Hello, yes I'd like to buy a gramophone please.
A gramophone? Dont think we've got any of those in Grandad.
Well, whats that then?
That? It's a trio automatic cap direct drive automatic turntable unless Im very much mistaken.
Whats the difference between that and a gramophone?
Oooo about 30 years and a plastic cover to you chief.
Well I'd like one of those please.
Certainly. Well it's got all the speeds, 33, 45...
Yes, what do I do with my old 78's?
What did you say?
Nothing.
Ok, so you ve got your turntable. Do you want an amp?
Uh, no I won't.
<explosive laughter>
You wont hear anything without an amp chief.
Oh, yes. Of course I want an amp.
Good, good. so what sort of output are we looking at?
What have you got?
No, no clues.
Ah. Oh I should think about medium?
etc
Do you want a bag on your head?
Yes.
etc
Anyway time to take my medicine again.
What speakers are they?