Joke

Q Why do Elephants paint their toe nails green?
A so they can hide in trees
Q why do all the animals leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?
A because thats when all the Elephants jump dowm from the trees
Q why have Cobras got flat heads?
Because they never left the jungle at 5 o'clock
 
I didn't think it would be long before the rest of the elephant jokes arrived :LOL:

How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree? paint their toenails red.

How do you get a one armed man down from a tree? wave at him.
 
In bad taste? The joke knocks hoity passengers not the attendant.
Oh well, I won't give up the day job then
 
Did you hear about the photographer who had a nervous breakdown?


He snapped.

I think I got that from my eight year old grand daughter!

:wave:
John
 
Awwww it wasn't that bad an old one but still not that bad ;)

Q how do you get 4 elephants in a Mini?
A 2 in the front 2 in the back

Q how do you get 4 Rhino's in a mini?
A you crazy? there's no room with all those elephants in there

Q how do you get 2 whales in a mini?
A straight up the M4
( its in the saying not the spelling )

Q What swims around in the sea and terrorises mermaids?
A Jack the kipper
 
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan. :puke:

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines! :shrug: :nono:
 
I sampled some of that four legged chicken the other day. Not widely available yet.
No one can catch them.
:bonk:
 
Whoever gave planning permission for Stonehenge wants sacking. The thing is falling down. :wacky:
 
How dirty can these jokes be ???
I can PM the regulator
 
yes I thought you were in the loo
anyway

Ida

thats why it took 7 minutes YOUR DEAF

I SAID Ida zzzzzzzz:bang:

Ida is here
 
Last one

Knock Knock

whos there

Alison

Alison who

Alison to you after you listen to me. (y)
 
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 
A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'
'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
'Your turn,' says the man.
'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'
 
I begin with e and end with e but I am a one letter word.
What word am I?
 
Spotshot said:
I begin with e and end with e but I am a one letter word.
What word am I?
Click to expand...

EnvelopE

Whats pink and rules the sea bed?
Al-c'- prawn
 
I begin with e and end with e but I am a one letter word.
What word am I?

EnvelopE

NO EyE. But envelope will do!
 
What goes around the world, but stays in the corner?

Don't procrastinate: Remember; tomorrow is promised to no one.
So, get them in today. :beer:
 
a Stamp
 
a harvest mouse runs home all tattered and bruised she cries
"mummy mummy I've been reaped"
 
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