They're both good photos, the posing works for me in both of them. I'm not too bothered by them fading in to black especially in the second but agree a wee bit more light on the side just to lift him off the background would be good. In both images, particularly the first, the glass seems quite central to the story and is kinda lost, moving the key further round or a second smaller kicker from that side to get some light into the glass would make it stronger in the image for me.
I've got to be honest though the processing doesn't work for me. The mono image isn't too bad a bit over sharpened but the first image is way too crunchy and the skin tones are all over the place. It looks like you've used way to much clarity or sharpening and the under eyes have gone too dark. I'd be quite interested to see the sooc as I do think it's a shot with real potential with a more restrained touch.