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A small boy was sitting in the bath examining his testicles.
'Are these my brains?' he asked his Mom.
'Not yet!' she replied.
This reminds me of earlier funnies:
From a Regimental colleague and others
orry, names not logged.
1. What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
2. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
3. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
4. Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
5. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
6. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
7. How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
8. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
9. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
10. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
11. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE ....He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
12. What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
13. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
14. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
15. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
16. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
17. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
18. What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
19. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
20. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
21. Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
22. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
23. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
24. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
Because only one will stop and ask for directions.
25. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP ? - from Barrie Churchill
God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve.
He thought He might just as well ask them.
He told them one of the things He had left was a thing-a-mabob that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.
'It's a very handy thing,' God told them, 'and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it.'
Adam jumped up and down and begged, 'Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!'
On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.
So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away, laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, 'Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left'
'What's it called?' asked Eve.
'Brains,' said God.
'Are these my brains?' he asked his Mom.
'Not yet!' she replied.
This reminds me of earlier funnies:
From a Regimental colleague and others
orry, names not logged.1. What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
2. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
3. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
4. Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
5. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
6. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
7. How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
8. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
9. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
10. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
11. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE ....He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
12. What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
13. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
14. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
15. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
16. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
17. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
18. What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
19. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
20. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
21. Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
22. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
23. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
24. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
Because only one will stop and ask for directions.
25. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP ? - from Barrie Churchill
God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve.
He thought He might just as well ask them.
He told them one of the things He had left was a thing-a-mabob that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.
'It's a very handy thing,' God told them, 'and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it.'
Adam jumped up and down and begged, 'Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!'
On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.
So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away, laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, 'Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left'
'What's it called?' asked Eve.
'Brains,' said God.
