like the Nazis at all.

The bride and groom had opted for my 'Traditional' package so I didn't have that many photos to shoot. The biggest problem I had was that the bride, like most women, had really fat arms and sweated a lot. Now these days you needn't worry about this as you can use Photoshop Elements to reduce the 'double wave' and sweat patches.

One thing I have noticed over the years is that even the best clients will have an elderly relative in a wheelchair. This isn't a problem if you're shooting Reportedge™ as you can get some dramatic action shots using the chair. It’s a different matter with Traditional wedding photography as no one wants an ugly wheelchair in the shots and it messes up the composition, having someone sat down when everyone else is stood up. One solution is to carry a spare wheelchair in the boot and coerce a willing guest to sit in it on the opposite side, to balance things out. Alternatively if the cripple can stand a bit then get them out of the chair and prop them against a nearby wall. You can then set the group up around them.

Under no circumstances should you Photoshop the spastic out of the chair and onto made up legs. You will get complaints if you do this. Trust me! "


:D :D :D :D
 
The funny thing is that if you read some of the response left on the site, its obvious they take it all quite seriously...
 
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