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Toddler Miracle Diet
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most
diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't
get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat
diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets or quit after
three days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have
noticed that most two-year olds are trim. Now, the formula to their success
is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor
before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards.
Good Luck!!!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: 1 scrambled egg, 1 piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites
of egg using your fingers, dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of
toast, smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: 4 crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, 1 glass of milk (3
sips only, spill the rest).
Dinner: 1 dry stick, 2 pennies, 1 nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime Snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO:
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink 1/2
bottle of vanilla extract or 1 vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: 1/2 tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog
Chow (any flavor). 1 ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop it
in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes, eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE:
Breakfast: 2 pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat 1 with fingers, rub in
hair. Glass of milk, drink 1/2, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on
cushion of best chair.
Lunch: 3 matches, peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto
the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to
laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY:
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add 1/2 cup of sugar.
Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: 1 glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.
Stick of mascara for dessert.
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most
diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't
get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat
diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets or quit after
three days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have
noticed that most two-year olds are trim. Now, the formula to their success
is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor
before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards.
Good Luck!!!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: 1 scrambled egg, 1 piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites
of egg using your fingers, dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of
toast, smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: 4 crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, 1 glass of milk (3
sips only, spill the rest).
Dinner: 1 dry stick, 2 pennies, 1 nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime Snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO:
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink 1/2
bottle of vanilla extract or 1 vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: 1/2 tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog
Chow (any flavor). 1 ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop it
in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes, eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE:
Breakfast: 2 pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat 1 with fingers, rub in
hair. Glass of milk, drink 1/2, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on
cushion of best chair.
Lunch: 3 matches, peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto
the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to
laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY:
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add 1/2 cup of sugar.
Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: 1 glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.
Stick of mascara for dessert.
Day 3-breakfast with the pancakes, many times yes,lol 
